Family Won't get rid of junk food!!!

[tigerchild]

I would say that it's no more of a "hassle" for them to put their junk in a special cabinet that you don't have access to than it is for you to have to be around that all day.

There are certain foods that right now I simply can't handle. Yeah, real life sucks for me--but you know, if people in my household insist on shoving their junk food in my face/space then real life sucks for them too, when I dump it in the garbage.

I don't think you can tell people to not eat something or not get it--but you CAN say that anything left out in common areas is up for grabs. After a few times of getting their doritos that they left out on the kitchen counter thrown in the garbage, people will start putting their stuff away and out of your face.

You do owe them notice. (Hey Family, I want you to have your junk food, but I can't have it in front of my face. Please put it in your room or in your cabinet. From now on, if it's out "in public" I'm going to throw it away.) And do it. Suddenly, it won't be that much of a hassle for them to put it somewhere else, I promise.

You'll have to deal with them being angry or annoyed for awhile, but since you've had to be angry and annoyed with their non-cooperation, it's only fair. Doing the simple thing of keeping these things out of your sight is a courtesy, and making it up to them whether the want to put things away means everyone's responsible for themselves.

If you're tempted to eat it, and would have eaten it, it would have been gone anyway. By tossing it, at least you're not putting it into your body, like you would have previously done, right?

[theox]

Originally Posted by tigerchild

There are certain foods that right now I simply can't handle. Yeah, real life sucks for me--but you know, if people in my household insist on shoving their junk food in my face/space then real life sucks for them too, when I dump it in the garbage.

Of course, if you didn't want to make your family angry, you could just put their stuff back in the cabinet for them.

[GobabyGoGO]

Originally Posted by theox

Of course, if you didn't want to make your family angry, you could just put their stuff back in the cabinet for them.

this would be a much better choice then throwing someone else's money in the trash I understand it is hard but I don't think throwing away others things is the right answer because if her family is anything like mine that would be a costly mistake

[Lisa532]

Having bad food around the house is going to be rough for you... or it could make you stronger.. ! Stick to your diet plan.. get a small frig and plastic container for your dry goods. Good luck.

[tigerchild]

I would be willing to do that, if they were willing to meet me halfway. But if you have people who refuse to work with you at all (which is no less rude than throwing something away that's been left out, IMO), I think then you do what you gotta do.

Especially in the beginning, when you are learning how to rewire your thinking though, you may need to be more strict. If someone that I cared about was an alcoholic, and asked me nicely to please stow away my rum and beer so that they were not tempted by it, I would do that--not whine about how difficult it was to put it in a cabinet. And honestly, I would understand if I forgot and they needed to dispose of it even though I might be annoyed. Heck, I've had to throw out my own binge food when I came to my senses, even though it was a "waste of money" to do so. It's not fair to demand that people never have things you can't have; but it s also not fair to say that you're going to leave whatever you want lying around and too bad for them. Surely caring, sensible people can come up with some sort of compromise.

The OP hasn't shared how she asked her family for help. Nagging people or whining or insisting that everything go your way isn't going to be helpful. You always want to go for compromise. To me, asking people to please put their stuff in a specific area that keeps it out of my sight (neither demanding that they never have those things nor expecting me to deal with the sight of my binge foods in my line of vision all the time) is a good compromise--it's demanding the same level of annoyance factor (OMG I have to take 2 extra steps to the cabinet/OMG I have to not open up the cabinet and raid other people's food) while extending benefits to everyone too (people's favorite junk food is not being eaten by someone else/the person affected by it gets a slightly friendlier environment)

I had to do a lot of things in the beginning that I've been able to ease up on now; but I was willing to do what I had to do. I think it would be pretty sad if someone's family refused to make any concessions in the environment--but if they were going to be that way, I have to admit that I'd not feel too much guilt about coping with that degree of sabotage in whatever manner I could.

[theox]

Nobody is entitled to have others cooperate with them in their pursuits at all times, even when those pursuits are of vital importance and the others are family members. Compromise would be ideal, but throwing other people's stuff out because they weren't willing (or able?) to "meet you halfway" just seems vindictive and like a move in a power/control struggle to me, to be honest. I'm not trying to bash you, I'm just telling you how it appears to me (and I could be completely off - wouldn't be the first time). I am a kind of curious - are the people who left their junk food out in your house other adults, or were they your kids?

FWIW, I can understand taking a serving of communal food in a moment of weakness, deciding not to eat it, and throwing it out, or seeing that a large package of communal junk food only has one serving left and tossing it instead of leaving it out to tempt you (and that you'd have eaten if you weren't watching your food intake and if you know that somebody else isn't really looking forward to that last serving). But tossing an entire package of somebody else's food because they didn't put it where you wanted them to? Sorry, that doesn't seem right to me, and I wouldn't recommend it to the OP.

[tigerchild]

Nope, it was a way to avoid power struggle, really.

I'd asked for all personal junk food to be kept in a specific area out of my sight. Since I'm the one that does all the shopping/meal prep, and spend the most time in the kitchen (as well as almost all of the picking up in the kitchen, which I am okay with since I'm also the one most messing it up to cook for everyone, ect.) I sat my family down and explained that a) I wasn't going to buy certain foods anymore because I was out of control (this was not a mystery to them since those foods always "disappeared" pretty fast, due to me binging on them) and b) I wasn't going to control their access per se, but that I needed them to keep opened packages in particular out of my sight.

Nothing changed, if anything the packages were left around even more. When I got tired of being a whiny nag about it, and when I got tired of being resentful, I finally sat them down again and said that I was tired of nagging and begging, I was starting to feel sabotaged, and the only thing I could really think about doing to prevent myself from being Crazy Mom/wife (which I was dealing with that all the time) was to try to put them in a certain place but that sometimes I would just really need to toss them.

Magically, after I started tossing the opened packages of my binge triggers, the fam started picking up after themselves. Nobody got upset--I think because having a stated thing that I would do kept me calm. If anything it de-escalated the power struggles, because I wasn't telling anyone they couldn't eat doritos in the middle of the living room if they wanted to, and wasn't the boss of them as far as them even bothering to put it away--but when I was by myself in the house (I'm a SAHM) and having to deal with it, I'd deal with it the best I could (on a very good day, putting it in the "stay out mom" cabinet, but if it was One of Those Days it was going in the garbage. I could relax. Oddly, I didn't need to throw things out all the time because having that plan helped take the anxiety edge off. No guilt, no guilt tripping, no nagging, no fighting.

For me, when I was first getting help for my binging, I was not capable of "use your willpower, don't ask for anything from anyone", so I did the best that I could.

Though I agree, that's easier to do when you are doing the work associated with the house/kitchen. Since the OP hasn't really shared details, I don't know if my advice would work for them or not. However, I thought that I might as well offer a different perspective.

Now that I am over 6 months binge free, and gaining more of a healthy headspace, I can deal with things better. But when I was still in the food? No way.

[theox]

Originally Posted by tigerchild

Nope, it was a way to avoid power struggle, really.

I'd asked for all personal junk food to be kept in a specific area out of my sight. Since I'm the one that does all the shopping/meal prep, and spend the most time in the kitchen (as well as almost all of the picking up in the kitchen, which I am okay with since I'm also the one most messing it up to cook for everyone, ect.) I sat my family down and explained that a) I wasn't going to buy certain foods anymore because I was out of control (this was not a mystery to them since those foods always "disappeared" pretty fast, due to me binging on them) and b) I wasn't going to control their access per se, but that I needed them to keep opened packages in particular out of my sight.

Nothing changed, if anything the packages were left around even more. When I got tired of being a whiny nag about it, and when I got tired of being resentful, I finally sat them down again and said that I was tired of nagging and begging, I was starting to feel sabotaged, and the only thing I could really think about doing to prevent myself from being Crazy Mom/wife (which I was dealing with that all the time) was to try to put them in a certain place but that sometimes I would just really need to toss them.

Magically, after I started tossing the opened packages of my binge triggers, the fam started picking up after themselves. Nobody got upset--I think because having a stated thing that I would do kept me calm. If anything it de-escalated the power struggles, because I wasn't telling anyone they couldn't eat doritos in the middle of the living room if they wanted to, and wasn't the boss of them as far as them even bothering to put it away--but when I was by myself in the house (I'm a SAHM) and having to deal with it, I'd deal with it the best I could (on a very good day, putting it in the "stay out mom" cabinet, but if it was One of Those Days it was going in the garbage. I could relax. Oddly, I didn't need to throw things out all the time because having that plan helped take the anxiety edge off. No guilt, no guilt tripping, no nagging, no fighting.

For me, when I was first getting help for my binging, I was not capable of "use your willpower, don't ask for anything from anyone", so I did the best that I could.

Though I agree, that's easier to do when you are doing the work associated with the house/kitchen. Since the OP hasn't really shared details, I don't know if my advice would work for them or not. However, I thought that I might as well offer a different perspective.

Now that I am over 6 months binge free, and gaining more of a healthy headspace, I can deal with things better. But when I was still in the food? No way.

That makes a bit more sense, although I'm still a bit confused, since from one of your earlier posts I got the impression that your family was angry when you threw their stuff out. But, as they say, whatever. I'm glad it worked for you.

I don't think that most people on here, myself included, would suggest that anybody try to go it alone. I personally think that willpower is overrated in many areas of life, and in the weight loss arena is far less important than good planning, self care (not self-indulgence), and the ability/willingness to learn from one's mistakes. But if other people aren't going to give you the support you want (and that they're not obligated to give), you've got to figure out a way around it. Your perspective is certainly very interesting, but from her posts it sounds as though you wield significantly more power about food purchasing and disposition (and in other ways, if the junk food junkies are your children) in your household than she does in hers. Then again, maybe not.

[unpretty]

My family is the exact same. I keep asking my mum not to buy it, and she doesn't for a bit but then she just goes and buys it again. The best thing for me to do is to resist temptation/boredom eating, which can be really really hard, but I'm getting better at it. Of course its okay to have a little bit every now and then, as long as you count the calories and don't go over your daily limit.

[astrophe]

I don't know if this helps you any.

But I'm the food buyer. And DH is the junk food fiend. So I buy what he likes and I hate. I do not buy what he likes and I like too. So I have no problem staying clear of his doritos because I think they are gross.

I also have it all out of sight in a basket on top of the fridge. Handy for him because he's a tall guy, but out of sight for me so I don't think about it. I think a lock in a cabinet does get to be enough of a hassle that it won't get done, but a basket on top of the fridge isn't sooo far out of the way that it isn't doable.

A.

[Sheila7]

I am a compulsive overeater and I used to feel the very same way. Today there is ice cream in my freezer, cookies in my cupboard and chips in another cupboard. I haven't touched any of it in months. I go to OA. I have a food plan I eat what I have commited to my sponsor each day and I do not deviate from that period. Their food is not my food anymore. I also was at a Christmas party on Sat and Sun night and never touched the cookie party. I was able to move about the room and talk to people there and it was fine. I was present at the party not off binging sneaking and stuffin my face.

you can do this!

Sheila

[LilButterflyWings]

I think it depends on your role in the house. If you are the person that buys food, prepares it, etc then you should have a say. If you are someone that isn't in charge like that then there's not much you can do. I used to ask my mom not to buy some things but my sister liked them so she did anyways. But she would put them in a special cupboard. We all had cupboard areas that were for our own foods. No one was allowed to go in someone else's space to get something. It could help in this situation, but it is a lot of will power to even have the bad in the house. I care for a 3 year old and have the snack foods and such that I can't have. I just put them in a drawer that's just for her stuff and voila out of my sight.

[PrairieGirl]

Originally Posted by martini

You don't mention your age, but I'm going to assume you're over 18. If you're not please completely disregard my advice.

If you can find alternative living arrangements I'd suggest moving out. If your family haven't worked to accommodate your diet by now, I don't expect that they ever will. Whether that's fair or right or not is beside the point. You say you need an environment free of unhealthy foods in order to lose weight. I believe you. Blaming you for not having willpower or not being able to just suck it up... I find that absolutely awful if not outright abusive.

Alcoholics who get sober frequently live in sober living facilities after spending some time in rehab. Drug addicts getting clean are told that they can no longer spend time with their friends who are currently using. This is sane, reasonable advice because psychologists and medical professionals recognize that environment matters. Who you spend time with and the choices that they make impacts your mental health. No person - no matter how "strong" they are or how much "willpower" they have - can fight that kind of pressure over time.

I second this. I left my ex boyfriend for a number of reasons, but a big reason was because he was unsupportive of my new healthy lifestyle. He refused to change the food that was coming into our home (that I had to pay for half of!) and criticized my exercise efforts. I left him and lost a lot of baggage (him and 50lbs!).

[RHay]

Keep separate cabinets! And stick to your healthy one knowing you are doing the right thing in the long run.

[ArtyKay]

Regarding throwing food away...whether I eat an entire cake or throw it in the garbage, the cake is gone. Better in the trash than in my stomach.