Yep. I belong on this forum, too.

FatPantsSkinnyJeans · 08-31-2011, 02:46 PM

Hey everyone. I just read through all of the most recent introductions. I think I belong here, too! I usually post over on the 20-somethings forum, but I think I need some serious support from you all.

Here's my story.....

For most of my young adult/adult life, I can remember soothing myself with food. I'm the person that at a barbeque, will eat to the bottom of a bag of chips, or will eat countless cookies, or whatever the "crap" on hand may be, and never really feel a stimulus to stop. Once I start, I have a terrible time turning off the cravings.

I equate food with comfort, and I regularly turn to mindless eating when I am anxious.

My stress levels as of late, between work (which involves night shifts), future plans, and personal health issues, are higher than they have been. I find that more and more, I am participating in alarming eating behavior.

If there is cake in the break room at work, I will eat a piece automatically, even if I'm not hungry, because my brain tells me I just have to have it. Having one piece means I crave it over and over again, and will eat several servings, even thinking about the food while I'm in a different room. If I'm at home, and trying to get work done, and find myself anxious or stuck on a problem, I will get fed up and open the refrigerator. It always ends with guilt, a bloated belly, and sadness.

The other side of the coin is my exercise. I love to be outdoors, run regularly/participate in races, and love to dance, take gym classes, and even lift weights. I have no problem getting my movement in. As a result, my weight is on the high end of normal. I'm not majorly overweight, but I have been trying to shed the same 10-15 lbs for the last 5 years. The only area I cannot gain control of is my eating.

When I am not compulsively overeating (that's what this is, right?) I eat incredibly healthfully. Salads, lean protein, fruit, etc. I don't even buy bread. I stick to oats, quinoa, etc. I understand nutrition... I just don't understand my responses to stress and food. The binge eating occurs as frequently as 1-2 times for week, but I've gone as long as several weeks avoiding it.

Last night, after getting fed up with a problem for work I was working on & couldn't solve, I turned to food. I ate about 4-5 "light" cheese sticks, a serving of black beans, and then the remainder of a jar (about 3/4 full) of apple butter. All in all, about 1200 calories. Oof. At the time, it tasted good, and I felt temporarily distracted and soothed. Once I finished, the guilt settled in.

I'd like to start getting more involved on this forum, and will be making efforts to come post when I get the urge to eat when I am stressed. It seems you've all got similar stories and have done great work. I'd love to learn from you, and join in the support.

Thanks for reading!

-FPSJ

Lovely · 08-31-2011, 08:54 PM

We wouldn't do it if we didn't get something out of it, even temporarily.

It's really hard to change a habit like that, but I'm glad you're posting here and working on switching your natural stress response from food to something else.

FatPantsSkinnyJeans · 09-01-2011, 12:53 AM

Thank you for the positive words. I'll be checking in here often!

ovwgirl · 09-01-2011, 11:23 AM

FPSJ,
Have you ever heard of the Beck Diet? It's not a diet, it's a book that helps you deal with the emotional side of eating. In this book Dr. Beck teaches you how to deal with the crazy thoughts and things that lead to cravings, etc. It may help you with your struggles. I am still working my way through the book, and it's not an over night fix, but it's something to help with the mind stuff. Good luck!

Jewcy · 09-01-2011, 12:35 PM

FPSJ -

I'm not sure I have much of value to add. Just want to say I completely relate. My story is a bit different - I became anorexic in high school, and have since "recovered", but now find myself using food to soothe my anxiety - but I think it's such a mind-trip to be simultaneously so interested in fitness and health, yet have this very unhealthy habit. I know it can be very frustrating to feel like you're working so hard and not getting the results you want. Ironically, perhaps, the only times I'm able to really get free of the obsession (few as they are) are when I practically force myself to not worry about it - especially not to worry about my weight. I try to tell myself, "Just be healthy and let your weight fall where it may." Those are the times I tend to actually lose weight. But the trick is, I have to MEAN it - I can't be secretly wishing for weight loss. Does that make sense??

I think the problem can also be exacerbated because (for me at least) it's an embarrassing coping mechanism. Other people shop, or smoke, or drink -- but somehow I feel more ashamed of eating over stress than if I engaged in any other behavior.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I was beginning to feel like a bit of a freak

FatPantsSkinnyJeans · 09-02-2011, 07:59 PM

ovwgirl-- I'll have to check that book out! Thanks for the suggestion

It's definitely all up in my brain....

Jewcy-- Thanks for sharing your story with me.. it makes me feel less alone, too! I agree, it's so bizarre to be participating in a healthy lifestyle with exercise and healthy foods, yet still wanting to overindulge in those foods, even when not hungry.

I have no idea where I learned the habits... eating past the full point, and eating for reasons other than hunger. Tough responses to break and re-learn for sure.

We'll get there, though! Thanks ladies