DAY 24! I have FINALLY MADE IT TO THE 140's!! You all don't even know how long I've been wanting this! Seven months and twenty one days to be exact!! It's been a struggle, you all have been a huge help in this process! Thank you!
KimberlyP--WOW! Hot lady! Congrats on 100 lbs lost!! First I just gotta say for myself, starting any diet made me want to binge too. The height of my binge problem started in January this year. I didn't realize that the binge eating coincided with my desire to go on a diet to lose weight. It was this time when my relationship with food went down hill. I didn't know what to eat, how to take care of myself, and how to lose weight. I went through and read through NUMEROUS diet books from the lirbary and at Barnes and Nobles (Beck Diet Solution, Extreme Fat Smash, Jillian Micahels' books, Dr. Perricone's book, Ultra Metabolism, and others....).
I think the thoughts of having to stick to certain foods and avoid others made me WANT those foods more. I felt restricted. And if you read through many stories on the binge eating threads, restriction leads to binging. It's a cycle..restrict, binge, gain weight, restrict, binge, gain weight....
I started to look at my binges and why they occured, thought about the thoughts going through my head, why I do certain things, why I stop off at the store...making excuses to shop for things at the store to buy other things but then getting binge food too....I had to keep asking myself why do I do certain things, and ask myself "do I really want this food, or am I hungry for something else (like a real meal)"....repeatedly. I kept asking myself over and over until the cravings and urges went away.
This will take time, and practice, but find what is triggering your binges and practice techniques to stop the triggers.
For example, your night time eating can be stopped by brushing your teeth and hopping into bed. Keep your food outside of your bedroom, and also stop watching TV late at night (too many food commercials). The flickering lights of the TV will prevent you from sleeping. Tell yourself "more food and chances to eat will soon come". For now just relax and try relaxation techniques to help you sleep. Relaxation techniques include anything that does NOT stimulate your brain too much (computers, complex books, just read easy books, work related stuff).
I'm not sure if a therapist is what you need, some need one, some don't. It all depends on how severe your binge eating is. Many many people binge eat, you'll be so surprised with the statistics. You can google it, I think it's far greater in occurance in the US compared to any other eating disorder.
Good luck, and visit here as much as you like, you don't have to post every day, but it sure did help me to come here as often as I could. BTW, I am also EMT trained! I just looked at your fb page. Pretty girl!
missunshine--Congrats on 1 month! Also good job on baking and not eating all of it! You sound SO positive and I am loving your new attitude. If you read a post from a month ago that you posted here, you can even see how far a long you have come! I recently read an old post of mine, and I can tell that my whole outlook on life has dramatically changed by deciding to become binge free for the rest of my life. I'm glad that you have also figured out the reasons why you binge: fear of failure/success, and your family. However you should try to confront your family issues now that your mind has more awareness of the binge eating trigger. You can now start to figure out how to handle the stress of the problems in your life without turning to food. Food will not be your best friend, food will not listen to you, and it will not make you less fearful of failure/success. I'm glad that you have also started a running program! You know you've reached a milestone when you can start something that you haven't done in so long. I started running again last saturday, and I must have missed it so much because I ran for 120 min and was going faster than ever before (5.0 mph!). I used to run a lot so I didn't get any injuries. But you should start off slowly though, because of your possible knee weakness and the strain on your joints. Daily glucosamine tablets / supplements can help alleviate the problem. Or you can go fast on the elliptical machines, which is less jarring on your knees too. About this weekend...you already set yourself up for binging by equating alone = possible binging. Now reverset this thinking. It's illogical and goes against everything you know is good, healthy and right for you. Alone does not mean binging. Alone= Time For yourself. Alone=Less stress from dealing with family issues. Alone=Quiet study time (don't procrastinate). Alone=freedom to eat what you want, not what family wants to cook / where family want to go dining. Alone=Quiet time to reflect on yourself. Dis-equate alone=binging. This is where a lot of people go wrong. They binge eat in secret. They eat foods that don't belong to them (roomate sitations). So this weekend, do what you know you have to do, which is study, and don't bake, that will make you want to eat everything you baked. You need to study first, not bake. Good luck w/ your studying and test!
Heather29--Please do something for me, please do not plan binge days. The reward that you will get from staying binge free for one week, two weeks, one month, etc... is GOOD HEALTH (or WEIGHT LOSS if you are on a healthy diet and exercising too). That is more rewarding than anything else in the kitchen. I lost weight for this month. Since being binge free June 28, I lost 5 pounds or so. I also changed my mentality of forbidden foods. I tell myself that NO FOOD is forbidden. I can eat whatever I want. But not all at once. I can taste here and there, and live and participate in life. If I gain weight, i will exercise from it, learn from the portions of the foods I eat, and try to maintain a healthy diet of mostly "on plan" foods. Sure I will indulge here and there, but I do it only once in a while, like every few days. This way, i won't binge. I also make sure to eat a small portion of something sweet like dark chocolate. I buy the super dark kind, because it tastes bitter, and it actually satisfies my cravings and stops me from eating more food late at night. You might like something different than chocolate as your daily treat. Maybe it's a small glass of wine or some peanut butter. Whatever it is that you like, even if it's a forbidden food, try to practice having only one to two servings per day. Never more than 1-2 per day. But if you have more than 2 servings, fine, tomorrow's another day to try again. See how long it takes you to get it right and then you will start to see that food doesn't have to be on a forbidden list, when you can have self control over food. Food doesn't control you. You control food, and your life. You are in the driver's seat of your own life. Your sadness from mother passing away will not go away if you stuff yourself. The void that you feel can be filled with non-food related things: a good friend, a relationship with a guy who will understand you, prayer and church events, volunteering at a local shelter (i do this often and feel a great sense of compassion for others helps me cope with my own sadness / voids), talking to other family members or spending time with them, commemorating your mother on special occasions like planned family events....you see you can get really creative and enjoy life this way. I do hope that things will change soon for you. I know that this has been a struggle for you. **hugs**
FruitLady--I don't think you need to figure out a reason why you binged. Don't focus on thinking about the past and trying to find reason in why you did it. Sometimes, we binge "just cause". I am guilty of that.
What you need to focus on is "checking yourself before you wreck yourself". This was one of the "naturally thin" rules in Bethenny Frankels' book.
Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself basically means that when you eat food, make sure you stop every now and then and check to see if you are eating because you're hungry or because you're eating "just cause". If it's "just cause", then you need to STOP. Eating "just cause" is not good, it adds up and you'll see weight gain. Eating to the point of binging and going over your cal requirement by 1,000-2,000 is DAMAGING TO YOUR HEALTH. I repeat, it is DAMAGING TO YOUR HEALTH. You are now at a point where you have a healthy relationship with food. You don't forbid anything. Food is not your friend, nor your enemy. You have made PEACE with food. That is LIFE-CHANGING, and you've come a long, long way. Right now, what you need is to just learn to stop when you're full or not hungry. There's also this "sneaking" around that you are doing, which is not good too. Your hubby and daughter need to know what is going on, if you can have the courage to tell her (this will also help keep you accountable and prevent future binges). When they have foods that they need to eat or want to eat (PB, poptarts), you must understand that they cannot be deprived from food, and taking their food for yourself is in a way depriving them (hubby can't grocery shop, and daughter depends on you for the food). You wouldn't want them to take your food, would you? Consider that next time you feel yourself "sneaking" to get their food. They're your family. You can lie to them, but you cannot lie to yourself.
So you've made peace with food. Now you must learn to listen to your inner voice that says "i'm hungry for ___". And take time to figure out what ____ is. If it's a sweet/snack, only have a little. If it's because you haven't eaten yet, then make a meal instead of eating a sweet or snack. I hope that you can make it out to the other side and end this bad habit. Just remember these things and consider your health, and how damaging bingeing is to your health. Be kind to yourself.
Loving Me--Congrats on 16 days!!! That's a HUGE accomplishment. NOT BINGING WILL GET YOUR WEIGHT BACK DOWN. This is the voice and mantra you need to repeat to yourself. The voice that tells you that not binging won't get your weight down is wrong, wrong, WRONG. I used to think that too, but it takes time. I'm finally down after being truly binge free and no cheating for a good 3 solid weeks.
I also agree with what [B]Vixsin[B] said: "Realizing that the scale is only a tool to tell me how I am doing. I had to take responsibility and accept that my choices affect that number. I had to take that power back and know that as long as I am doing the right things, I WILL lose weight. It's inevitable."
It takes time though and more exercise than before my binge eating days. Something about binge eating makes me less able to lose weight I guess. It takes a toll on your health far greater than anything I've experienced before. My skin has never in my life been this acne prone, and I still have acne scars from months ago from the binge eating days I had. Don't obsess over the scales, please don't obsess over the scale. The number will go down, and what you SHOULD obsess over (if you have to obsess over anything), is eating healthier more nutritious foods and getting at least 30 min of exercise in each day for most days of the week. This can be a brisk walk or jogging on the elliptical machine, or walking with an incline on the treadmill. The scale setting your mood for the day is telling me that the scale CONTROLS you. Do you want a machine to control you? Well, that is what I'm reading from your post. The scale sets your mood for a day. Hmmm...so profound huh? This used to happen to me too. Instead, make your mood every day, a mood of EMPOWERMENT and POSITIVITY. Instead of weighing yourself and setting your mood that way, do this: look into the mirror and repeat a mantra or positive affirmation 3 times. It can be simple as: "I am beautiful" or like "I've made it this far, I can make today count" or like "Today is another day to make me a better person" something like that (I just came up with these in a few seconds time, you can think of better ones, write them down/memorize them and change them up, etc.) Really look into your eyeballs in the mirror and repeat these mantras and let these affirmations set your mood for the day. Then weigh yourself if you must. Or don't. It's up to you. But don't let that machine control you. Let YOU control you. You see the difference? As for your goal and mainenence, I think if you wanted to lose more pounds/inches, then go for it if it makes sense to. If your clothes fit the way they want already, then there is really no need to continue to lose weight. If you want to drop a size though, then make it a goal. This way, your goals will help you decide how to eat and how much to exercise. I think even if you are maintaining, a good 30 min exercise each day is good for maintainence. This is the US recommendation for every adult person, no matter if you are trying to lose weight or not. So go on and set a goal and have some exercise. Yes, you can do this.
TheManekiNeko--Good job on eating a food you like with control! You know you've hit a turning point when you realized that you
could have binged but didn't.
MandyBuz--Good job with your diet and plan to workout. Having a plan in place makes it all EASY. If you plan for the workout schedule wise, and plan for the diet w/ cooking and grocery shopping, this all becomes routine and a piece of cake. The only hard part is sticking to this great carefully thought out plan you have. Don't let it go to waste. You can do it!
Vixsin--YOU ARE the RULER of the binge free world! LOLOLOLOL, i love that! And thanks for the text thing...I will try it out on my blackberry!
JenDiet--Despite your occasional overeating, you seem to be doing VERY well! I read every one of your posts and you always give good advice. Keep remembering why you are doing this (being binge free). For your health, for your family's health, and for your ability to be the best health care practitioner you can be. Good job on the fasting diet thing! Now don't inject all the bad junk (processed foods with chemicals) right back into your body. Eat well
ncuneo--You have come a long way, and I do see that your eating habits are better and that you are not binging the way you used to (reading from the previous posts when you were on this thread). I would suggest revisiting "check yourself before you wreck yourself" rule from Naturally Thin. (See my message above to FruitLady in this message post--same advice). You have come far in your journey and you've got a healthy relationship with food, now it's just time to listen to your inner voice that tells you you're hungry, ask yourself if you really are hungry for ___ as a snack/treat, or if you need a meal because your last one wasn't enough. We all get emotional comfort from food. But we don't have to get it from binging. We can get be emotional eaters, but just enough to the point where eating that last bite isn't as satisfying as the first bite or second bite (passing the point of dimishing returns). That is where you cross the line of "eating to comfort you" and over to "eating to stuff yourself just cause". Please do not plan your binges, but instead, plan to eat a treat or dessert, and only eat enough of that treat to satisfy you. Faux binges doesn't make any sense either as this behavior only reinforces the idea that binges are okay in your mind. Even if they are low in calories, the fact that you are eating that subpar food for the sake of tricking your mind into thinking that you are binging doesn't make sense. Just eat the things you want to eat as a treat (in moderation) and fill up on healthy things first so you'll feel full from the treat. I really hope that anything I have said to you hasn't turned you away or given you "the opposite effect" of what you intended, but do let me know if something doesn't jive with you. Stay strong hun! ***hugs***
I'm chewing gum like my life depends on it and hope the feeling will pass.
