Hi all. I'm new here. I don't know when it started but I have become extremely obsessed with food in the last few years. Sometimes it is really scary, I will have thoughts about food racing through my head. For example, one night I was out with a friend at a coffee shop. When I got there I thought about getting dessert but I decided against it. But the entire time I was with my friend all I could think about was getting ice cream on the way home. It went like this:
"I want some ice cream. I'll get some after I leave here. But I shouldn't be eating that stuff. The nearest ice cream shop might be closed by the time I leave. Maybe I should go to that other place that just opened up. Okay if I drive by the first place and it's already closed then I won't drive to the second place. But I still want a sundae. Maybe I could stop by the convenience store and get some chocolate syrup."
So basically those thoughts were running through my head and of course I felt guilty the entire time.
I also find that no matter what is going on I think about food. Like if I'm going to a party I think about what kind of food will be served. If I'm going to the mall I think about what I should get from the food court. It never stops. I am really hoping that somehow I can learn to calm my mind. I am on the waiting list for therapy but I am still going to see my family doctor today. At this point I would willingly take medication, anything, just to stop feeling so out of control.
I was raised by someone who is constantly thinking about food, when she's going to cook the next meal. She's constantly asking me if I'm hungry, asking if my kids want to eat something.
As a result of her influence, I'm into the food as well. My obsession surrounds having the right foods available to me at home at all times. Since I'm trying to lose weight and make healthy choices, I have filled my freezer and refrigerator with all sorts of veggies and lean meats. And I'm always picking up something new when I have to go to the store for my mother. She's elderly and doesn't drive, so I'm always at the store for her (she's obsessed with having very fresh food in her fridge, so she wants me to go every day, which I refuse to do any more).
I have learned EBT, a method for managing my survival circuits. I learned that survival circuits, like our little food obsessions and other behaviors, are the things we do to make us feel safe and secure. I get my safety from having lots of food in the house, the food that will support my weight loss goals. I'd like to learn to feel safe without having all this food around me all the time.
I noticed that being aware of my compusion is an excellent first step. I don't have to give it up right away, not until I have learned how else I can feel safe and secure. I'm still trying to discover that. Being more aware of my inclinations has helped me to let go of it a little. It's helped me to stop enabling my mother's obsessions with food, which will trigger mine. So I'm slowly backing away from it (very slowly). I'm also trying to dig into why I'm feeling unsettled and not safe. I'm recently divorced, raising teens by myself, caring for an elderly parent, can't find a job, worried about money, trying to start my own business, still going to school, not enough time in a day to get it all done!
Sometimes it just helps to write it all down, everything that's unsettling me.
Yeah, it's so frustrating because it's like this constant obsession. Whether it's eating outside the home (which is almost always fast food) or what to make at home I'm always thinking about food.
I really just need to learn a lot of techniques to deal with my emotions. Right now I'm not even totally sure what I'm trying to hide from. I don't know if I'll ever figure it out but in the meantime I need to learn how to deal with that stuff AND I am really desperate to lose weight.
Oh, I feel ya. I can't stop thinking about it either. It's really going to be about retraining my brain. It is really hard. Try finding a hobby that keeps your hands busy... that is definitely what is helping me now. Busy hands can't reach into the chip bag Also, if it tends to be just a texture thing, chewing gum is great!
Good luck, keep hope.
I know exactly how you feel. In fact, I just checked the food listing on the cafeteria's online menu. It's not even 10 in the morning and I ate breakfast just a little more than an hour ago. I'll refuse something and then regret it and obsess about it and be "in the mood for it" until I break down and get it somewhere else.
Oy. And the worst part is that when I'm in this mindset, it's almost every day. When I'm on plan and on track, I obsess but I'm able to control it. It's like when it gets "further away" from me, it's easier to control. I know what they say about not depriving yourself, but for me, I just need to ban stuff long enough to get over that hump.
Thanks guys. I'm slowly trying to make peace with food. It's weird because once I stop obsessing I notice that I actually like healthy food. A lot of the time I don't even really want the food that I'm thinking about, it's almost like I force myself to obsess about it and eat it. Usually by the time I get it I don't even want it anymore but then I force myself to eat it because I've paid for it.
hi, what works for me now was finding out that i really deserved to be healthy, and knowing -yes, i love food, but not as much as i love myself, and tho food is great, i'm more valuable. You have to constantly talk to yourself when the thoughts of food run riot, but with time it will stick. Before you know it, you'll constantly be putting yourself first before food. Trust me, it'll work for you. for me, it's not so much counting calories or trying to stick to a diet etc etc, it's more about - "you're worth it, you deserve to take care of yourself, if you don't do this 4urself no one else will. Ice cream will come and go, and once u've eaten it it turns to excess for your body, and u forget you've eaten it but are left with the struggle of trying to lose the weight, and then next time you want to eat ice cream, ask yourself 'isnt it the same taste/texture/feeling that i had the last time, that i've always known? then u'll wonder what's the big deal about the ice cream anyway? Good luck!
I don't know if it's everyone's thing, but I've gotten over a lot of my impulses just by taking a moment to meditate, take it all apart, and realize it's not really what I want. It's easier to do when you're away from the situation (I can never think straight when I'm at a store,) so maybe take some time every day to introspect on the matter, until you're at a place of always wanting what you know in your head is right for you. Sometimes we need to really evaluate our impulses before we can move on. Of course, therapy is a great thing to pursue too! Then you can go through the process with the assurance of a professional.
I definitely feel you. My binges started when I was quite young, I was a bigger child (I think I just got big faster, and I think it freaked my mom out) and she would constantly tell me what I wasn't allowed to eat-most of the time it was while she was feeding my 3 skinny siblings whatever they wanted. I felt left out, majorly. It resulted in me hiding food and binging on it later in secret. And even when I dieted (which was most of the time) I just seemed to be consumed by the very thought of food and what I would have (or not be allowed to have) next.
I have found 2 things that have helped very much in this: firstly, I began the very long task of taking negative connotations off of food. No more bad foods or good foods. Food is just food, and we need it to live and it's delicious! But it's what I do with it that gets me into trouble sometimes. I stopped pegging it as good or bad, and that has infinitely helped me to keep from doing the whole guilt-trip thing. No more feeling guilty for eating something "bad", because that in itself is obsessing. I eat it, I get over it and move on. End of story, no more looking back. No more self-imposed guilt.
And number 2: I also absolutely stopped cutting things out of my diet. Nothing off-limits, because all that does is make me want to binge and "start over" tomorrow, but always practised in moderation! If I want ice-cream I have it (and work it into my calorie count so it doesn't break the bank, so to speak!). I think this has also very much helped me with portions, etc because I'm no longer trying to finish huge cartons of anything. If I can have it on monday, then I can also have it on tuesday and wednesday, so there's no need to make it all dissappear in one sitting.
I also have to say, that I don't necessarily see obsessing over food to be a bad thing. It's constant thinking about food that has helped me develope some of my best recipes, and now I'm considering being a chef. The constant thinking of flavors helps me plan things and helps me create things that I love. I think that it's the constant obsession over what you think you can't have that really messes with you. It's when you keep trying to tell yourself that something is bad so you can't have it even if you want it that eventually makes you spiral out of control. Take the negativity away, take the obsession with deprivation away, and it takes a whole lot of the pressure off.
Last edited by swtbttrfly23; 07-15-2011 at 12:59 AM.
Wow, I can definitely relate to this. Also, I agree completely on having food on hand, or always worrying about fresh food being a comfort mechanism. Nothing makes me feel safer or more comfortable than having a fully stocked fridge, and grocery shopping is like meditating for me. The odd thing is that I don't even feel like this is connected to my dieting whatsoever.
I'm a full-time culinary student, and I think that growing up with the love of being surrounded by food has warped it's way into what I want to do career wise. I love eating, of course, but for me it's always just been a mental comfort of knowing I have food around or available to me.
This may or may not be what your facing, but i agree with the other comments in regards to stopping and acknowleging it being the best way to deal with it.
Obsessed with food - look for any excuse to eat
Also, if it tends to be just a texture thing, chewing gum is great! 
