Happy to report I made it through Day 18 yesterday even though I ALMOST lost it. My mum sent me home with two slices of cake yesterday afternoon, one of my favourite cakes... DH was working a late shift so I had my piece with a cup of coffee around 8pm and really enjoyed it, but that 2nd piece was screaming at me. It kept saying that DH would never know if I ate it as well as my own piece. I even went and got it and unwrapped it and put it on my plate, sat down and was about to eat it. But then suddenly and I'm so grateful it did, but another voice told me it wouldn't taste any nicer than the first piece, it wouldn't satisfy me anymore and afterwards I'd feel terrible. So I wrapped that cake back up and put it in the kitchen, and DH had it with his coffee when he got home from work! Result!!!
This weekend is going to be a huge test for me though. We are going away in our caravan this afternoon til Sunday so my routine won't be normal and frankly I'm scared. If I can get through this weekend that will be 3 weeks without a binge, and I SO want to do it. Unfortunately my stress levels are still really high and the binge cravings are there all the time so it's going to be an hour to hour thing, or maybe even less.
Thank you everyone for all your support, it means so much and I think it's helping. Even though I've stumbled, I think have this place and all of you to lean on has drastically reduced what it could be and given me the strength to keep going.
I wish I had time to thank you all individually, but I'm rushing off to work and posting on my phone - multitasking! I just wanted to check in that and let you know that yesterday was a breeze and I'm cruising into day 2. Even though it's Friday I'm not going to panic, instead I'm just going to recall what I did last weekend to succeed and keep going. There is a birthday at work today, but I've been passing on the birthday cake at work now for months, so today will be no different.
TOM still has not shown up...day 38 of my cycle...but I'm having all the symptoms including those last two binges so I know she'll be arriving any time. I'm prepared to be kind to myself during this time and know that I can do this. I mean really, if I was able to lose the weight there is no reason I can't be strong enough to handle this. I don't have to beat it I just need to control it.
I'll check back tonight when I have more time - stay strong today everyone!
Today is a new day and let me tell you...I feel like I just barely made it through yesterday.
That is a real feeling that I have not had in a long time. I am on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster in my offline life this month and it has taken it's toll on me from the severe lack of sleep, to the scale (plateau), along with vicious mood swings that I am still getting while coming off the Mirena. With ALL of that said, for me to say that "I haven't been feeling like myself" is a drastic understatement.
Anywho, in the evenings I have found myself munching. Not a huge deal...I don't have too much in the house that can do much damage. But munching nonetheless. I found the out of control feelings just out of arm's reach off in the distance last night and it felt like they were just waiting for me. I was lucky and realized what I was doing and was able to force the food back onto the shelf and take myself up to bed.
I am feeling in control today but just wanted to put it out there for everyone to know that you're not alone in the fight. My rough days may be fewer and farther in between but when they come up on me, they come up with a purpose and a mission.
I am so impressed by the positive attitudes on this board! It's very helpful to read how others come up against urges to binge and manage to fight them off. I am on day 3. Day 2 was not easy but I made it through. This weekend is going to be a huge challenge. I have 3 parties to go to and we all know how healthy those finger foods are. I talked to my fiance and asked for him to help me stick to veggies and water/diet soda. I hope this makes me less likely to pick up something I will regret or that will lead to a binge down the road. I am running a 5k on Monday and it will be really uncomfortable if I was coming off a binge. I am praying all the time to be relieved of the obsession with food and it does help for the moment. I need to remember to keep praying!
"opportunity may knock only one but temptation leans on the doorbell."
I send you all some positive energy!
Fruitlady--Way to go on weight loss! Weekend is coming up, and I hope you can keep that weight off. Try to stay on plan ---Just read your last post...I eat a kiwi every day too, sometimes 2 kiwis, and I didn't even know it helps with digestion!
Krampus--Hang in there...hopefully this constipation spell will go away soon...sometimes it takes a week to get normal again, but you seem to be eating well with the veggies. I also eat a small apple every day, that has loads of fiber.
JenFett / FireBirdGirl /K9Owner --Good job making it past the first several days. That's always tough. I blame it on the "junk" still lingering in my system and causing cravings. Don't give in. Be good to your body
K9Owner--If you can't have just one slice of cake, don't eat ANY cake at all. Cake is really just for special occassions, like birthdays. This is what I say to myself, because when I binged before, I used to get one of those single serving slices they sell at the store and eat that along with other junk food. Looking back, I'm thinking, they are called birthday cake for a reason. For birthdays.
Scoot--Have you checked to see if it's wheat/gluten? Maybe nuts, or shellfish? If you eat wheat / gluten, you won't feel sick until it hits your digestive track, hours later. As for nuts, this can be an allergy that comes up in adulthood for some people. Try to experiment 1 week at a time, and see what foods you can eliminate from your diet completely, ie.) No wheat / Gluten from bread processed food for a week...No nuts for a week...No eggs for a week...certain fruits...etc... Your body will thank you once you've figured out the root cause of your digestion upsets. The itchy eyes could just be allergies though. Usually nut allergies occurs immediately after eating, so take note of how soon you feel these symptoms. You do seem like you're eating quite a bit of junk food, so I would take all that out of your diet, and just focus on certain foods, like the eggs, wheat/gluten, nuts. Eating the processed foods makes it hard to determine what is the cause, because they have so many other chemicals and ingredients.
Loving Me--"it wouldn't taste any nicer than the first piece" --Yeah, that is what I say to myself too! This one works well. I'm glad you found your inner voice! That is something I have been experiencing too. I make sure that inner voice that tells me to take good healthy actions is LOUDER than the other one that says ooooh gimme some food! Good job girl! You'll make it to 3 weeks, and don't give in this weekend. You don't have to make this weekend stressful. Take it one hour at a time, and be calm about your decisions.
Ncuneo--Good job avoiding cake! I'm sure you notice other people at work that don't eat the cake too. And you know why...it's just not good for anyone. I hope you stay strong this weekend as well...yeah, repeating what you did last weekend seemed to work. If you have to give into and have a dessert, just tell yourself ONE will be enough. Just as LovingMe (above) has said..."it wouldn't taste any nicer than the first piece". Maybe you could eat your dessert on a full stomach too so you'll be super full and not want more.
Vixsin--You have a lot of days binge free, and I gotta say that is majorly significant and very understandable as to why you feel the way you did last night. You did well though and quickly realized what you were doing. That is the hard part, is when you've gone off the edge and are trying to get out of it, and you did well. For your plateau, can you try to do something out of your comfort zone to make a difference in the scale? Like 2 days back to back of higher intensity exercise, or like eating different foods, whole foods, for a couple of days? I can usually see a difference for myself when I do 2 days of something out of my comfort zone. I guess my body responds well when I push it to do something I'm not used to. I have to thank you for staying on this journey and motivating me, and reminding me to know that it is possible to go that long without binging. Thank you!!
Erin--I'm glad you are praying and being hopeful about your upcoming weekend and 5k run. It's good that you talked to your fiance too because he will surely help you on your journey and remind you to do good things like water intake, etc. Let everyone around you know about your goals, and they will also help keep you accountable to your intentions. Thanks for the positive energy!
Beila- thanks, my plan is to eat lots of fruit this weekend, we have 2 picnics I have to survive through, as long as i have fruit, I'll do fine. I read in a Health Magazine that Kiwi is a mild laxative, no wonder I have no problem going to the bathroom.
Getting ready to leave work. I avoided the cake, it just looked gross. But now I'm clinging like crazy to my sanity. I have urges big time, fortunately there is not much at home to do too much damage, but I always manage to find something. I'm hoping if I'm just kind to myself and mow down some water and much on veggies while prepping dinner I can get through it. I'm kind of having that last supper mentality of - hey! Monday I'm going to get back on plan so let's have one more blow out for old times sake. I know that's not the answer and I hope I cam remember that.
Made it through day 6, stayed low cal today and worked out hard and avoided eating 3 bowls of hubby's yummy cheefy mac (mac n cheese with beef lol) I did eat 2.5 cups though because I will have a drink or two tonight I know because of my low cal intake I can not drink like i usually do on Friday nights because I would get sick. Not only that I don't need the extra cals.
I know most everyone will be faced with temptations this weekend because of all the parties and what have you but just keep strong and it might help bringing healthy snacks with you to help curb any urges that might pop up. Good luck everyone!
Loving Me- Glad you made it through Day 18!! That is really great!
Jenfett- Mac n cheese is sooooo hard to resist!! With beef sounds even harder! LOL!
ncuneo- Good luck this weekend! We're all rooting for ya.
fruitlady- I didn't know that about kiwis! Very good to know! I did read once that they have way more vit C than oranges, too!
Erin- Good luck this weekend, too! Hope you do great in your 5k on Monday, too!
Vixsin- Still love seeing that huge number! I'm glad you got through your hard day, and hoping you see less and less of them!
Scoot- I hope you find out the problem soon! That can't be a good feeling! Maybe artificial coloring might be causing it? I know a lot of people have a problem with them. Hope you feel better!!
Beila- Thanks for that article! Very informative!
--I made it through day 23! Tomorrow is my 5 yr old's pre-k graduation, and is also the day my hubby is leaving to go overseas. Definitely not looking forward to tomorrow (except the graduation, of course!), but am trying to focus on the positive and keep sticking to the plan. I am going to have my own personal 'Biggest Loser' while my DH is gone, LOL. Granted, it's 6 weeks, not 5 months, but I'm going to work my butt off to surprise him when he gets home, LOL! Hoping I can make a big dent in just 6 wks.
Ok girls, have a good weekend, and stay strong! We are all doing so well!!!!
So mid binge (I'll spare you the details it was one of those inevitable ones that I knew I wouldn't be able to fight off so I thought well maybe I'll just give in a little and it will be minor...nope it was bad, and to top it off my AC died it was a high of 100 today and 88 right now AND I dropped my iPhone in the sink and I'm pretty sure I killed it) I thought of a good exercise for us to do.
List your binge triggers, situation or ways you use binging and then list a way to combat the trigger or a way to act in the situation or something to replace the binging. You might not have an answer to it right now, that's ok, but it will be here to think about and if you do have an answer you can come back here to see what your solution is if you forget or want to forget. I'll go first.
1. Anxiety and Panic Attacks - I know I need to allow myself to either meditate or do the appropriate exercises to make them pass. If I cannot do this or am unwilling to just feel the anxiety and let it pass then I think it's time to see someone professionally. Sometime mediation or the exercises just isn't possible, so I think I really need to learn to be comfortable with a certain level of anxiety.
2.Being bored - So I guess this is pretty simple, find something to do, find a hobby, or whatever. If that doesn't work then deal with it, you're bored who cares! Eating isn't any less boring.
3. Neediness by my son when I'm trying to get something done or just get home from work and need a moment to decompress- I'm not sure what to do at this time. My DS is not even 3 so it's just going to take time for him to become more independent. It's also going to take me standing up to him as the adult and letting him know that sometimes he can't always get what he wants. By no fault other than his father's and mine, he's pretty spoiled and the center of attention 24/7 so we need to work on that a little. Otherwise, know that's it's going to take longer to complete something, who cares nothing really has to be done this instance. I'm not going to starve because I can't make dinner right now, or like right now, I can't finish this post this second because he wants to play choo choo. Playing choo choos with DS is certainly more important right now than finishing this post. I'll be back
4. Taking that first bite - So I guess this one is easy, don't take that first bite. I think the only thing that is difficult sometimes is finding the strength to do that. I know I have it though, when I was losing weight I did it ALL the time and eventually it just became second nature. I think once I hit maintenance I started adopting the oh, I can handle just a bite or just a little just this once. Well, I think it's pretty clear that at this juncture until I figure out why I can't stop at just one bite, it's no bites for me unless it's an intential "treat" or "indulgence".
5. PMS - This one I'm at a loss. These are the worst for me. They feel like such out of body experiences, a complete lake of control. I've heard there are herbs I can take and I've been trying them, but I'm not consistant enough or patient enough to find out. Herbs usually take 3-4 months to get into your system. I've heard of a couple vitamins that can help to.
6. Too much hunger or deprivation - EAT if I'm truely hungry, INDULDGE if I'm truely truely craving something specific. I don't know what else to say about this. But the restrict, binge, guilt cycle has to stop.
7. I use binging to relax or escape - Again meditation. Buy something is chemically triggered in me when I binge. I get get this wash of calm that is shortly follwed by guilt, but that calming effect, I just haven't found a substitute.
I'm really embarassed by these last series of binges. They've felt so out of control. That's how my PMS binges usually are. But I'm prepared to let tonight's binge be my farewell binge. Although I have no intentions of binging tomorrow or Sunday, I'm not going to start my official count til Monday, I'm just OCD that way. Monday just feels like a fresh start and will be the "officially" start of my new journey which is many things, first and foremost - my lifetime maintenance plan, a dramatic reduction in overeating and binging and the last leg of my weight lose (the 10 I gained + 10 more). So it's a big day. I know that I just need to stop when I feel the urge, feel it and release it. It's the hardest thing to do sometimes and sometimes the urge is so intense and so painful and if just feels like it won't pass unless I binge, but I know it will and I know that in time I can beat this. I just need some patience and some forgiveness, this can be done I CAN do anything.
I hope everyone is doing better than I am tonight and I wish us all nothing but luck and happiness this weekend.
I just had ANOTHER Slurpee/Nacho dinner. Second night in a row! Even though my breakfasts/lunches are still light and clean. I go through phases where I want a certain food ALL THE TIME, and then it will be over and I won't eat it for a year. This has to be over NOW, though. I have a vacation to Arizona coming up in 5 weeks - it's going to be HOT HOT HOT there when I go and I do not want to feel gross gross gross. If I get a handle on this, I could be down 5-10 pounds (probably more, since I'm CERTAIN I'm carrying around at least 5 of pure bloat right now) and be feeling MUCH better by then. Intermittent fasting is what works for me - it's only when I get lax about it that all this becomes such a problem!
Then there's another vacation to New Orleans in 19 weeks, and it makes me delighted to think of how much better off I could be with that kind of time to work with. I just REALLY need to find something to do with my time that isn't eating.
Beila: Yeah, an elimination test is definitely in order. When I'm eating "icky," there's such a variety of junk going in that it'd be impossible to pinpoint one thing otherwise. Then again, I certainly don't feel like this when I eat mostly "clean" overall, so maybe it's better to not know exactly what the culprit is, lest I try to only eliminate that one thing and think I can magically still feel good eating other crap
Mamato2boys - That's a distinct possibility. I noticed today that I began feeling icky a while after drinking the Slurpee, even before I'd begun eating anything. But then, I'd had a lot of milk at breakfast, so it might also have been from that. Who knows!
Bored: study for GRE, do my grad school applications, go online and post on 3FC, clean my room/bathroom, prepare food, go for a walk
Passing by the market, tempted to get food/snacks at store: (I find excuses to go to the store sometimes...like the ATM, getting eggs, necessities.) Tell myself to just get what is needed, make lists, don't go to the store hungry, make going to the store a planned event and go certain days/times of the week, avoid certain aisles at the store (junk food), think about cost of junk food and what it's doing to my budget.
Sweets: Tell myself how bad the sugar is and think about cavaties.
Cake: Cake is only for birthdays, and even then, I DON'T NEED IT.
Fried food: Remind myself of my cholesterol problem. Remember my cholesterol number goal (I'm going to aim for 130 total, last check was like 199 in October when I was 135 pounds, so it must be high now.)
Feeling sad: Talk to someone on the phone, go work out, cry it out rather than eat. Call up friends and make plans.
