Background (not super important):
I've always been a "binger" -- in the sense that it usually doesn't take a lot for me to be full, and I'm often happy with a 250 calorie chicken salad for a meal, but before I was counting calories I would eat three cookies afterwards anyway, because I "wanted to." Maybe to prove that I could.
Access to food -- any food, no matter how ridiculous -- was a trigger. I would never be able to hold any food in my dorm room because it would be gone within a day. We're talking two boxes of Triscuit within 24 hours (I ate nothing else). Jars of Nutella and carrots (which I convinced myself should be eaten together). Much, much worse stories. I stopped buying food out of fear.
Part of the reason I joined 3FC was to develop better control and stop fearing food. I've become an almost-fanatical calorie counter, and suddenly I don't graze at all and I can cut off binges very quickly -- I haven't gone over maintenance calories since starting, and I'm really proud of that.
The ridiculous thing is
I've become a "hoarder" -- I don't know how else to explain it -- and I suddenly LOVE to buy food. I take extra fruit/cereal from the dining hall after eating. I order Clif bars & plain ole cookies online. I honestly think I've built an arsenal of enough JUNK FOOD to feed twenty people for a week, and I'm a student who doesn't cook her own meals! Just now, I made myself a trail mix out of raisins, dark chocolate, coconut. Not sure what I'll do with it because I'm definitely not eating it, but it's... nice to have the option?
Don't really know where I'm going with this thread, but this new behavior is freaking me out. It's like I'm setting myself up for a binge every time I hoard more goodies I know I want to eat, but I haven't binged yet.