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New man in my life - makes me want to binge

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Old 02-23-2011, 04:24 PM   #1
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Default New man in my life - makes me want to binge

Perhaps someone can relate to how I've been feeling. In December I met a man - he's fantastic, sweet, honest, super good looking and get this, he likes me for me the way I am right now. We've been pretty inseparable since we've met, but I can't shake the feeling that I need to eat. I've always thought that my bingeing was a result of being alone and feeling lonely, but at the other end of the spectrum, being with someone who seems to genuinely want me for me is triggering also. It's like I can't believe that he really wants to be with me and I'm sabotaging myself.

I pretty much binged in secret for all of January. When he left my house after locking the door behind him, my next stop was the refrigerator.

WHY?

On a positive note, I've gotten myself together and am Day 7 binge free. He doesn't know about my issues, but I really want to tell him at some point. I also don't want to fall into that binge cycle again, because when I binge I feel like crap and my self esteem takes a major blow. That in itself is enough to ruin a great start to a potentially very long term relationship
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Old 02-23-2011, 04:43 PM   #2
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Maybe the whole "he wants me for me" is something that's telling you that you no longer have to put yourself through the stress of dieting, eating healthy, whatever you want to call it..... because heck, he's so amazing he'll stay with you anyways!

I finally found a guy like that.... but I tell myself that I want to live a long HEALTHY life with this guy, NOT die of a heart attack at 45 or be sick for our entire relationship due to blood pressure or diabetes (thus making a wonderful man sad and/or obliged to take care of me). That usually snaps me back into it! This is for life.... to be HEALTHY.... not to catch a man or keep one!

Good luck honey
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Old 02-23-2011, 04:47 PM   #3
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I totally agree. I definitely want to be healthy for me and not to try to catch or keep a man.

Thank you
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Old 02-23-2011, 04:50 PM   #4
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You know, I used to eat when I was mad or happy or sad or glad, whatever it was, because I LIKE eating.

If you really aren't hungry then I'd ask yourself what you are feeling at the moment that you want to binge. If it's genuine hunger I'd look at your diet plan. If it's not then I'm sure you'll discover why you are doing it. I think starfish kitty has a good theory but it could still be something else.

I found my binges were out of boredom and habit- I quickly found other things to break those habits and the boredom AND funny but one thing I started doing was going to bed earlier. I get a lot more sleep now it's great

I'm glad you found a great guy but don't let it be the reason you gain weight!
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Old 02-23-2011, 05:37 PM   #5
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KEEP LOSING WEIGHT.
He might not really be happy with your present weight, but when you told him you are on a diet, he might be sticking around to see the real you.

If he likes what he sees a few months from now, he might decide to stick around longer.
If you start to gain weight, he just might step out and find what he is really looking for.

It's best to be thinner, healthy and to look good in smaller clothes. So keep losing for your own sake.

A thinner person is more apt to get higher pay and a better job too.

Being thin pays off in a lot of ways.
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Old 02-23-2011, 06:02 PM   #6
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The weight and food thing you do for you! Because you care for yourself, don't put anybody before that! I have also binged on men... I think mine was nervousness and fear that things might go wrong, fear of rejection and abandonment. At the time I weighted less than now so I thought it is ok to just eat but weight went up, man i gone and now I have to deal with myself. I also thought loneliness made me eat but no, all other emotions do.
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Old 02-23-2011, 06:21 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mammasita View Post
I pretty much binged in secret for all of January. When he left my house after locking the door behind him, my next stop was the refrigerator.

WHY?
This may just be true for me, but when I binged regularly, I found that I was inclined to do it when I was ecstatic AND when I was anxious.

And my conclusion was that agitation is what causes it. Any kind of inner agitation. Any time the dials get turned toward one extreme or another, and I'm vibrating with a strong emotion, it's hard for me to stand it. It's like I'm skinless & without any protection from my feelings. So I try to moderate it & turn it down. And one of my methods for that is eating. Eating focuses me, evens me out a little & brings me "safely" down from my high, as well as hauling me up from my low.

The issue seems to be that I don't like feeling anything too strongly or being overwhelmed, whether it's happiness or anxiety or depression.

When my feelings reach a certain pitch, I have to be careful with myself.
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Old 02-23-2011, 08:10 PM   #8
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Saef - that makes perfect sense. Either extreme makes me, I guess, uncomfortable.
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Old 02-24-2011, 04:40 PM   #9
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This post was a trigger for me....but in a good way....because it made me think about myself.

You know, I am purposely not looking to get into a relationship for this very reason. I have admitted to this before and although I am not proud of it but.....a BIG % of why I want to lose weight is to be secure enough to get involved with a man again; and not be insecure nekkid when that time comes. However, I know myself well enough to know that if I do meet someone who likes me for me, my weight loss motivation (that "BIG %") will go away. Does that make even a little bit of sense? LOL I am dreading the day that I will meet someone unexpectedly.

I'm in NO way saying to get rid of this great and wonderful guy. I think that being honest with him will keep you accountable to yourself. He sounds awesome and I have no doubt he'll be there to hold your hand through this rough patch. :-)

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Old 02-24-2011, 04:47 PM   #10
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Yes. I'm going through a bit of the same thing for the same reason. Not sure if I'm just falling back to comfort of old habits because everything else is turned up a notch, or if I'm triggering because I'm now a bit more anxious about my body now that someone is seeing it naked.

I'm trying not to spend too much time analyzing it but instead putting mental effort into stopping the behaviour. Not perfect, but getting better.
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Old 02-27-2011, 05:14 PM   #11
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Pay attention to what your body and mind is telling you. Every situation is different, but it always takes time to get to know someone. I have been in a couple of short term relationships while being close to my "largest", was nice at first to have that feeling of "he likes me the way I am". A few weeks into the first one, he started talking about the ex referring to her as, well I won't say it, but disparaging about her large size. We broke up shortly after because he was really needy, crazy, and he immediately hooked up with another woman, a little larger than me. A few months later I saw them out socially, and she had put on at least 50 pounds. I think he didn't necessarily like larger, but thought the bigger they are, the less likely they leave, and I had no doubt he would be calling her those same horrible names that he said he would call his ex wife. A year or so later, while getting some really exciting things in my life, tried dating again. No matter how many times I asked him to not constantly want to get pizza, stock my frig with fudge, he kept it up, and before you know it, I couldn't fit into my jeans.
Your wanting to eat may not have anything to do with him, more about intimacy issues etc, but I just wanted to illustrate that there are some men who have their own reasons for wanting a woman who is "large". If you can't get a grip on your self, for your own sake, cut him lose. No relationship is worth putting yourself through those things, even if he is not the direct cause.
And, most importantly, cut yourself some slack, see it as some backsliding that you WILL get under control. Beating ourselves up is never the answer. If you need someone to talk to, find them.
Best of luck
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Old 02-27-2011, 05:18 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JOLINA View Post
KEEP LOSING WEIGHT.
He might not really be happy with your present weight, but when you told him you are on a diet, he might be sticking around to see the real you.

If he likes what he sees a few months from now, he might decide to stick around longer.
If you start to gain weight, he just might step out and find what he is really looking for.

It's best to be thinner, healthy and to look good in smaller clothes. So keep losing for your own sake.

A thinner person is more apt to get higher pay and a better job too.

Being thin pays off in a lot of ways.
Sorry, but this kind of thinking is perpetuating discriminatory thinking. Better jobs, higher pay, might be the fact, but it is NOT RIGHT, and one of the things that fuels eating disorders. There are many many high paid women who wear plus size clothes.
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Old 02-27-2011, 05:44 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saef View Post
This may just be true for me, but when I binged regularly, I found that I was inclined to do it when I was ecstatic AND when I was anxious.
Oh saef, this is so true! I have used food as a drug so that I wouldn't have to feel strong feelings, whether good or bad. I have memories of talking with someone and at the same time wondering which store I was going to stop by to get ice cream so that I could just go home and zone out with a binge.

Understanding this about myself has been a big help. I might eat more calories than I should once in a while, but I don't feel the need to put myself in a stupor with food the way I used to.
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Old 02-27-2011, 05:49 PM   #14
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Make a new routine for when he leaves. Set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes and just sit quietly, in a chair or on the floor and breathe. Notice all the thoughts and physical sensations that are coming up - maybe your stomach is flip flopping, maybe you are telling yourself different things about the relationship, maybe your heart is beating faster. Just notice all these things without judging them.

Sit and watch your mind until the urge to binge has passed. Then get out of the house for a walk or something, or make plans to meet a friend.
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