Ok Lizzy--It does and it doesn't get easier. As I see my binge-free days number get bigger and bigger, I feel that as motivation to not binge. I can't stand the thought of starting over.
However, there are spurts of time where I do really want to chuck it all. Like for the last two weeks, I've had several stressors in my life, and all I could think about was food. It took so much strength, just as much as it did early on, to not drive to the store and pick up my favorite binge foods.
So I guess for me, the urge is still just as strong. I've just gotten better at pushing it away. It's like building muscle. The longer you work on not binging, the better you are at not binging, but that doesn't mean it's easy at all.
I do still have to come here every day, read posts, and post my own number, even though it's almost been a year. So clearly, the support system is crucially helpful, and crucially necessary!
Good luck, you can do it! I never thought I'd be able, but here I am!
I have to second what Paris said. I also can't stand the idea of starting over at Day 1 now. I've done that once and I don't want to do it again. That is a real motivator for me.
On my own journey I have noticed that some things get easier the longer you go on and some things don't change at all from Day 1 to 101. Like Paris said, when I have things going on in my life, my first reaction is to run to food for comfort. I call that "The Monster." The difference now is that I can recognize my thought patterns and I am able to actively get myself out of that way of thinking and back to reality.
Like Paris said, the urges are still there loud and clear. Just waiting for you to give in. The power we get from counting days and resisting them makes it easier to do it every time. I love Paris' analogy that not binging is like a muscle and the more you work at it, the better you get at it.
Binging for me has always taken place in my head. The shame. The guilt. The horrible self-talk. Now, I am so much better at not letting those voices rule me. But make no mistake about it, it has not been easy by any stretch of the imagination. But it's taking heart in the small victories along the way that really helped for me. (1 week, 2 weeks, 1 month, etc) It empowered me to see that I CAN accomplish things I set my mind to. That combined with eating healthy and being in total control of my food helped to keep my mind quiet because I was actively doing healthy things.
Like Paris, I still need this place everyday. I may not respond to them all, but I read every post. I have taken it upon myself to make a new thread every week because I want/need it. I need to count my days everyday. You had your "a-ha!" moment and came here and we're very glad for it. It is the unwavering, amazing amount of support that you'll receive here that will KEEP you here!
I read all of your posts diligently every day for advice, inspiration, motivation, etc. but I just haven't been able to make it past day 10. I think, "I'm not overweight, so I can have XYZ..." and that's how it starts. Of course, then the pounds come back on because this is not a healthy way to eat. I also realize this isn't an eating habit per se but an emotional reaction to something and I'm trying to figure out what it is because it's not as simple as determining a single feeling -- boredom, anger, sadness, what have you.
Ugh, I feel so disgusting and am so disappointed in myself. I feel like the 3/4 lbs I have regained (albeit temporarily, most likely) seem to be red, flashing arrows pointing to my tummy and inviting everyone to stare and notice that I am pudgier.
The good news is...I have been very consistent in my workouts.
Hey ya'll - Stressers are making me want to eat. My whole body feels clinched up right now. I feel like a flake because I canceled a party that I was planning on Friday so that I could leave a day early with my mom and sis to go to Houston and visit my Grandfather (who has been in the hospital). We were already planning on going Saturday but in talking to my mom this AM, we realized we could leave Friday if I didn't have the party.
I guess being flaky is a trigger for me because it's a trend that I am trying to overcome. I have this bag of popcorn that I brought for a snack that I started eating and stopped because I wasn't hungry.
I know rationally that it is ABSOLUTELY OK to reschedule a party so that I could see my Grandfather who isn't doing well, but I guess I'm worried people will think I'm flaky? Or partly it feels like an excuse not to have a party?
Sorry I'm rambling here but rambling is better than eating.
Today is day 16. No binging but these feelings I'm having sure make me want to eat.
leblebi - i sooo know what you mean about the flashing lights on my belly. my friend's mom died at the start of jan and she didnt see me from before the holiday break until mid jan. she says "you are looking good" when really i was up nearly 10 lbs (and still am!) and i feel like she was just 'being nice' or something... like this belly of mine is just screaming "TALK ABOUT ME! I AM FAT AGAIN!"
urg....of course, i know how to make the belly, bloating and flashing lights go aaway... STOP EATING CRAP! just eat the good fuel...
today is day 1... every day is going to be day 1... i am not going to binge, i am just going to look at each day as a chance to restart, to recommit, to refocus. i am going to come and post that i was on plan the day before and today is day 1... i don't want a goal-line to meet. i obsess over them. i just want to live each day "on plan" and happy (and i don't just mean food, i mean working hard at work, being a great mom, etc etc)
so... it is nearly 1pm and day 1 is 1/2 over so... i can do this!
Day 25.
I'm really stressed out. Family stuff. In-law stuff. Wedding planning stuff. I'm really stressed out. But I am NOT going to overeat, because then I will just feel worse!
happytobeamomof2 -- it makes me feel so much better that someone understands specifically what I mean about the flashing red lights. Thanks so much for sharing. I will also adopt your perspective...not count days necessarily, but approach every day as one for "clean living."
Your mom's friend in all likelihood wasn't being nice and was being sincere. Really, in the grand scheme of things, your extra 10 lbs and my extra whatever it is (not weighing myself but it's 3 or 4) really don't make that much of a visual difference, if at all. But because we are so sensitive about it and attune to it for us it's infinitely magnified. It feels like I've been wearing my "fat" clothes a lot lately...dresses that only skim my body, leggings with long sweaters/cardigans, whatever I have in my closet that's long and flowy I'm wearing so my outfits don't betray me and give the illusion of normalcy. This is such an unhealthy way to think...I really need to stop being so hard on myself and letting my weight define how I feel about myself and dictate my happiness.
leblebi - soooo true! of course, i wonder what my spinning class thinks of my gain since i wear LuLuLemon work out clothes so there is no hiding it there!!! i do have to take a deep breath and just accept that i have this same 10lbs to loose, again ! but...it should come off "quickly" since it is a lot of carb/binge weight... just remaining positive and getting some sleep will really help...and knowing other people feel the same emotions i do...like you!!!
Hey Raven - I totally understand what you are going through - Family stresses (Grandfather isn't doing well), wedding stresses (getting married in June), school stresses, work stresses.... And I feel anxious right now about to go meet a client that I've never met before. Praying for positive professionalism.
I had a small piece of cake and small brownie with coffee after my lunch (it was delicious)- I promise you ladies that I will NOT have any more sweets today - no matter how hard it is. I won't eat until snacktime (popcorn) and I won't eat until I am hungry.
Day 50! That seems impossible somehow. As the number gets bigger, the more scared I am to start over. I guess that's motivation, but I worry about what I'll do if/when I do mess up. I think, though, that if I try to make each binge-free period last longer, than the last, I'll be okay.
Day 4 coming to an end, still going strong so far. Had a very small piece of fudge when it was passed around at work today, but resisted the urge to take more and didn't have any other snacks all day apart from fruit.
Haven't eaten crisps since I started this, because I know they're a trigger for me. Weird, because I have more of a sweet tooth, but I know that I used to make crisps part of my binges to alternate with sweet foods so that I could eat more without feeling sick. This sounds so horrible now I've actually written it down, but hope that will help prevent me from falling into the same old trap again in future...
I so need the feeling of bliss and lack of emotion a binge used to give me, but thats lost to me. (definitely a good thing) , last time I wanted that fog food gives me, I just felt ill and unsatisified.
Now i want that fog food gives me so much, but I know a binge wont help... Gotta find something else that gives me that sense of detachment to life. *SIGH*
