Hey, Ladies,
I'm 16 years old and I've been battling binging and purging since I was 12. I'm a very emotional eater, and I'm trying to get my life back on track and graduate high school at a healthy weight. So far, I've gone for a month without an episode.
Enter my mother. I still live at home and am homeschooled. I love her and she does a really great job giving me a quality education, but sometimes her concern for my education seems to overshadow her love for me. Today, a SUNDAY, she gave me 3 geometry tests, a chapter in government, and a week's worth of vocabulary to do. I'm okay with doing the school, but I was really hoping to get to go to the gym for my lifting/cardio routine. She just came into my room and yelled at me for "having no ambition," being "apathetic to my education," and for "having a terrible attitude towards the things that really matter." She knows that I struggle with my weight, and she also knows that I've lost 12 and a half pounds this month due to HONEST weight loss instead of throwing up. And yet, she told me that if I don't get A's on all of the schoolwork I do today, I'm not exercising for a week.
I'm NOT apathetic to my education. I love learning, I have a 4.0 GPA, I got a 92nd percentile score on my PSAT, and I was nominated for my state's Governor's Scholar Program. I'm no dummy, and I really do try to get my schoolwork done. But what matters more to me than my school is my health, and it feels like she just doesn't care. I'm battling insulin resistance, my disorder, PCOS and just being a fat teenager, and all she cares about is that she doesn't have to foot the bill for my college. She wouldn't, and anyway, regardless of whether or not I do get scholarships, I would get a job and work my way though it. Sorry for the long post, but I just had to vent. Sometimes, I feel like you guys are the only people who really give a care if I get healthy or not. I don't know why she feels the need to cut me down to build up my education. That in itself isn't so bad, but what really hurts is that she's trying to punish me by making sure I stay obese until I do what she wants. I'm not stupid, and I want to go to college. Why can't that be enough for her?
Don't feel too bad about it. I went through a similar situation with my stepmother when I was about 14, but it was the opposite. I was in very good shape, a dancer, and if I didn't do something she wanted she would restrict my eating, i.e., no potatoes or pasta or cheese for a week as punishment. I know that this is nothing compared to how you feel, but I can sympathize . I think what you might have to do is just have a straightforward conversation with her and let her know that no, you are not letting your education take a backseat in your life, but you are also not going to let your health take that backseat either.
The response that you get may not be a good one, but at least you'll have stood your ground and you can continue to make a positive change in your life and in your health. Kudos to losing weight naturally without binging and purging!! You are a strong, confident, young woman and you can do anything you set your mind to! Don't ever forget that!
Check you out, Ms. 92 percentile. Not easy to do on the PSAT.... I work in a high school, and used to work in college admissions, so I know a lot about the college process and college applications in general (plus, I was homeschooled as well, so I know what is asked of applicants who come from that scenario) and it sounds as though you are working so hard academically. Great work!
Sorry this doesn't leave much time for working out, and I agree that is important to work with your mom to find some balance. If she's focused on school and grades and college, etc etc...have you thought of ways to incorporate workouts or activities into some sort of "extra curricular" engagement? Maybe volunteering with little kids, which can be quite a workout, or doing some sort of manual labor with a gardening initiative/ habitat for humanity/ etc? This way it "looks good" for college AND you can stay in shape!
Feel free to send me a private message if you want to talk more-- I get the pressures of homeschooling and college applications ...and I was also overweight as a teen. It's a lot to balance.
That's a lot to deal with... I had a binging and purging problem for awhile too. My mom told me that she'd submit me to the hospital if I were to keep making myself sick. I stopped immediately, I was terrified of going to treatment for something like that. It wasn't that difficult for me to stop because at the time I was in weight training and it was easy to keep the weight off. Your mom telling you that you aren't allowed to work out is abuse. It's no different then if she were not to feed you or make sure you were clothed, even taking you to the doctors. Let her know that the brain functions better with exercise and that kind of punishment is keeping you from her expectations. Tell her you want regular weekends like everyone else that goes to public school. You don't need the stress of HW every 24/7.
ok...with your grades and intelligence, i'm sure you can find scholarships, grants, and other funding for school. i grew up lower middle class, and i was fortunate enough to have most of my college paid for, and whatever i couldn't pay for, i took out in student loans (which were pretty minimal). i went to a state school, so it wasn't too expensive. what i'm saying here, is that you have options. and with your grades, you'll be able to apply for scholarships and programs. also, there is something called a FAFSA (free application for federal student aid) that you fill out that will basically help schools figure out a financial aid package for you.
ok sorry, didn't mean to overwhelm you with info. just remember- where there is a will, there is a way as far as paying for school. don't worry about that for now. i think what you should do is relay that to your mom. tell her that you do have great grades, reassure her that when it comes time to apply for schools, that you'll look into scholarships and such, and that her putting all this pressure on you is causing you much stress.
also, let her know that you being healthy equates to your overall wellbeing, which in turn will affect your grades and overall performance. her punishing you with no exercise sounds a bit extreme.
be honest with her. maybe work out a schedule with her for when you can work out along with a feasible homework/school schedule. she might also appreciate being more involved in the process.
also, congrats on the episode free month! that is wonderful!!! keep up the good work, and as hard as this pressure is to deal with, keep coming on here and post your butt off. we're here to you hun
Last edited by fillupthesky; 01-30-2011 at 07:37 PM.
I'm clueless about the criteria one has to meet for home school, but don't you need some sort of PE credits? In regular school in my area a HS kid needs 4 credits of Physical Education, (gym class) to graduate.
[QUOTE=Our Lady Bonbon;3684223] She knows that I struggle with my weight, and she also knows that I've lost 12 and a half pounds this month due to HONEST weight loss instead of throwing up. And yet, she told me that if I don't get A's on all of the schoolwork I do today, I'm not exercising for a week.
You are so strong to be accomplishing all you are, studying so hard and getting healthier. The reason I picked the quote above from your post is it really struck a cord with me. Around 1995 I weighed approx. 315 and I got down to my goal weight of 150 having said that I weighed on my parents scale once a week on a Sunday. (I didn't live with them but lived close.) I had been overweight most of my life and seeing the weight come off and wearing smaller clothes and just the shear positive health factor made me very excited but every Sunday when I would tell them how much I'd lost they literally never said a word and every Sunday it felt like someone had just slapped me. Parents are suppose to want the best for you and health trumps obsessive studying everyday. What will the obsessive studying get you if you end up feeling that taking care of yourself takes a backseat?
Like some of the other people have said maybe trying to have a "heart to heart" talk with her (maybe you could write down what you would like to say and the best way you think she might "get it".) Be creative like one of the other ladies said if you can find a volunteer opportunity that would look good on your college applications/scholarships I think that may be hard for your mother to turn down.
Wow, I'm sorry you have to deal with a mother who isn't supportive. I work in higher education, so the first thing I would tell you is that you don't need your mother to go to college. If you claim yourself as a dependent at 18 (meaning you pay your own taxes and she can't claim you on her taxes), you could probably get some Pell Grants (FREE Govt. Money) to go to college. Also, if you are doing so well in school, you could apply for scholarships as well!
The only thing I can say is that you can't control how your mom treats you, but you CAN control how you react to her and how you let it affect you! Stand up for yourself and don't take her attacks personally (I know that is hard!); if you believe in yourself, it really doesn't matter what she thinks of you! Prove her wrong
make some sort "responsibility chart" with your mom. Put school time as your responsibility. Also put Gym time (your time) also on the chart. Your time is YOUR time. Go to the gym to burn off your emotional stress. Let your mom approve it and make her put that on your Responsibly chart.
I do this with my son (who is 6 now). Every day he gets new chart out and checks things out when he completes things. Everything needs to be in order. He has School responsibilities (subjects), then i also put Video Games at the end. When he gets all his Responsibilities done then he can get to his "favorite" stuff.
Last edited by unwanted37lbs; 02-03-2011 at 03:50 PM.
She's supposed to build me up!
. I think what you might have to do is just have a straightforward conversation with her and let her know that no, you are not letting your education take a backseat in your life, but you are also not going to let your health take that backseat either. 
to you hun
