[yazmataz329]

Hi, I'm Yasmin, and I'm back here after lurking for most of last year.

I have a serious bingeing/compulsive eating problem, and I'm really hoping this year to be able to kick these problems in the butt, but I'm so terrified that I can't and I won't ever be able to live my life normally. I have always had issues with sneaking food as a kid and overeating, but my parents were so strict that I was only chubby, not really fat, and then I had a growth spurt in 9th grade and was normal for a few years. However, even when I was a normal weight I have always felt large and uncomfortable with my body and I've hated it as long as I can remember. Once I got access to a car and money, my crappy eating tendencies became harder and harder to control and I started to binge basically everyday. In basically 3 years I've gained about 80 pounds and today I'm at my highest weight ever. I've done the sickest things to feed my eating disorder - from stopping at 3 different fast food restaurants in a row to eating nearly all of a large pizza or entire tubs of ice cream. Frequently i'll eat after dinner because I'm just not satisfied mentally. I'm always planning the next foray to get food and my mind isn't satisfied until I get something. Last summer i lost 20 pounds with atkins and lots of exercise and was at my lowest weight in months until I coalesced and started eating carbs again and regained the 20 pounds plus 15 more pounds, which is possibly the worst feeling I've ever felt in my life.

I was already insecure about my looks and my body before my disordered eating got worse, and now I literally hate looking at myself in the mirror. My clothes fit horribly, no one wants to be in a relationship with me, I can't shop in stores with my friends, I have disgusting stretch marks on my sides, my parents hate the way I look, I'm mortified to hang out with old friends, and my stomach is so huge that i look 5 months pregnant. I spend all of my money on food, whether it be junk food binges, or expensive diet foods and exercise gear. dealing with these problems has changed my entire outlook on life. I used to be so much happier and carefree, and now, seeing the way that my life has become centered around cyclically hating my body, wanting to diet, and bingeing, I am terribly miserable and unhappy. I'm supposed to be starting a new lifestyle change today, and instead of waking up refreshed from a good night's sleep, I woke up at 3 AM and started vomiting for no good reason, which seems like a bad omen.

I'm really inspired by the women (and men) on this website, and I know many of you have come to lose weight and change your ways after years and years of bad habits like mine. It's just so hard connecting with people - in real life, all my friends are tiny and eat almost whatever they want and love to workout or just want to lose 5 pounds and it's impossible to communicate any of these things to them. Please help me get on the right path!

[chickybird]

I am so glad you are here! Welcome!!!! We do know how you feel. I have struggled with this too, and go to OverEater's anonymous meetings when I can. Please post here when you feel stressed, call a friend, take up a hobby. You can do this!

[Aubrey87]

Best of luck to you Yasmin!! have you ever considered going to a counsellor/physciatrist about your bingeing? I have always considered going but have never worked up the courage. It could be something helpful for both of us! .. just a thought!
Aubrey

[kelligirl]

Man, I hear ya. I just had a baby and that added to my compulsive binging. I was starting to wonder if there would be any way I could live a normal life. I would actually wait for my boyfried to leave, bake cookies, then eat them all before he got back and knew that I made cookies. I loved to binge on carbs, it would make be feel good in some sick way. Anyway, I just started Atkins last week and any urge to binge has been removed from my thoughts. I am hoping that things continue this way. I was living in between binges before and Atkins way of eating is appearing to be setting me free.

All the best to you in figuring out what will help
Hugs

[heavyhitter1]

Nice post and very honest. You realize you have a problem and addiction to food. I come to the same realization that I too am a food addict. I have done so of the same stuff you have.

If you can get on a calorie counting regiment it might help. For me limiting myself to X amount of calories really help me. The first 2 weeks are the hardest. Every diet I been on once I can get past the 2 week barrier I am good to go.

I think calorie counting is important. You can treat your self to fast food from time to time, just realize it takes up alot of calories so a burrito from Taco Bell will really take a hit on your overall daily allowance.

Figure out your binge triggers. For me its sadness and depression. If I have a bad day or am angry I want to hog out and its is near impossible to control myself.

I find it hard to eat a small amout of the foods I love. I want to eat it till I feel miserable.

Food addiction is so hard to deal with. Its like giving a "small" dose of heroin to a junky or 1 drink to an alchoholic and telling them to stop.

We need food to live so we are infact the alcoholic that has to force themself to have that one drink every day but no more.

I am no expert and this is my first real post on this forum but, may I suggest:

1. Find your binge eating triggers and know what they are so that you can cope.

2. Know your calorie intake allows and monitor track it throughout the day.

3. Provide yourself healthy alternatives. If you only have healthy foods in the house, your binge wont be so bad of you go out of control.

Eating a whole cube of celery is not as bad as eating a whole pizza.

4. When you are feeling a binge come on drink a couple glasses of water and do something to take yoru mind off food, the craving will pass.

5. Take a daily vitamin. Sometimes your body will crave a food item that has a particular nutrient if it is deficient. Its your bodies way fo getting that nutrient in your system.

6. Dont starve yourself, when you are very hungry its easy to over eat. Make sure you eat atleast 3 meals and 2 snacks a day.
I like to set aside what all I can eat in a day so when it is gone its gone, that's it... cut off. I find snacks between meals keep my binging in check.

If you follows these steps you will lose weight but the hardest part is WILLPOWER! You have to force yourself to stick with it. It is easier said than done. I fail in this areana myself.

I hope this helps. This is what I done to help me in the past. Your binging and my binging sound alot alike.