Icedragon: I can relate as well. For what it's worth, I've learned that it's all about congratulating yourself to keep the monster at bay. I used to have those same feelings of being out of control. It's taken alot for me to be able to force myself to see a positive in a situation rather than focusing on the negative and then proceeding to beat myself up about it. Even now, I am well aware that everything could change in the blink of an eye with just one binge. To me, it's that awareness that keeps me forging ahead to uncharted waters just to see how far I can go. I remember those feelings of guilt and self loathing and I sit with them and I think about them often. Especially when I am faced with trigger foods and even more so around this time of year for me.
One of my girls in another forum said something to someone else who was struggling and it really resonated with me. It was "discipline is remembering what you want." I put it on the top of my monitor here at work. Just some thoughts from me to you. Hope they help.
My bingeing lasts for almost a month on anf off, but this last week it's been a daily routine. And I'm so angry at myself. After every binge I told myself it's ok, it's ok, and by telling myself that I kept on doing it. Now I've decided that I will be very harsh to myself, cause when I feel guilty I resist easier. After everyday bingeing I'm worried that this will become a habbit and that I will gain everything back. I already gained 6 pounds, I feel very uncomfortable, my clothes feel too tight, but I can't stop. Every day after binge I would eat normally but as soon as I come home I get ideas of what could I eat, what is there waiting for me, and my mom keeps bringing junk food home, and I keep telling her to stop but she doesn't. I've been under lot of stress so that is one of the reasons too. I will try to eat normally next week because I will be home and have more time for cooking. I was thinking about detox diet for a week but am affraid that It will only be worse.
So today has been ok, no binge but I ded overeat a little on bread and some chocolate but within my daily calorie intake.
there is far too much food in my house for me to risk binging. so today i am steering clear of anything that will set off a binge
I am very determined to keep that binge monster on a leash permanently i have let it run me for far too many years, so now instead of it controlling me, its time i controlled it.
Today i am re packing some of my gifts (of chocolates..) into single serves and freezing them, seems to work with my easter choccy. And makes them far less available. I tried to re gift them, but as they are expensive and very yummy just cannot do it.. i have been giving the kids quite a bit to be rid of temptation.
Also taking a lot with us to family tomorrow.. and deliberately leaving it behind when we go. .Hehehehe ooopsy....
Just bought a heap of yummy fruit and plan to make a fruit platter to take with us, so i have something to nibble on instead of the junk, i have aricots, nectarines, grapes, lychees, cherries, water melon, mango... yum
day 21 today, and determined to stay on track and get to onerland by new years
Day 15. Have almost entirely lost my appetite in the "motivated" way. It's my birthday today but I think I'm going to try and stay under 2000 calories. Lowest weight ever this morning.
Oh! I'm glad I found this thread! Today is day 1 for me. I've been at Disney the past few days eating all kinds of unhealthy items. I've decided I need to start treating this as an addiction. I have beat addiction to nicotine and I can beat an addiction to overeating darnit! I have not lost a pound this month and weigh 210 right now (my ticker is a lie). However, I know that is mainly water weight and if I just abstain from overeating and drink water I will be back down in a few days. I work Christmas eve and day and know there is going to be all kinds of trigger foods there. I am determined to bring my own food and eat only that!!!
Day 6. I'm hesitant to say that. I for sure overate last night and the night before, though I'm not sure I qualify it as a binge. It wasn't that excessive or out-of-control feeling, but I was eating when not hungry. Hmm.
I got on the scale this morning to find it said 174 lbs, but I know I definitely didn't eat 14,000 extra calories since two days ago, so I'm chalking most of it up to water weight. Still, it's discouraging to see the scale going backwards this early in the game :/
I still really want to make it through the rest of this year without binging at all. I was sort of slipping on motivation, but my (tiny) friend took me clothes shopping yesterday as my Christmas present and it was frustrating to have to turn down so many cute clothes that I would have fit into last year, before my binging got completely out of hand.
Merry Christmas eve everybody! I am still binge-free just for today. I did overeat a bit tho but i had to stop at some point because i know that is the sick behavior that i have developed that tells me eat more. So what if I do? Nothing gets better, I get fuller and fatter. It is only food, it no longer gives me that kick and that pleasure, it does not work any more. It is only food, so what that it can look so and so and taste so and so... i need to stop before it gets worse and makes my life a living ****! And i pray to God to have the strength to stop and not to harm myself!
so far, so good for Christmas day, after lunch which was pork/gravey, some sweet potato and salad
I just haven't the feelings to eat more, though i did pass up pavalova, trifle and rumballs..
feeling really good at the moment, may yet be the first Christmas in history that i haven't ended up with a month long Christmas binge..
It was going to be day 25 binge-free but i did binge eat last night in all honesty... the amount of food I ate... was not normal and i know i cannot eat this kind of food because it drags me into eating more and more and more, just because I am sick and I am addicted to it, it does not give me pleasure, i cannot eat food like other people do... it is all or nothing because some foods set me off and i just eat more and more and think that if i eat i bit more i will reach a point of satisfaction but all i reach is a point of wanting more and self loathing... i would say today is day 1 but it is not, even my breakfast was just messed up but i am bit by bit becoming willing to eat a clean meal next... although in my head i am saying to myself that i have eaten half of my daily calories already... oh well! Progress, not perfection!
Hope they help.
