Chicks in Control Overeating? Binging? Share uplifting support and gain control!

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Old 10-21-2002, 06:11 PM   #1  
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Default Do I have to gain the weight back to squelch the voices?

I've been dealing with my ED for about 16 yrs now. I started out with anorexia and eventually became bulimic. It has done it's damage and I've gained and lost weight so many times I can't count. I'm 5'8" and I got to a size 18. After awhile, even though I wasn't thrilled to be overweight, I got more comfortable being "fat". I figured it was just a word. I was pretty content and had a healthy self esteem, so when my sister said she was going on WW's I thought it was the perfect time for me to get healthier. I lost the weight and as usual got so addicted to shrinking that I got too thin again. That didn't last long though. I was at 133 and now b/c of bingeing over the last 8 months I've put on about 15 lbs. When I was heavier, sure I ate more than I should, but I wasn't bingeing and obsessing about food either. I'm just about ready to give up completely on WW's or any other weight maintainance program simply b/c it seems to feed my obsession. Do I really have to be overweight again though to stop the damn voices in my head? What makes it worse is that ppl are constantly telling me how beautiful I am. How I look like a model. I'm thinking....I'm a complete fraud! I don't want to give up and gain all that weight back, but what else to do? Is there any hope? I've done the therapist thing, the antidepressant thing, and pretty much done it all. I'm just so damn tired! Tired of purging with exercise, tired of dreaming about food, tired of beating myself up, and tired of failing. I am so afraid to gain the weight back, but I'm more scared of what will happen if I keep going on this way. This post comes after 2 days of bingeing and no exercise. I give up!!
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Old 10-24-2002, 11:43 PM   #2  
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I know kind of how you feel. I am obsessed as well, but it never helps me to lose any weight. The more I think about dieting, the more I binge, and the more weight I put on. As soon as I stop thinking about it (rare, but it has happened), I do lose a few pounds. But as soon as someone makes a comment about me losing weight, I start obsessing again!

It's terrible to live with. I wish I hated food and lived a normal life. I think about eating constantly. Think about how I shouldn't, then get angry, then eat it anyway. I really do hate myself.

Heidi
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Old 10-29-2002, 10:49 PM   #3  
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If I were you I would do what you feel best with. At 5'8, a size 18 isn't so bad. That's my opinion. I have had the same issues as you and for many years. For me, it took a lot of thinking about what I was doing and the reasons and changing some of my beliefs about myself and weight loss. It is still a never ending battle but there is hope for it. Have you seen this link? It has some pretty sound information throughout the site:

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

There is also an excellent book called: "Self Esteem Comes in All Sizes"
by Carol A Johnson

The book is written very intelligently and is about how we can feel good no matter what we look like. We can choose to lose weight or not. We can do it for our health issues and for reasons of health more than anything. It helps us to focus on what's the most important things. There are also people overweight who choose to be larger and are healthy and strong through exercise according to the book. There's much more but it is a fantastic book written by a woman who overcame much.

Best of luck to you
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