[pink1gloss]

Okay..So Ive realy started getting healthy lately. Today was day 4 of it. Ive been eating healthy, tracking everything on sparkpeople and today I wasnt doing bad until I was just realy starving, I couldve ate something healthy, but I landed up eating a big bowl of tator tot casserole and went over my daily calories by atleast 600 calories! I sat here in front of my computer feeling so guilty with a full stomach, trying to say it will be okay, just dont eat anymore and do better tomorrow. But no, I totally wigged out, drank a bottle of water and went downstairs and forced myself to throw it all up. So much that I started throwing up the samwitch I ate for lunch! ...I feel totally out of control. I just wanted to do good this time and not screw up like I always do and let the "fat side" of me take control and I let it..I just wanted to be the "new healthy me"... I told my boyfriend and he told me I was sick! I feel even worse, I feel like such a failure. Maybe Ill never be thin, maybe Ill just be this blob of a mess forever. For once I just want to be stronger, and be one of those success stories but I feel like maybe Ill just always be like this. Always falling off the wagon and giving into temptations..I just feel so f**ken worthless, I feel like I should be on all 4's in a pig barn eating baked potatos like a fat hog.

[doingmybest]

Please, please, please don't punish yourself. I wish that I could find the right words to say to you to make you feel better. For now, this is what I want to share with you:

1. Realize that you are absolutely wonderful just the way you are right now.
2. Your value as a person does not depend on your weight or what you just ate.
3. This is not worth making yourself sick over.
4. You are not a failure, you are not a blob of a mess and you are not worthless. You are very important.

Find the right support and a plan. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Please keep reading and posting on 3FCs. I also hope that you can find an eating plan that will work for you.

We are all here for you. Here is a hug to wish you well.

[Runic]

Take it one day at a time. You messed up today but tomorrow is a new day. And next week is a new week. Right now you need a stable routine... losing control and throwing up is not going to help you get there in the long term. Even if you screw up an entire week it's just one week... keep going. Keep trying. Like doingmybest said, don't punish yourself. You're human, you're going to make mistakes and you're going to have bad days. It's okay.

[swtbttrfly23]

I agree with the above! Please chill out :-) I know what you're talking about, I came from that place myself. I am not perfect by any means, but I am so much better and for that I deserve to be proud! Remember your accomplishments and try to always think first about the things you really want in the long run, not just in the right now. Try to have a plan for when you get that hungry, or better yet, don't let yourself get that hungry! Nourish your body with good foods that are good for you. Are you not eating enough calories each day? There is no shame in purposefully eating a few extra calories to help your energy and hunger level. Maybe there is not enough protein in your diet to sustain you?

The point is that it's never going to be perfect, it's an imperfect process! Please do not beat yourself up this way when there is a temporary set-back. Because there will always be set-backs, it is unavoidable, life will always be an excuse. You just need to jump back on the horse and keep trying your best.
I used to think that one day something would just 'snap' in me or something and I would just never have to struggle with weight ever again. But that's not the case. I have to struggle with all of it all the time, but I am definitely starting to win more now.
My mom, (I like to think of her as the sweetest, toughest cookie that ever was) once told me "we all got problems, so what matters more is how we solve them." Smart lady!

Oh, and please don't ever make yourself throw up like that again. That does way more harm than it's worth. You just accept the up-set, get back on your feet, and pick up the pieces. Good luck, please post back and let us know how you're feeling!

[Lori Bell]

Howdy Neighbor! I'm just a couple counties over! Nice to see another lady Husker on the board.

Hey, please, please PLEASE pick yourself up and dust yourself off. This wallowing in the pig pin talk is no good for you. Hopefully you're feeling better today and things are looking up.

Getting started is hard. SOmetimes it takes a dozed (or more) false starts to get going, but you can do it. There is no reason on this earth why you can not lose the weight. Oh, and please remember that you cannot purge away 100+ pounds. You'll kill yourself trying that weight-loss method....it's deadly.

[doingmybest]

BTW, Pink and Lori Bell:

My husband is originally from Omaha and graduated from U. of Nebraska at Lincoln.

In fact, his entire extended family is from Nebraska. So my favorite people in the whole world are Nebraskans!!!

[pink1gloss]

Hi everyone! I appreciate all the responses. I have to say yesterday was a pretty miserable day for me. But your all right, I need to accept I will have slip ups but not to punish myself for them. I guess it was just all in the moment sort of thing. Id never resort to being a bulimic to lose weight. I've been battling my weight for a long time and that has crossed my mind many times in the past but never would I resort to it for good. I guess I just felt like I wanted to get rid of it right then an now and that was the only way to do it. I vow never to do that again. It was stupid of me and the negative talk was pretty much the in the moment sort of thing to. I know I can do this, I just have to come to terms with I wont lose all the weight overnight. That its going to take me a while and take me a while to get use to my new lifestyle. Im definately not starving myself. Like I said Ive been using spark people and eating right. Its true I may need to be eating more protein to ward off being so hungry. Its always the worst at night. Thats why I try walking during the day and at night so I dont over indulge when the sun goes down. Ive learned from my experience last nigth and your responses to this, I truly do appreciate the support and help you all have given me. Ive picked myself up and dusted myself off today and Im ready to keep going and never to stick my finger down my throat again unless I may have some emergency and Im choking But thanks again. May God Bless You All.