I am so tired of thinking about my weight. How I look, and what others are thinking about me. I'm only slightly chunky (160 llbs, 5'4") but to me, I look and feel gross. Nobody else in my family is overweight now, just me, and Christmas is coming. They are all going to be looking at me and wondering how I let myself get this way. "She must be a pig or something."
It makes me so mad at myself when I KNOW I shouldn't eat so much, yet there I am, at the fridge. In time, I'm only going to get fatter and fatter. I love food. It's all I have to look forward to. That quick high. Is this what it's like to be on drugs? It sure feels like it at times, like I'm addicted to food, not drugs. Same effect, though. I'm hurting my body by eating so many calories and junk food. I know I have a problem when I see other people able to eat small amounts and I'm there stuffing my face with no intentions of stopping until that plate is completely slicked clean. Why? How do I stop? How can I convince myself that there will be other meals? I will eat tomorrow, food will be made available. And there is plenty of it. I know.
Heidi
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