Since August, I've lost around 93 pounds and I couldn't be prouder of myself for all I've accomplished.
I was an impulsive eater and would turn to food for comfort or just out of boredom and I ballooned my way up into the 260's. I was unhealthy, depressed, and just letting life pass me by because i was too obsessed with food to go out and do anything else. My mood would actually lift when I had a nice meal to look forward to. My entire outlook would brighten when me and dh would go out to eat. It's sad! I would be depressed about work, but when dh would say 'let's get something to eat' my job wouldn't seem so bad....
When I started my journey, it was different from the countless times before somehow. I actually stayed with it, flawlessly for 4 months til about x mas time and had lost a huge amount of weight. I thought that I had conquered my eating problem by simply replacing it with a new habit. I was wrong. Xmas eve I ended up bingeing on cookies, sweets, and CARBS. I felt a bit guilty, but I knew I would be going back on plan the next day. Xmas morning, we went to Ihop and I pigged out again. I ended up going on a 7 day binge, eating everything I couldn't before and feeling worse and worse about myself as I did it. The depression started creeping back into my head, work was harder to deal with, I only looked forward to the next meal. I snapped myself out of it and got back on plan for about a month. I went to the doctor about hip pain while running and got diagnosed with hip bursitis and am forbidden from running until it is healed and that threw me back in my funk.
I haven't been on plan or been to the gym in 4 days now.
I don't understand why I keep doing this to myself. I know that living to eat is a depressing and health-deteiorating way to go through life but I still find myself turning to food for comfort! I am so frustrated with the situation. The food isn't even that good! I don't throw my head back and close my eyes as Im chewing, thinking about how much I missed these foods. Not at all! I get the comfort from stuffing myself and the motion of eating eating eating. How crazy is that? It's not like my diet plan was so restricting that I was eating bland tasteless food or anything. I actually LIKE the foods I was eating. I didn't feel deprived, or like I was missing out.
My poor husband has noticed my funk and is trying to help the best way he knows how, which is to nag me about going to the gym and nagging me about getting out of the kitchen. Bless his heart for trying, but the more he nags the more I want to stuff myself. I don't know why, but i just get even more determined to eat! As I read this I can't believe how crazy I sound....
I guess it's a good thing that I realize that I use food as comfort, and that I'm going through a tough time with not being able to run and I've got self esteem issues because my husband looks up nude pics of celebrities that I will never look like no matter how much weight I lose. I just don't know where to go from there. I can identify what is causing the problem, just not how to fix it and get back on track.
I hope this all makes sense and doesn't just sound like the ramblings of a crazy person.
I can relate. I've lost the same 60 to 80 lbs three times. This time it's for good. I still have days when all I want to do is eat. Sometimes for days, It's just stuffing your face til it hurts. I have been getting so sick from doing it that I think I'm getting turned off by just the thought of making myself sick. I like the food I eat everyday( whole foods only) and am very satisfied with it. But still get those urges. Peanut butter is my weakness and f.f whipped cream( I can go through 2 cans a day!) Then you feel so depressed because of what you have done. Everyone gets in a funk now and then, you have to just remind yourself of how far you have come, do you want to start all over? I sure would'nt! It's not worth it, remember that. Snap out of it and continue your success! lots of luck, I wish you the best.
I am the same way! And if its crazy then put my name at the top of the list. I've lost a total of 100 lbs, just to put 40 of it back on because I can't get control of my binging. I find solice at the end of a bad day by ording a pizza and knocking it back with a case of beer or a bottle or two of wine. And the only time I ever manage to keep these binges under control is when I'm on anti depressants that make me feel worse mentally, yet someone make me not eat. I don't know what worse, eating myself to death, or starving a wanting to hack my veins open with sharp objects.
The one thing I can say though, is at least you realize this is a problem for you. Now, you need to find a way to recognize the pattern before you start eating, and subsitute something else (maybe sex, I'm sure your hubby would not mind if you became a sex addict instead of a food addict...lol!). I'm working on replacing food with something else, I just ahve not found that thing that makes me as happy as pizza and beer. Good luck.
I can definitely relate. I know exactly what you mean…I remember how much I looked forward to food, how much I enjoyed picking which fast food restaurant I would hit, how I would fantasize about each greasy morsel. It definitely would lift my mood when I was having a bad day.
I’ve been binging a lot lately myself. Granted, my binges are nothing compared to what they used to be, but I find myself slipping up a lot lately…especially at night after I’ve eaten on plan ALL day and worked out…how stupid is that? And I binge on dumb things…gummies and beef jerky and cheese…
It’s so easy for one slip up to turn into a whole day and then a week of binging. Please know that you are not alone. Really, I’ve gone months on one binge!! It’s so easy to backslide…and the voices in your head: It’s okay, you’ve been doing well, you won’t gain THAT much, just start over tomorrow, no sense trying to get on track in the middle of the day!
You can get back on track…I believe it. And I hope you can find that motivation and start feeling better about yourself.
I hope this all makes sense and doesn't just sound like the ramblings of a crazy person.
Can anyone help? Or at least relate?
I can relate. It's been the same for me for years. I used to be at 260, now i'm so close to being 190. But for the past 2 years i've been bouncing between 185 and 215. 30lbs is a HUGE difference. and it's all 'cos of my binge eating then getting "back on track".
The worst of it is, I know that if i hadn't had all those binges i'd already be safely at my target weight (140lbs) and be happily maintaining.
I have to constantly remind myself that i am not on a diet, that i'm changing my lifestyle. But how do you stop that little voice in your head that tells you to eat anything and everything you can see because you feel bad, or 'cos things just got complicated.
I've done it today, I'm so close to being out of the 190s. But i'm in LA on a short break and i have not been following my plan. Today i went looking for a chinese take-out, like determined looking. I knew that when i got back i would not be able to eat chinese so now was my "off time". And after the chinese i bought a big bag of candy, telling myself i'll share it. but i havn't, it's nearly finished. I feel sick and my stomach feels bloated and i feel like i look disgusting, i feel like i did when i was 260lbs. All I want to do is get in the shower and wash this dirty feeling off me, then i want to curl up in bed and hide from all the food which is causing me misery. i may as well have not come to LA, 'cos now i'm too afraid to leave my hotel room.
Ha, if you sound like a crazy person i'd hate to think what i sound like!
I have a problem with binge eating too. I thought I had kicked it for about 45 days, but then, it happened again. The difference now is that I do it for a few days (2 or 3 usually) and then, I try to just get back on track. I notice that if I can get myself back on track before the fourth day of horror (I don't enjoy it at all either) then I do one week of amazing eating and then, I am able to get back to where I was and maybe even a little bit less. The problem is....how to get back on track sooner than later? I end up playing a mind game with myself. I tell myself that I must have one good day. No matter how little I slept, no matter what is going on, I calorie count (which is what I do anyway) and am perfect that one day. Then, I need to have another good day and another and another, until they add up to me feeling back on track. So, the actions are what lead my mind to follow...not the other way around. I've come to accept the binge eating as part of my life (for now at least). I have not been able to stop this horrible behavior and addiction to food. However, I have found a way (for now) to deal with it in as a constructive way as possible.
Regarding your hubby looking at sexy photos online....I can understand your pain and frustration. How many people will ever look like that? Heck, even the celebrities don't look like that! They air brush the heck out of the photos and those celebrities probably do detox diets and surgeries to get to be that perfect. However, most of us don't. So, what are we to do? Sure it would be nice if our hubbies didn't appreciate that sort of thing, but most of the do....probably most of them don't have wives that know about it. I think you just need to know that your hubby loves you and that those images are just fun for him to look at. I used to get VERY upset with my husband for looking at photos or even looking at a woman walking by, but now, I will appreciate that woman too and join him in complementing her appearance! I never thought I could do that, but now I do. I also make sure to let him know which men I find good looking too.....not in a revenge sort of way at all, but more in a we can appreciate a good looking human, just like we can appreciate a funny one or an intelligent one, or a hard working one...etc. So beauty is not the most wonderful thing to desire...it could be anything, but just happens to be something...not everything. Hope I'm making sense!
I hope you find a way to get back on track. Remember, you can't undo months and months of effort in a few short weeks...just look at all you have accomplished and pretend like you're starting over tomorrow, only at a MUCH lower weight!
Thank you all for your encouraging words! It is so good to know that I am not alone in this. I certainly do not want to start all over so I'd better get my butt in gear! and replacing food with sex has crossed my mind a few times already hehehe I gotta find something I can do when I feel the urge to binge. It's tough not to beat myself up when I get off track.
Lucky- you are absolutely right about even the celebrities not looking like that in real life! So in reality, it's not even a 'real' person he is looking at. Just fantasy. That does make me feel better. I do hope to one day be comfortable with appreciating people together like you and your hubby. Thank you for the advice.
I'm going to be going to physical therapy for my hip pretty soon so hopefully I will be able to get back to running and maybe that will lift my spirits.
I was having issues tonight with wanting to fall back into old habits. I wanted cake, cookies, anything sweet. But I knew I only wanted it because my fiance was out for the night and in the past that was when I would binge, when I was alone, especially after a long week of work.
Instead of bingeing, I posted on here, did some housework, posted on here somemore, ate an orange, drank some water, and posted on here somemore.
Somehow, I made it through the evening. I still want the cake and cookies, but now I mentally have a better grasp on my feelings.
You are not crazy. We all just have issues that we are dealing with. Some days are harder than others. All you can do is your best for today. Good luck to you and everybody else in the same boat.
I thought my addictions to sweets and binge eating were cured too.... but they're not. I don't know if it can be called a cure. Does an alcoholic ever get cured? I lost 75lbs with occasional binges and my goal in addition to losing weight is getting a healthy relationship with food. ..... sighs....
but we wiill find a way... we need to strategize and figure out what needs to be done.
That's it...no more putting it off. I am back on plan today! I will NOT eat those cookies at work. I will NOT come home and raid the cupboard. I will NOT stuff myself silly. I can do this!
I've got me some issues....
hehehe I gotta find something I can do when I feel the urge to binge. It's tough not to beat myself up when I get off track. 
