[crustygirl]

Kazeem you go for gold - I wish you luck!

I have the prospect of a massive seafood buffet this Sat and I will try my hardest not to inhale the whole table....I've promised myself a reward if I don't I'm going to get some highlights in my hair...

I'll keep you posted!

Take care all


Belle

[HeidiL]

Hi everybody,

I'm not new to 3fc, but new to my realisation that I have an eating disorder. I thought it was my self control, but no, it's my head. Once I even think of dieting, I binge. So now I don't diet. It's that simple. It's like a weight has been lifted from off my shoulders.

A little info about me. I'm 31, married with 2 small children, 5 and 2, and a full time 4th grade teacher. My life is full. My house is a mess. My husband is never satisfied. And the kids (here and at school) never seem to get all the attention from me they need. I'm about to go nuts. I realized something had to go, so I threw my diet and self loathing out the window. And you know what? I do feel better. Even though in my mind I know I can eat whatever I want, it still choses the most convenient things to eat. I drink slim-fast for breakfast and lunch. I actually like it! I still get hungry, so I eat small bags of snacks in my classroom throughout the day just to take the edge off. I'm too busy to have anything more. I do come home and eat more than I should (a.k.a stress eating), but it's ok. Also to help with the stress, I like (key word, have to enjoy it to stick with it) LIKE to walk at night with my mother. We walk about 3 miles, when we can get out, and I can get hubby to watch the kids. I was really surprised the other day, but my daughter's babysitter commented that I look skinner in the face. (I weigh about 165ish). It surprised me because even though I haven't been obsessing about eating, I have eaten somewhat less (because of work, school just came back 3 weeks ago), and I just automatically lost a few pounds. Me. The one who diets and gains 5 pounds. Me.

I just wanted to introduce myself and to tell you I'm here, and I'm happier. And I'm never going to go on another diet again.

Heidi
Did you happen to see the lightbulb turn on, the one that's hovering over my head?

[crustygirl]

Hi All!

Heidi, hi and I'm right there with you in chucking that self loathing, fear and diet obsession right out the window. Not to mention the anger that you self direct every time you do slip off the rails. I am coming to accept that probably no amount of counselling will ever make this problem completely disappear, it will always be my weak spot. Thats ok though as long as I realise that I can still stay on track most of the time and I will be fine. I will always have stresses of varying levels in my life and mostly I will be able to cope without binge eating.

As long as the good days are the majority, I win.

Take care all

Belle

[notenoughpie]

Hi All:

I am a newbie

I just wanted to give my support to you. I too am a binge eater - I just can't eat one of something. It's like my mind takes over and says "oh well just eat the rest you screwed up already" After a while, I don't event taste anything.

I never said this or wrote this to anyone before. It feels like a step in the right direction to tell it to others.

Take care all

[HeidiL]

Hello everyone,

I feel so in control lately. No more diets for me! Maybe some people can lose weight on them, but for those like me, it's actually a step in the WRONG direction. I feel like I'M in control, not the diet for the day. What was I thinking all those years? Free at last, free at last,....

Heidi

[crustygirl]

Often the hardest person to admit your problems to is yourself. Others (those without seeing eye dogs) have been able to see for a long time now that you are fat, and would have to know that the obvious reason for this would be you eat too much. They see you eat normally in front of them, and although for most of them this thought would not even cross their minds, for some, the obvious answer has to be - she eats a lot in secret.

Except what kind of secret is it when I'm in my cossies at the beach and fat flows like the tide, how secret is it when I can't do up my pants or when I sit down and the ever so attractive 'second stomach' appears under my large breasts and almost dwarfs them?

I have pretty much accepted who I am and it has taken me my full 34 years to do it. That doesn't mean I don't want to improve for myself, my health, my children (like to see them grow up just a tad) and the ever selfish improving my body to fit smaller clothes sizes and look better. Sometimes selfish is good, and you need to put yourself first.

So many of our problems stem from the fact that as women and in my case especially as mothers we put ourselves last. Our feelings needs and wants. Until we binge as some kind of sick reward and then we put ourselves first in a bad way, we get to eat whatever and how much we want until it's all gone and we don't have to share. We do it in secret because we are embarrased by how much we eat and also too I think because we don't want to share any, with anyone.

I now make a point of opening any nice stuff, choc or crisps etc, in front of my boys and husband so we can all share. I share 1/2 desserts in restaurants too when I used to eat the whole thing.

But on the flipside, I make my kids and husband put away their mess (I am NOT the maid), help with chores and meals, and make them more responsible for the home we share. When I don't feel so taken for granted and stressed I tend to pretty much stop binging.

The ability to live with this problem is in OUR hands

GO for IT!!!

Belle

P.S. Here endeth the lesson. Sometimes you gotta let it out!

[hottieintraining]

I've been lurking here a bit (on the forum) and I ran across this thread today. I can't believe how much all of you sound like me!!! I have actually gotten worse or better...however you think of it

I have restricted, binged, taken pills and/or laxitives...you name it. Then I would be fine, then start binging again. I just started taking diet pills again, which I was determined to stop after I passed out at the end of a 7-mile race this summer. I stopped a whole week. I don't think I can do it without. And actually, I can. I went from about 155-160 lbs. to 130 two years ago and have since lost about 5-7 more and maintained over a year. Yet I feel like I need to not eat. Like I need to lose another 5 lbs. People think I'm crazy...my bf especially, but I really just want to feel good about me. I want to stop this stupid binging that makes me restrict and overexercise and feel bad all over again.

Anyway, thanks for listening....I'm going to be visiting here a lot now that I've found you all!

Thanks again! Cate

[crustygirl]

Glad you posted Cate. I have to say I had been seriously thinking about some kind of pill therapy just to stop my appetite and help me with the food war. Then I sat down with my sister (she's a social worker) and she asked me some questions that helped me see it really wasn't going to be the solution long term.

The biggest of these things being I binged my pants off when I had no appetite at all, so how would something that chemically took away my appetite help me?

Managing stress levels and trying somehow(beg, borrow, threaten with large axe) to find some headspace for myself works much better for me most of the time - but we need not to beat ourselves up over and over when we mess up one time....or go a bit mental on the takeaway 'cause we have pms and hate everyone.

It's OK for us to be human every so often!

Take care all

Belle

[CreativeDame]

I have not binged in a few weeks. Ever since I started WW. The binging is normally caused by NOT being in control in the first place, so with WW I can plan my meals for the day and eat every hour or two and so when I come home from work at night, I know I'm incontrol and I tell myself I'm not hungry or needy and I know it. I'm really surprised.

I have done a good job of not keeping trigger foods in the house. For me, those are things like low fat twinkies or other types of cookies or cakes. I just don't do it. I am sure I'll binge again, but not as long as I can help it. I am not planning on it. Normally, if I just have fruit and veggies in my fridge, I am not tempted to binge...only on sweets or cookies, cakes, chocolate, things like that.

Just say no LOL.

CD

[xYTx]

Hi all I am new to this topic, but not to 3FC. I posted a (too) long reply to the Poll above about the cause of your ED, and now my fingers hurt, so I think this one will be a little brief.

I have been reading the replies to this thread, and you all sound just like me. I've done the binge eating thing ever since I can remember. I horded food as an adolescent, consumed food until I threw up, etc...

I began treating my depression last Spring, and since then I have experienced the only success ever for me. I have lost 37 lbs. I still binge, but not to the degree I did.

However, I slip up sometimes when I am not super-busy. That is the way I keep myself from consuming all the food in the house. When I get home from work/school at night, I am too exhausted to eat everything. Plus, I have begged my BF (and he has done so) not to bring snacks into the house. I am trying to look at food as simply fuel for my body, and not something that gives pleasure. This is not to say a great meal shouldn't be enjoyable, but that they should be few and far between if I am to learn not to reward/medicate myself with food.

3FC has been so helpful with my weightloss, and I am hoping it can help me control my binges too. They are standing between me and success.

And to Belle: I love your posts You have such a sharp wit. I find myself laughing out loud sometimes. I believe that you will succeed because you have mastered keeping your sense of humor around even during hard times.

I hope to check in here frequently, especially when I'm feeling weak. You are all inspirational.

[Kylie68]

Hi there,
Wow it is nice to find somewhere online that I can talk to ppl that understand my frustration with bingeing! I am now 33 and 3/4's. Yes, I'm proud! I got pregnant my senior year in high school, graduating 5 months along. My parents both had food issues, but kept it hidden well. I was about a size 14, but all my friends were tiny things. Needless to say, having a baby really changed my body and I was not prepared for this at such a young age. For the first time I went on a real diet and had success....too much success. I became addicted to shrinking. I'm 5'8" and ended up in a size 3 dress. I couldn't stop. I was only eating an apple a day and afraid to even drink a diet coke or chew a piece of sugarless gum. Someone mentioned that I may have a problem and I was diagnosed with anorexia. Unfortunately, it didn't stop there. I started bingeing on things like lettuce to start with and gradually moved up to much higher fat foods in much greater quantities. I was purging thru exercise and laxatives. Sometimes 40 pills after a binge. Eventually I got help, but only after I put on the weight I lost plus much more. Since then I have lost weight and gained it back so many times I can't even count. Then I became more at ease with being fat. Just a word really. I was a size 18 and most ppl told me that I carried my weight well. Since I've been on WW's it has been a little easier, but I still find myself dreaming about food. Not because I deny myself so much, but because there is so much focus on food. Now at almost 34 I have fibromyalgia am on disability and since I don't have health insurance other than medicare I can't go on anti depressants. I find myself bingeing about once a week either out of stress, pain, depression, or weakness. Really any excuse I guess. I hate that I can't seem to deal with food in a normal way and I that my daughter has had to deal with my struggle as well. Anyway.......sorry for the long post. I just wanted to share my story and remind all of you that suffer from any kind of binge eating disorder that we are fighting the same battle. Good luck to you all and thank you for listening.

[crustygirl]

Kylie, seriously, I feel your pain.

I have never had a healthy or 'normal' relationship with food. I remember being about 14 (when you start to really notice your changing body) and having my father tell me I was fat. I hve looked back on photos of me at 14/15 and I had a lovely size 12 figure with big breasts and great hips. I don't really know if my fathers obsession with perfection or his own insecurity at my growing up but needless to say I developed the attitude, 'I'm already gross and fat why not eat?.'

I now have three boys of my own, the oldest of whom will be solid like my Dad, is almost 5'6" at 12 and is developing into a very handsome man. Most of his friends at school in year 6 haven't started to develop yet and are little runty weedy things, who tease my son that he is obese (he is actually smack bang in the middle of the weight/height graph for weight watchers). He is so hurt and when I see the same look in his eyes that I had I just want to beat those little ratbags into a pulp. I can see him believing them, even though they are talking crap, and he is an easy target as he takes in all that is said.

I am trying to show him though what a healthy relationship with food looks like. That means I really need to be a normal weight and work hard at getting this extra weight off. Easier said than done when you have a stressful day and no sleep and the sour cream and chives chips call with their siren song...but I want him to grow up without the dramas I now connect with food.

For me, it is now a bad habit, one that only I can break. It doesn't even matter now why I started, only working on stopping.

Thanks for posting, you helped me remember why I started posting here in the first place.

Take care all

Belle

[Akkronic]

First of all, please tell me if you don't understand something I say, I'm French and I will probably make many mistakes.

Belle, I wanted to tell you: please don't let such a pressure on your shoulders. I think your son can understand this if you take your time explaining him that he's just a getting a man earlier than his pals. If ever you could show him older boys, looking like him, don't you think it may help?

Oh, and my addiction is nothing in particular, I just eat anything savoury, sweet, sour, bitter, even mixed together, as I feel a panic... then I feel panic because I ate too much, and so on till I really feel sick... sometimes it doesn't stop me.

[crustygirl]

Sorry about my rant about my son, but somedays these things really bother you and others they fade into the background of your life. Thanks for the support Akkronic.

I always support all my boys and have made a special effort to be supportive of them, to praise the men they are becoming and who they are as individuals, and for them to be accepting of both themselves and others. We don't want a world peopled with scary cookie cutter people who are all a size 8 and never have a flaw...not that there's anything wrong with that!

On the food front, I went to a spring fair, and survived, despite the many bbq's and stalls with homemade goodies....I just don't know how but I came home and ate some low fat noodles and vegies and was very proud of myself.

So hooray for overcoming temptation!

Take care all

Belle

[denisepj]

Hello, my name is Denise and I live in Oklahoma. I am so depressed about myself that it is getting to point of not wanting to so much as look in the mirror! I know that I need help but I dont know how to get it! I think that I am defintely obsessed with food and I cant help it, I fix big portions knowing full well that I should think twice but something else takes over and I loose control, Please can someone help me out here. I am becoming more and more unattractive, and I dont want that I want to be back to they way I looked when I was 13, where did tjat go? Feel free to email me at [email protected]. I look forward to hearing from someone who knows what this is like and maybe find a "bubby" to work with this together. I just turned 27, my ten year class reunion is coming up here in 2004 and I would love to go back to say "TADAAA" here's to all of the cruel people who made fun of me. Take care all!

Denise P.