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feeling lost...and sick

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Old 07-29-2009, 11:49 PM   #1
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Uhg here we go again...

I binged tonight, nothing new. Ate so much I successfully made myself sick. I dont know what to do anymore. I was doing the best I did in a while and lost my first 5 lbs. You think i'd be excited and more committed than ever. Wrong--I binged. not once, but twice so far. I keep telling myself--this is it- the last binge. Ive told myself that probably 20 times already. I dont know why I do it. And even as I'm grabbing the food my body is saying "No! dont do it" but I feel like my hearing goes when it says that, like Im a robot with no thought just moving through the motions of eating disgustingly amounts of food. ive ate myself sick, cried myself numb. I dont know whats left to do. I want to say "dont give up keep going" but every time, EVERY TIME Ive tried to change my eating habits it always ends in a binge. I cant even lay on my stomach like I usually do because I've eaten so much. I've dealt with this by myself and nothings changed. I want to cry and swear and just die on my floor. But then I thought maybe talking to some other girls might help...because I just dont know what to do anymore. I know however, if i keep doing this Im really going to damage myself. Eating healthy isnt that complex. i want to be healthy, i want to be fit, and I want to have control of what I eat. then why cant i? Ladies, I would appreciate anything you have to say.
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Old 07-30-2009, 12:32 AM   #2
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Emma--you aren't alone. My bet is that almost every single 3FC member has binged at one time or another. Weight loss is a struggle. The important thing is not letting this binge keep you from getting right back in the saddle tomorrow. What's done is done, so you have to move forward. Don't give up!

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Old 07-30-2009, 12:38 AM   #3
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You are definitely not alone sweety. Reach out to us here when you feel like this . . . it really does help.

Do you know what set you off today?
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Old 07-30-2009, 02:16 AM   #4
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I know how you feel i been there many of times! DONT give up you worked hard to get thos 5lbs off try for 5 more and keep going from there! it will get better i promise!
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Old 07-30-2009, 07:30 AM   #5
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I am sorry you have to deal with this! **HUGS** As someone asked, do you k now what set you off? Maybe pinpointing that will help us figure out how to prevent the next possible binge.

This journey isn't easy, that's for sure! You aren't alone in being frustrated (trust me) but please don't give up. It will get better! It has to!
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Old 07-30-2009, 07:45 AM   #6
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Almost all forms of self-help require documenting and analysing your behaviour in order to change it. I'm undergoing cognitive behavioural therapy for OCD. When I have an obsessive thought I have to record what (if anything) triggered it, what the thought was, how it made me feel, how it made me behave, and what other, more rational ways there are of looking at the situation. Then I have to re-rate the intensity of the original emotions and record any new ones, and decide what to do next. When my therapist first gave me these forms to fill in I was like come on, I'm not in primary school (in my head). This will take for ever and be pointless. But I decided to give it a go. Yes its time consuming and painful but honestly, its the best way to get a handle on your irrational ideas and emotions.
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Old 07-30-2009, 09:13 AM   #7
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thats what you should be writing: (literally, write it 10 times if you need to)

Binged and not letting it get to me!
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Old 07-30-2009, 09:30 AM   #8
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thanks ladies. well my day started off good. i had oatmeal, blueberries, and cottage cheese for breakfast. my mom and i were going to pilates class later in the evening. right before class there was some cookie crisp-i know gross- but it looked so good and i was saying "no dont eat that" but even though i was saying that somehow i had a bowl of cereal. it was good up until i felt guilty about it. then after pilates i orded from a mexican restaurant- a little more than my stomach could fit. and an hour later, even when i was not hungry whatso ever i had more cookie crisp. then my stomach really hurt. So i guess what started it was as soon as i eat a "no" food. but i think i emotionally eat too. i mean im 20, im young, i should be looking good and having a good time. but instead im at home making myself sick.
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Old 07-30-2009, 09:34 AM   #9
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I think that is the key . . . when you have something that is in your mind "naughty" it sets you off and makes you feel "stuff this, I've already messed up my perfect day so I may as well keep on eating".

Are you eating enough during the day or planning for enough foods that you really truly enjoy? I am wondering if you did whether that may help?

Last edited by Madison : 07-30-2009 at 09:35 AM.
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Old 07-30-2009, 05:05 PM   #10
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Yea I try to plan everyday beforehand. id say i eat between 1200-1400 a day (if i didnt binge). i do like the foods, i definatley try to stay away from processed foods. And I only eat wheat (bread, noodles, etc.) and actually i dont like white to begin with, i think wheat has a better taste. Then just lots of fruit, veggies, and a lot of protein. I like milk a lot too. I think that what does set me off. Its just so confusing. When I eat healthy-i feel great. But as soon as I even eat one bite of something i shouldnt, I dont feel so great. Then im asking myself, why did i continue to eat more? and why do i even want this food? if healthy food=feel good and no foods=feel like dung, then why why why do i still crave and think about these bad foods? its so frustrating that i dont have an answer to this, and even more that i cant stop it. I feel like im a liar to myself. I say were going to do this. and then fail. It has to be over hundreds of times and Im almost not starting to believe myself.
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