Nicki - hope you had a great rest of your day! Some days it really just is an hour by hour thing, and others it all seems so 'easy'.
Oh
ebb I m so sorry to hear about the troubles you are going through with your kiddles
Not having children I wont say that I understand how you feel . . . . I can only
imagine how hard it is for you to want to take away all their pain and frustration, my heart is aching just thinking of what you and yoru family must be going through. If its not too intrusive, what do the doctors need to do? Or is it best sorted through diet-related means?
The only thing I can say around the need to eat or purge (and really when something is this heart renching I can understand why these feelings would surface) . . . is to think about the fact that you need to be at your best at the moment for those beautiful kids. You do not have to be "perfect" at the moment, but if you are in a food haze it will take you from being present. You are doing so great considering all that is going on.
And you may be feeling crappy at the moment despite the eats going well bcos you are not using food to mask your feelings . . . hugs to you sweety, x
Emily - well done on the inches lost baby!!! Woot!!!
Mere - great going on reigning in the demons AND posting about it here.
You know what I was thinking . . . that when I was 268lbs all it was was about LOSING the weight. I had a single minded focus to just.get.it.off.
I am by no means a small girl at the moment but what I have seen in the past year or so (the year of the relapse and re-gain) is confirmed by reading posts here . . . that its all of
this stuff that needs to be sorted out. How we handle our life. And its all about perspective. When I was the weight I am now on the way down I was SOOOOOOOOOOO happy and thought I was hot stuff. On the way up it didnt feel so good. I found some old journals from 2005 and I was both saddened and happy to read them. Sad bcos I have given up so much of my life with a focus on food but happy bcos I saw that if I got out of the negative tail spin then that I will do it again . . . and am in fact doing it again
Tonight I have a 50th bday party for my sister in law's aunt - she is so sweet - only problem is it will be South American food (& pastries . . . churrrrrrros anyone?) ahoy!
If I can just eat normally at the party and without judgement (I dont think I will stick to my low carbin' ways 100% at this party) then that will be a good night.
My past patterns have been that I go out to eat, or go to a party, dont have ANYTHING off plan then feel so deprived that I come home and start the pantry dance . . . ohhhhhhhh do I want some of this . . . ohhhhhhhh do I want some of that.
So. The plan is that I will be off plan FOR TONIGHT ONLY (the rest of the day I am eating like I normally do). But that I will eat to satisfy hunger. I will try the pastries but not inhale 65 different sweets. And tomorrow I will just get back on my plan
OK. So thats the plan . . .
I am so freaking angry right now that I really feel like throwing something. If she were here, I swear to god I would slap her across the face! And it's not even that I really give a crap about her posting all this crap, or that people will believe it or whatever--we don't have any shared friends (namely because, uh, I HAVE them, and she doesn't!), so I highly doubt that anyone I know will even see it... She literally has no social life outside of her deadbeat boyfriend and a few friends left from high school who she seems to love one day and hate the next, so she has like no connections to anyone who actually attends our school, let alone anyone who's actually in my circle... And even if someone I know did see it, I'm sure they'd realize that she's full of crap. But still, this is pissing me off SO much. I mean, I not possibly care less what deatbeat-boyfriend and intermittent-high-school-friends think of me, but how DARE she?! I was *such* a good roommate and put up with soooo much of her crap, and she's really going to try to twist it around and make it sound like living with ME was hard? Grrrrrrrrr. 
I'm just sitting here with my jaw clenched, and the urge to binge is SO effing strong right now. Like, I really don't think I'll be able to resist. I was hoping that it would help I came here to vent about the stupid beyotch instead of reaching for the box of Nilla wafers in the kitchen... But I'm not so sure if it's working. K, I think I need to get out of the house before something bad happens. I'll be back later!
Mini-goal #2: 223 REACHED 9/29/08! 
I am having a really, really hard time getting back on track. But I know I can do it. I have done it. I will do it! 
Thank for the encouragement 
