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The worst and most humiliating day of my life..

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Old 06-17-2009, 04:30 PM   #1
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Unhappy The worst and most humiliating day of my life..

hello everyone!!

I'm officially new on this forum(officially cuz i've been there for month but never posted anything).To introduce myself quickly, im French so, sorry if the writing isnt so good,im 19 im in lawschool in Paris and i have had ed for about 4 years it started with anorexia for 2years and now it's bulimia and especially overeating,binging(purging very little).

I've never posted on any forums though i do visit a lot of forums about weight ed and stuff but everytime i could find a story similar to mine and i just watched the answer of this thread.
Today i really needed to rant a bit.I apparently don't have anything to complain in life for beside my Ed.Frm the outside everything seems good lt of friend,great family,pretty good at school...yeah right.Except that i live in what i call a "gold prison" ,none of my friend know about my ed and the only person in the world who knew was my mother and therapist i've been suffering for years and although it was obvious during anorexia that i was ill i pretended i went to the hospital for an another reason and so on..
Anyway my mom who was very supportive at first can't stand the situation anymore and she told my father few month ago that i was bulimic i've put on 35 pounds and eveyone pretend they don't see it...
there are ups and downs which can last weeks right now i've been binging straight for a week and my mom and I were arguing about that tonight when my father came home and he almost insulted me telling me i was disgusting, that i had mental illlness and so on..and why the **** am i not perfect like my two other sister and my bro who are.WTF.My parents are the ppl i love the most in the world but lately i dnt feel the same..how can they not understand i didnt choose to be sick..i feel so betrayed.AS i was crying in my bedroom my dad asked me to come down to see something on the tv about anorexia and bulimia(yeah cuz i dnt already spend my life watching everything about it..!)
They forced me to watch the documentary and my dad was like ok its over you're going to eat dinner with us everynight and eat between meals and stuff..AND he wants to cancel my trip to the US this summer(i go almost every yr in cali to see friend who live there).Instead he wants me to go in psychiatrich hospital the whole month of august.WTF WTF
HELP ME what TO DO??!

PS:Im so sry this was so long and thank you so much if you took the time to read.
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Old 06-17-2009, 04:46 PM   #2
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while I have no experience with an ED so I don't know if going into hospital is the answer for your situation. I do know that you can't "force" a person with an ED to just eat like "normal" people and that it takes time to re-learn how to be "normal" again - usually having an ED stems from something completely psychological and not only about weight or food.

it may be of interest to you to check out something-fishy.com (.org? I'm not sure) and crazyboards.org (for psych and ED problems) for additional resources and help. And, one thing is for sure, this will not just solve itself; if you want to get better and recover from this, you may need to make the sacrifice of skipping your trip and really going in for some treatment.

that's probably not completely what you want to hear, but recovery from anything and getting better means making sacrifices of your "old" life.

best of luck to you!
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Old 06-17-2009, 05:00 PM   #3
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thank you for your answer Velveteen and while i totally hear you about pb with food being linked with psy pb,i know i might seem a bit overboard in my post though i am very aware and conscious of my problems with food.the problem is that in France,ED,binging..are totally taboo subject and no one really speak up about it,i know the difference cuz i know very well other countries where it is less taboo(still..).The thing is that my dad know nothing about binging pb and everyone in my family eat healthy and are thin and to me the PROBLEM is not being like them make me mentally ill,and i find that outrageous.And as for somthingfishy i know this site and yes it's very good i'll check the other one,thx again!
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Old 06-17-2009, 05:04 PM   #4
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I doubt if 3FC can help you. You need a forum that deals with bulimia. You should be able to find one by googling in bulimia. It souinds like you really want help, but I think you need professional help and we are not medical people here .
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Old 06-17-2009, 05:09 PM   #5
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don't confuse needing help with something with being mentally ill. your father might be under that impression now but he also needs help on the side to understand you better. that's why I think if you go to a more specific forum, you might get a more helpful view on how to move forward towards recovery.

it's really hard and it's going to feel like they don't understand you or that they are mis-judging you, but it's up to YOU to get this thing under control. That was my point about maybe skipping your US trip, to actually seek help (whether it be in hospital or something else).

I know how it goes in Europe, trust me, we in NL don't talk about this stuff much either and it's still quite the taboo subject!
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Old 06-17-2009, 05:29 PM   #6
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Speaking as someone who has seen a friend go through this I am guessing your father is just shocked and didn't know how to react- i'm not saying what he did was right to yell at you and upset you. But I'd strongly suggest counseling for the whole family as well as yourself so they can understand what you are going through.

Maybe cancelling the trip is a good thing- I think you should worry most about your health and maybe speak to your mother and tell her that the way your father spoke to you did nothing but hurt you- that it didn't help in any way and just makes you feel worse- like you said- you didn't choose to be this way.
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Old 06-17-2009, 06:25 PM   #7
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parisanoia,
first of all you have come to the right place for this, many people here suffer eating disorders and the people in this forum understand what you are going through. if nothing else, 'chicks in control' has helped me realize i am not the only person, that ed's are widespread.

second, understand that your parents are concerned and that they are trying to help. they might not know the best way to help you, but one thing is certain, and that is that you need help.

So you might not like the way your mom and dad are handling it, and if that is the case do it your way. find a counselor that deals with ed's and let your parents know what you are doing , then they may back off and let you go on that trip.
and if they keep you from the trip so that you can get over this disease, you are only 19 and trust me, when you look back you will be thankful that your parents cared so much.
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Old 06-17-2009, 06:50 PM   #8
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The website you need - and recommended by the MODs in here is http://www.something-fishy.org/ . Give it a try! Also do check out our "Chicks in Control" forum.
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Old 06-17-2009, 06:51 PM   #9
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Bless your heart. You sound so fearful and lost. I know you feel betrayed but like the other poster said, try to be thankful they care enough to notice and have any kind of reaction, I've heard of parents who say "And? So what? Deal with it." And offer no support. Awful, I know.

Don't let this thing drag you down. I want you to understand that this can be cured. Where you seek help for it is up to you.

Try your very best to listen with open ears to what the people in your life are saying (although I KNOW this is hard, listening was for me when I was young, about any subject. LOL). Also, the more they read up on this, because they will, the more they will understand it is something that you will need a type of therapy to help with it and that you can't just snap out of it.

Now, imagine you are way up high in the sky. You look down and see yourself there, small, alone, in fear, hurting, doing all the things you do, see the pain in her face and the anguish she goes thru every day. Wouldn't you want to help her? Even if that meant disappointing her by her needing to miss a trip just this one year. Wouldn't you seek out a place to provide the help and do whatever it took to get her to go there, even though you know she may end up mad at you at first? That's what parents do. They freak out because it scares them. Then they start devising a plan to help you with whatever you are suffering from. (Well, good parents do, average parents do, but there are some jerks who won't care.) Please take their help. At least consider it and look into the place they want you to go. See what is said about it, is it a good place with a good reputation?? Maybe its just what you need.

Good luck to you hun. I know things will work out. Breathe deeply and let yourself be taken care of at this time. It's hard to let others have some control but at times, it's what may be needed.

Big hugs, Selina
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