[Julietta]

I've always been quite an athletic child and teenager, healthy and thin.
Then, when I was 16, I started to get obssessed with my weight, with no reason at all... you know how these things go, all your friends are talking about weight and diets, you are too young to understand and esteem your own body, and complain you'd like to loose "just a couple of kilos" and you'd be perfect... But then, it began my awful dieting trip.
I became obssessed with food, unsatisfied with my body, nervous and nevrotic... with no control, I started binging. I know this sounds weird, but when I decided to lose weight (and I didn't need it) I started to gain it, because I was SO much thinking about food and dieting, I became obssessed with it. I also started that process: "tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow....." which actually led me in gaining kilos. So I gained more than 10 kilos, one time I even peaked at +16.
Somehow I still think I was kind of "lucky", because an "average" person would have gained much more, eating as I did for YEARS. Maybe what (partially) saved me was my sport activity, I was part of a serious volleyball team and did also some other activites (and I was doing them "naturally", just for fun, not with a "lose-weight-goal").

Now I am 26.
As you can see from my ticket, I'm quite in a great shape.
I have to say it has been a long journey, an everyday battle.
Because I have no problem in dieting. I have trouble in mantaining it, or let's say in not-binging. And I have still a lot of trouble about "food-thinking". This last issue has become very strong lately, so I decided to came here to find some kind of "inspiration"... even if it sounds absurd that I visit a diet-support website to find a way not to be obsessed with food.
I hate being so obssessed. I don't think I'm normal.
And I also binged this weekend. I mean, yesterday night and today's lunch.
Now I'm trying to calm myself down reading your posts. Because I so fear I will start my binge again and againg.

And I don't think this is the life that I want.
Okay I'm almost thin, and I'm very happy about it. Superhappy. I've never been so "thin" since I was 15, exactly before I started this awful journey.
But I dont' find it "healthy" to think about food and dieting all-day-long. To check my guts in front of the mirror (how often do you do that? if you do that), to check my weight even twice a day.

Somehow I would like to throw e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g away from me.
My scale, my mirros, my tape measure... and to kick my *** everytime I think about food or dieting. But still, at this very moment, the fear of getting "chubby" or a binging lady is stronger than ever and than every good purpose.

I hope one day to get over all of it. I hope SOON, it's been 10 years now.

[tommy]

Julietta- you may want to check out the Maintainers forum here on 3FC. There are lots of women maintaining weight loss and they may be able to help you find that mental balance. It appears they all have to be really vigilant, but they are leading full and happy lives. Check it out and good luck!

[Julietta]

Thank you Tommy, I will check it out!

Anyway, as I read in different threads, I'm trying to learn how to let the binge behind my shoulders and move on!
After all, today is another day, uh!?

And yesterday I felt so better after I wrote on the forum... it was a good medicine

[Melly83]

Originally Posted by Julietta

Somehow I would like to throw e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g away from me.
My scale, my mirros, my tape measure... and to kick my *** everytime I think about food or dieting. But still, at this very moment, the fear of getting "chubby" or a binging lady is stronger than ever and than every good purpose.

Hi Julietta! I understand exactly where your coming from. I struggle with the same things and it seems to have increased lately which is frustrating!

It looks like we have similar weight goals. Your almost to yours, congrats!! Can you give me any tips? What did you do to lost those 20 pounds? I'm really struggling right now and any advice would be welcome!!

[Me23]

You sound like me. I suffered from anorexia in my teens and I've had compulsive eating issues too. I also *love* food and am a great cook. I'm maintaining a healthy weight now but I still think a lot about food/my weight/eating....I'm not sure it's a bad thing to be mildly food-obsessed - heck I know a chef who makes a good living that way - but constantly measuring your self worth by the scale is a problem. I'm only just starting to move away from that mindset myself. On the one hand, I know there are more important things than being super-slim. Being clever, friendly, funny, warm, interesting, caring, accomplished, reliable etc. But on the other hand - I *want* to be slim. I know I look better than when I was fat and I like myself more too. Mental division.

[Julietta]

Hi Melly!
Thank you for reading

Actually, I am quite frightened to give you any kind of advise, because I don't feel very... mhhm... reliable? balanced? equilibrated?
I mean, I don't like myself at the moment. Even if I'm almost at my goal weight, I feel SO obssessed and mentally unhealthy
But one thing is for sure: don't give up! Especially if you are subject to binge (I am), don't let this taking you down. Forget it and forgive yourself, and move on. Move on!
Anyway, what is your plan? Mine is something inbetween a vegan diet and calories counting.

Me23

On the one hand, I know there are more important things than being super-slim. Being clever, friendly, funny, warm, interesting, caring, accomplished, reliable etc. But on the other hand - I *want* to be slim.

Yes, exactly like me.
Somehow, I'm even a little bit disappointed, because I am almost at my dream weight (sincerly, I would have NEVER EVER thought to make it) but I don't feel like I am supposed to. I'm glad of my weight, but not happy, and somehow I still look at myself as a bit chubby, or *big*. And I am really OBSESSED with food and diets and everything related.
It's overwhelming, I don't want a life like this.
I really woud prefer to have few kilos more and be "open/free-minded" about food. It should be just something in my life, not be my life.

For the first time in my life, I'm seriously thinking to seek help. I mean a doctor, a therapist, whatever. I don't know, who should I search for?
Also, here in Italy binge eating and food obsession are not very "popular". There are treatments for anorexic and bulimia, but I'm not sure what to search for. If I go to one of those doctors, probably they won't be so good in helping, because I'm not anorexix nor bulimic. Or shall I seek for a nutritionist? A psychologist?

[Melly83]

My plan right now is to count calories and exercise A LOT. I love Jillian from The Biggest Loser and she says that girls should be able to eat 1200 calories without killing their metabilisms so that's what I'm going to try and do. My scales this morning were worse than ever so I know I must get back on track.

As far as for yourself. I remember when I got to 128. I was like, this is not what I thought I would look like. But looking back I think I was skinnier than I thought. Pants that I can't even get on right now were BIG on me. So just try and realize that you might not be seeing you for what you really look like.

I know I'm the same way. Obcessed with the way I look. Always looking into mirrors and thinking negative thoughts. Always wondering if each bite of food I eat is going to make me fatter. It's frustrating. I just want to get to my goal weight. Be happy at my goal weight and for once be able to maintain it.

Maybe you could start with a Registered Dietician(not a nutrionist). If you don't feel that is helping maybe they could recommended something else.