I've been using food to cope with most emotions through my life - boredom, stress, disappointment etc. It's always been there in the background of my dark times in life. When that happened, I gained 5 pounds, when that happened, I gained ten pounds.
I've become better coping with most of my emotions and resisting to binge when I face them. When I'm stressed, I take a walk, and when I'm sad, I write. But if this one thought pops into my head "I'm not worth it", I snap and nothing can stop me from binging. Why am I making this attempt at becoming something else when I'll still be the same person? Fat or thin, I am still me and I won't look at myself any differently, as will no one else, and I won't deserve anything when I'm thin either. You can't fight when you don't think you have anything worth fighting for.
I know this post was insanely negative, and I'm not even sure what my point with this was... I'm just wondering if there's anyone out there like me or if someone has any tips to get through Those Days? Or if there are other emotions/situations when you just can't say no to food?
I have a problem after supper. I have to eat something. Usually I binge on low carb yogurt or sf jello, since Im eating healthy now. I guess replacing your binge food with healthy food is a step in the right direction, but the bottome line is, I still binge. Wish I could kick it. Maybe in time I will.
Ilike your sig that says Dont postpone life. Thats what I have been doing for 17 years...............
ida, you are NOT alone! My "snap" time happens when I get crushed under a bunch of expectations - I said yes to too many obligations that I didn't even want to take on, and then missed one of the deadlines either through mismanagement or just having a "f**k it" moment. Then I go into a tailspin of being pissed at myself, angry at "the social norms", and a spiral of misery, where chewing somehow makes me feel better - FOR A MINUTE. Followed, of course, by more anger, sadness, and the addition of guilt.
There's lots of pieces of this that I'm working on. Saying NO makes me feel stronger. I still need to unlearn the guilt part, but the calorie load is a LOT less. Working out while furious has its benefits, too - consider a punching bag! It's very satisfying to beat the snot out of something and get stronger at the same time.
You've identified what it is that's setting you off - I think that's a huge win! Now you can plan and strategize on how to respond back to that voice.
My work has the most delicious bagels brought in every sat and sun when I am on shift. I know that i can have a bagel and be normal with my food the rest of the day but somehow I feel "bad" after eating one and I get spiraled out of control for the next few days because of the "Bad" bagel- when in reality, its fine. Its my messed up issues with food.
I do the same thing. "When I was in that bad relationship I gained 40lbs, when I was working that stressful job that I hated I gained 30lbs, etc..." I relate it back to feeling out of control of my life.
I have been overweight most of my life. The only time I wasn't (besides when I was under the age of 6) I was bulimic. Even when I had an eating disorder, I was still about 10-15lbs over weight for my height. I was basically killing myself to be thin and still couldn't make it.
I think thats what sets me off as an emotional eater. When I feel out of control and as though I will never reach my goal, no matter how hard I try. It sometimes feels like I am working so hard (going to the gym up to 5 days a week, dieting, etc..) and I am not losing anything! I get so discouraged.
I have major emotional issues about being a failure. I just can't to be good enough - for myself or anyone else.
Also, if I've had a long stressful day and have not stayed on my schedule of eating every 3-4 hours, I tend to go a little crazy and eat whatever I can grab. Like yesterday, I had a slimfast for breakfast, lunch and dinner, a cheese stick and a pack of lance crackers (this is clearly not following the rules of the slim fast diet, but it was a hectic day and I didn't have time to eat) when I got home last night, I was stressed and starving...I ate a whole can of my sons Speheti-O's.....
I think I might just need therapy. With all of this and the depression I have been under during the last couple weeks...I don't think I can deal with these issues on my own anymore..
Every day Ida.I wish I could give a hug to you.........I need one too.I feel the exact same way.I have many days like this.
I wish I could hug you back.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MugCanDoIt
Ilike your sig that says Dont postpone life. Thats what I have been doing for 17 years...............
Thanks (: Yeah, me too. I feel like my whole life up until now has just been a waste... I've been given this time, and what do I do with it? Nothing. Except to eat. So that sentence makes me keep going.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ICUwishing
There's lots of pieces of this that I'm working on. Saying NO makes me feel stronger. I still need to unlearn the guilt part, but the calorie load is a LOT less. Working out while furious has its benefits, too - consider a punching bag! It's very satisfying to beat the snot out of something and get stronger at the same time.
You've identified what it is that's setting you off - I think that's a huge win! Now you can plan and strategize on how to respond back to that voice.
It's great that you've learned to say no! It's one of the hardest words to say I think, but one of the most necessary...
And I guess it's a win... but I have no idea how to respond to it. I liked your idea with a punching bag though! :P Maybe I should try that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Panda1208
My work has the most delicious bagels brought in every sat and sun when I am on shift. I know that i can have a bagel and be normal with my food the rest of the day but somehow I feel "bad" after eating one and I get spiraled out of control for the next few days because of the "Bad" bagel- when in reality, its fine. Its my messed up issues with food.
Oh, I know. Why is it either "Do well the entire ay and not eat anything bad" or "Lash out and not eat anything good"?
Quote:
Originally Posted by aidansmom
I have been overweight most of my life. The only time I wasn't (besides when I was under the age of 6) I was bulimic. Even when I had an eating disorder, I was still about 10-15lbs over weight for my height. I was basically killing myself to be thin and still couldn't make it.
Me too!! It kinda feels like I will have this weight on me forever.... it's always been there, and I will never be able to work it off, and to even try makes me look silly. Like you, I can't handle being a failure. And that keeps me from even trying sometimes.
I think therapy might be a good idea (: Especially if you're depressed... that's something you shouldn't go through yourself.
Take care
x
ida,
On responding back to the voice: When you tell yourself "I'm not worth it", the trick is to take a deep breath and try to figure out where it came from. We humans do a lot of things based on bad information. A therapist would probably suggest that somewhere in your past, an event or a person did or said something to you - it could have been as blatant as somebody saying "You're not worth it" - or as subtle as a moment where you made the leap and decided that for yourself. Find the origin of that voice - and look objectively at it. If it was a person, did that person really have any bearing on your future? Why would you give them that power? People say stuff like that to other people when they feel powerless and worthless. If it was a more subtle thing, was "I'm not worth it" a viable result? Is it based on truth?
The response to the voice is "That is faulty thinking that has caused me to fail in the past. It is not true, and it never will be true. I will own my thoughts, and they will be based on fact. I AM WORTH IT!!!"
Good luck. Practice makes perfect with this one, but when you beat this demon, nothing can stop you from getting what you want.
For me it has been an invisible thread preventing me from doing things right.
The week when my dad first went to the ICU, I really broke up. I was living in a windowless room, waiting for news, in and out of the icu room. I was trying to take care of my mother too, had the stress of being the substitute decision maker, at a time when urgent medical and surgical decisions might need to be made, and I lost it.
No exercise, no regular meals, lots of stress, and I actually didn't do things I might have done to make things better, because I was afraid to leave the building at all and afraid to abandon him. Even now, at home, back to work, seeing him for an hour every two days, I feel like I am abandoning my parents, and I am not dealing with it.
The stress has overwhelmed me. I don't think the words unworthy or bad daughter even crossed my mind, but I feel them, even if its untrue. I want to be able to make things better.
I have been doing a bit of exercise, and while I am not eating quite right, I have cut out the binges. back to baby steps.
Hope you can find your way too Ida. I was doing well until this, and that gives me strength that I will find my way back to good habits, and i actually miss the exercise, and know that eating better will feel better.
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I put on a lot of weight when my father died. Emotional eating. Don't worry if your post is negative. Sometimes life is negative.
Writing is the major outlet to me. Walking is good too. Nowadays when I overeat it's less serious - boredom/anxiety late at night. I have OCD and I don't like going to bed very much cos I pre-empt worrying and not being able to sleep. It's hard to go for a walk late at night. What I usually do is put down whatever hard thing I'm reading for my course and read something familiar and comforting that I love and know what happens x
when I get crushed under a bunch of expectations - I said yes to too many obligations that I didn't even want to take on, and then missed one of the deadlines either through mismanagement or just having a "f**k it" moment. Then I go into a tailspin of being pissed at myself, angry at "the social norms", and a spiral of misery, where chewing somehow makes me feel better - FOR A MINUTE. Followed, of course, by more anger, sadness, and the addition of guilt.
Wow, are you my long-lost twin?
Yep, food is always there to make it feel better, for a few minutes.
Like many, I'm most vulnerable to the "f-it" syndrome in the afternoon/evening. I get frantically hungry, and am starting to get tired, so resistance is gone.
i am a big boredom eater and that has been very hard to over come. but what i have found is if i find something else to do like come here and post or work on my cross stitch projects about 30 min. later the urge to eat out of boredom has passed.
Joan - Some people can give endlessly. I'm just not one of them. I have been the "good girl" my whole life, and lived up to and beyond everyone's expectations. After I hit 40, though, I started to tentatively pursue some of my own things. Oddly enough, and much to my surprise, the world did not end when I said no to things I didn't want to do, and that left a whole lot more energy available to focus on the important stuff.
[QUOTE=ICUwishing;2684619]ida,
On responding back to the voice: When you tell yourself "I'm not worth it", the trick is to take a deep breath and try to figure out where it came from.
When do you snap?
I wish I could hug you back.
