threw out birthday cake from mom, so sad?

mdl · 03-04-2009, 11:58 PM

hi all,

i lurk and just needed to find support. my sweet kind wonderful mother sent me a cake for my birthday in the mail. she wrapped it so lovingly and wanted me to have something home made with love for my 31st birthday. which is so nice and amazing. but i cried when i got it b/c i knew that if i kept it it would set me up for a binge.

so i threw it out. and i just feel awful. lied to my mom and told her i had a piece and it was so good and thank you so much. but really i threw it in the garbage. i couldn't even give it away or wait til tomorrow and take it to work b/c i was scared of what i would do. i have gotten cookies from her beforehand and i always tell myself to have one or two and put the rest away. but that is never the case. so i just told myself this time to just throw it out. its OK.

but it feels wrong. i feel so abnormal that i can't keep an f-ing cake from my mom for my birthday in my apartment. and i hate that.

so i am open to people's thoughts on the matter. it just sucks sometimes.

Rosinante · 03-05-2009, 03:09 AM

I think you've done the best possible thing. You've honoured your mother's wish to give you something nice but you've also protected your health, your well-being, your life-expectancy.

I've done the same kind of thing in the past - I've had to pour washing up liquid and bleach over it in the bin though, because I'm quite capable of picking it out and eating it other wise.

Just a thought, and I don't mean it to be offensive, although it might be: does your mother know you're losing weight/maintaining (don't know which you are)? If she does, then, however well-meant, her gift was thoughtless.

Either way, you absolutely have the right to protect your health, and I think you've done the right thing.

dilleight · 03-05-2009, 06:13 AM

I think that's impressive personally!

yoyoma · 03-05-2009, 06:37 AM

You are not abnormal in needing to get rid of home-baked goodies to stay on track. You are abnormal in having the fortitude to take action.

When I have enough determination, I throw things like that under the birdfeeder. I wish I had done more of that around Christmas time, and I wouldn't still be trying to lose the weight I regained around the holidays.

LittleMoonRabbit · 03-05-2009, 09:17 AM

awww, I know it's hard. My mom is the same way... she loves to cook, and she thinks food is a vehicle of love, so she does the same kinds of things. I have done the same thing with food she's given me, and I have felt awful just like you... but as long as SHE thinks you really enjoyed it (which you said you told her), then that's really all that matters. No harm done. She'll never know. In that single action, you have done what's best for both of you.

mdl · 03-05-2009, 09:54 AM

wow thank you kind ladies so much! i feel much better now and i know my mom just wants me to be happy and healthy. and for some people (me at this present moment) that means i don't keep things around that i am not comfortable with.

my mom knows i have issues but she thinks that i don't eat enough. irony. usually i eat very healthy stuff and she knows that. i am also active so she is under the impression that i deprive myself. if only she knew that it is so hard for me to just eat "one" especially anything with sugar.

i have told her about my binges in the past but i don't think she knows that it is still an issue. she would just think great eat one or two and move on. doesn't happen.

i have told her how compulsive it can be at times and she knows i have struggles but she doesn't know about the ever present voices that can cause a slip up that can ruin an entire day in five freaking minutes ya know.

so i'm glad i threw it out. i live in america. i can go buy 50 cakes if i want to.

Ailidh - no offense taken! actually if mom really knew how hard it is for me to keep sweets around she probably would have given me something else instead. she would not want me to hurt myself!

corazonas · 03-05-2009, 10:15 AM

i wouldn't worry about it too much. i know it's hard that you feel like you CAN'T have indulgent stuff in your house but you are far from the only one. and it's much better to just get it out than eat it all. and as bad as it feels to lie to your mom, i would have done the same thing. there's no reason to hurt her by telling her you tossed it- she probably wouldn't understand anyway.

you did a positive thing- remember that

prepping · 03-05-2009, 10:25 AM

I agree, you did the best for the both of you. She sent it out of love, there's no reason to toss that in her face just because it's not what you would consider appropriate. If nothing else, maybe opening the lines of communication a little more would mean she'll send you a yoga mat or a lulu lemon bag for your next birthday!

BAILYBOO · 03-05-2009, 11:09 AM

I am glad you were able to do what you needed to do to take care of you first . That's a big step .

stellart · 03-05-2009, 12:10 PM

i would be proud that you threw it out. not sad at all. im also a big binger. and i need to get rid of things or hide them really well so that i dont eat them. i live with other ppl though now, and i find it so difficult to have cookies in my house.

you did the right thing anyway, you said thank you to your mother. haven't you ever gotten a **** present and lied and said thank you anyway. it's called being polite. there was no harm done to anyone. you didn't eat the cake, and you mother feels happy that she made you something. everyone's a winner.

mdl · 03-05-2009, 09:19 PM

i have totally gotten jacked up gifts and said thanks i love it and:
never worn the ugly sweater
never hung up the random art
never worn the weirdo jewelry
never read the boring book
etc etc

food is the same i guess. its a gift in this case. i didn't really want it.

thanks ladies. hang the heck in there. bday cake gate '09 is turning into a mildly empowering i-do-have-a-choice moment

fatmad · 03-05-2009, 09:31 PM

Sometimes, if I bake, I make sure to have people over to help eat it, so I just have one piece, instead of everything, or the whole thing.
If there are leftovers, I throw it out!
what you did is what many of us have to do, not have the stuff around.

my3monthchallenge · 03-06-2009, 12:11 AM

You definitely did the best for the both of you. Besides, what she doesn't know can't harm her. If you felt her love and thanked her for it, that's all that matters.

ICUwishing · 03-06-2009, 10:59 AM

I can relate totally! Bless you for your power and for taking action ... perhaps someday Mom will understand, and might send a single cupcake instead - something that COULD be worked into the routine and safely enjoyed. Until then, though ... you saved yourself, and that is a huge victory in its own right. You're a role model!

saef · 03-06-2009, 11:29 AM

I wish I could do this. The throwing away part, I mean.

I have a terrible problem with throwing out eatable food. I hear phrases like "waste" and "perfectly good" and "what a shame" in my head. Instead, I have to give such things away. I would put it in my car, to get it out of my sight, and then take it to work, leave it on the counter in the "free food" zone & watch it disppear within a half hour.

My mother's in the habit of sending me "care packages," usually for Valentine's Day or my birthday. (I'm in my 40s -- no, parents never stop.) When I was first trying to eat more sensibly, she sent an enormous box of Jelly Belly beans. I had to hide them away in a very high cupboard; eventually, she ended up eating them all herself during a visit to me. Later, she eventually "got it." I still got my care package, but I had to laugh. It had "treats" but they are now things I do eat: tins of sardines, Stride sugarfree Sweet Peppermint gum, Aldi's Trail Mix, King Arthur Whole Wheat Flour (because I bake my own whole wheat bread), and some nonfood items, like silver & turquoise earrings. I've trained her well. I felt very supported & loved, when I saw this stuff. (Especially the sardines.)