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Eating Disorder Free, I will be healthy..

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Old 02-28-2009, 08:03 PM   #1
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Default Eating Disorder Free, I will be healthy..

Hi. My question here is well have anyone on here ever have an eating disorder. I used to. I used to be bulimic for 5 years but it wasnt untl my sophmore year in high school did I develop a new disorder. BINGE EATING DISORDER.

Its sad, because it exists. ITs not binging a few times. ITs doing it EVERYDAY. IT sucks.

Well. I decided 4 months ago THAT I AM BETTER THAN ANY DISORDERS. NO BULIMIA. NO BINGE DISODER. I WILL DO IT HEALTHY. The only problem is that its hard to recover on my own. Im not saying i want a therapist lol. I just want friends. See my e.d.s kept me depressed and away from my friends, in fear, in embarassement..

WEll, I just want to know if anyone had a similar problem I had. OR wanted a new friend.
Ok well. Take care everyone!
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Old 02-28-2009, 08:24 PM   #2
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My story is similar to yours except that I went from anorexia to binge eating disorder, and I did it in college. I'm doing better now for the most part - I have binge episodes maybe a few times a week rather than every day, multiple times a day. I don't know if I can be of any help but I'm here! =)
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Old 02-28-2009, 08:51 PM   #3
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Hi. OR wanted a new friend.
Ok well. Take care everyone!

I can't say I have had an eating disorder, other than using it as my drug of choice. But I can say you have friends here.

Learning to feel your feelings rather than eat them is the crux of every unhealthy relationship with food, big or small. I struggle with that every day.

Keep posting, keep reading and keep moving forward. Thanks for sharing yourself with all of us. For every post, there are probably 10 chicks who have read, related and sent a good thought your way!
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Old 02-28-2009, 08:58 PM   #4
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I went through anorexia and into bulimia (overexercising, rather than purging) and then binge eating disorder about 12 years ago. Yeah, I did the whole thing.

Take care, Dove. Be kind to yourself, above all. And I agree, feeling one's feelings is sometimes something you've got to learn. I thought I knew myself well, but I did not. When I started to learn how to recover, I was like a birder or some other naturalist wandering around & trying to see clearly & identify my elusive feelings. "Oh, so that's anger? That's grief?" And then there was learning how to experience them without feeling like I'd shatter into pieces or evaporate or otherwise distintegrate under the onslaught. And that I could do this without eating something.

Best of luck to you.
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Old 03-01-2009, 10:17 PM   #5
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And I agree, feeling one's feelings is sometimes something you've got to learn. I thought I knew myself well, but I did not. When I started to learn how to recover, I was like a birder or some other naturalist wandering around & trying to see clearly & identify my elusive feelings. "Oh, so that's anger? That's grief?" And then there was learning how to experience them without feeling like I'd shatter into pieces or evaporate or otherwise distintegrate under the onslaught. And that I could do this without eating something.

Well said! Very well said.
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Old 03-01-2009, 10:44 PM   #6
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I have always had very disordered eating habits.Never anarexia or bulemia but I have certainly tried every diet on the market.Eliminating all kinds of foods, diet pills, laxatives, diuretics.....on and on.I have learned that those things can be as dangerous as a "diagnosed eating disorder".I have learned that for me abstaining from any food is a problem.I have learned that healthy eating is something I have always known how to do.I know that if I follow the food pyramid(something I learned in elementary school)LOL,I am eating healthy and doing something I can follow for the rest of my life.I still have an occasional treat but my binge eating has improved greatly but not depriving myself.Good luck to all on this journey.
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Old 03-04-2009, 01:27 PM   #7
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Thanks all for your responses.

Iriswhispers: Wow. Our situations are very similiar. How did you recover enteriely from Binge eating disorder. See when I recovered from bulimia it was my mind set, i just wanted to stop. But i dont want to stop binging. Not always. I dont know. Sometimes I do, but the thought of doing so is to hard. Im in that mind set that says "well if already fat, i might as well eat the cookie." you know.

PleaseLuise: Thanks for your comment. I agree. I have to think in my mind that Im better than food, but im so down in life that Im not motivated. does that make sence? I dont know. I know that theres people like me so I hope I can find those people so we can all try to get better. :-)


Saef
- Thanks so much. Im glad that you have recovered. Im trying to be normal, but food has been the enemy for 5 years and the answer for a following year, so its so hard to just give up all those lies that has infused my mind with lies about what "perfect girls look lie" and replace with them with what a healthy fit girl should be. How did you keep motivation, and learn to love yourself. Its so hard for me to workout every day. Cuz i can work out for three days and lose say a pound and then forget to workout and gain .3 of a pound and feel like crap, cry and wont work out again. I dont know. Sorry this is long.

harrismm- Wow. Thats great that you follow the food pyramad. I would love to but my mom only buys food she likes not food I want like fruits or yougurt. I guess I could excersise. I understand, I used to use lax. Its liek having a e.d. because it was get rid of my intake. Im dieing for diet pills. I have tried to recover and stick with weight watched but It didnt stick for me. But thanks so much for commenting. Im glad you have chaged your mindset to something healthier. For me I cant just have a binge moment. If I binge its for the whole day. And then it would piss me off and ill binge the next day etc. I dont know how to change that. Im just not happy in life.


Sorry guys for this long response. I wrote back to everyone that have posted so far. Anyway, thanks for all commenting. You guys are wonderful. I hope everyone is doing good. Take care, everyone.

Last edited by shatteredfallendove : 03-04-2009 at 01:29 PM.
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Old 03-04-2009, 05:07 PM   #8
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shattered: how old are you? Since you're still living at home with your mother, you are going to have to put your foot down and request healthier foods for your meals. Do you have a part-time job, so you can buy your own foods? Or can you volunteer to do the grocery shopping, so you can pick out your own healthy foods?

If you want to take control of your eating disorder, you have to be ready to take control of your life and take responsbility for your actions. I hope that doesn't sound harsh. I know you're young, but trust me: now is the time to begin taking control of your own life. It saddens me to see that you don't see any other options other than binging or diet pills.
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Old 03-04-2009, 10:38 PM   #9
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shattered: how old are you? Since you're still living at home with your mother, you are going to have to put your foot down and request healthier foods for your meals. Do you have a part-time job, so you can buy your own foods? Or can you volunteer to do the grocery shopping, so you can pick out your own healthy foods?

If you want to take control of your eating disorder, you have to be ready to take control of your life and take responsbility for your actions. I hope that doesn't sound harsh. I know you're young, but trust me: now is the time to begin taking control of your own life. It saddens me to see that you don't see any other options other than binging or diet pills.
hi rachinma, No, that wasnt harsh. Im 17. I wish I had a job. I live in Ny so you would think that it would be easier to get a job right since theres places everywhere. But no, its so hard. I applied for 51 jobs so far, as of October. And no call backs.

I would love to stand up and tell me mom, "hey listen I want bottled water, or I want fruit" but then shed either yell at me, make fun of me, tell me shes broke, tell me I have to pay for it, or my personal favorite "I have no money to waste on your food, I have to buy my weight watchers" yet she has yet to lose a pound on any diet, cuz she cant commit. Its hard. Cuz my mom takes her problems out on me, cuz im the only one living with her (my father doesnt count cuz he either yells at her or is at work) so she takes it all out on me. And her verbal abuse is probably the reason for the start of my e.d.

Sorry if this is long. I would love to get the food I want. And eat right. But I cant. My boy friend has a job so I might ask him every week to buy me food. It might actually be easier, cuz I cant binge in front of anyone else. I can only do it alone. So maybe if I only eat with him, Ill actually be aware of when Im hungry and full.
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Old 03-04-2009, 10:40 PM   #10
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If you want to take control of your eating disorder, you have to be ready to take control of your life and take responsbility for your actions. I hope that doesn't sound harsh. I know you're young, but trust me: now is the time to begin taking control of your own life. It saddens me to see that you don't see any other options other than binging or diet pills.
That was very encouraging. And I thank you for it. I want to her things like that. IT makes me motivated.
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Old 03-05-2009, 02:52 PM   #11
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Hey. I have been in your exact same boat.
From 8th grade through high school I had crazy issues with food. My best friend in the world was severely anorexic, and I bounced back and forth between starvation, binging purging, diet pills, the whole shebang. I never had a healthy relationship with food, and over time binging became the norm for me. I would binge every single day, day upon day, and sometimes I still get that huge undeniable urge. I know exactly what you're talking about when you say you don't want to stop binging. It's like letting go of a childhood friend or a security blanket. It feels so good to eat and eat, I know. But it feels so much better to be fit and healthy and FREE from food addiction.
Just like me, you obviously have a very warped relationship with food. this is probably in part because of your mother and what it seems are her own food issues--I had a very tense relationship with my mom too, though she was always more fit than me.
Diet pills are very obviously not the answer for you, just more of the same. What you have to do is stop looking for the easy answer. Stop looking for the magic pill or diet. You have to entirely revamp your way of thinking--That sounds hard right?
Well I'm only a year older than you and in a few short months I've gone from a binge MACHINE to 15 pounds lighter, rarely binging, and feeling awesome. I don't excersize as much as I should and I go off plan more than I ought to, but I am still steadily losing weight. And I can have pretty much anything I want in moderation. I'm calorie counting--maybe you should look in the Calorie Counters forum in the diet section. Its the easiest 'diet' I've ever been on.
The issue with your mother buying your food is a tough one. I'm lucky enough to live with my grandmother, who is happy to provide me with all the healthy foods I need or want. But you just can't use your mother as an excuse. If she's 'on weight watchers' then she's got to have some low-cal food around the house. If she won't buy you your own food, eat hers. I'd say drink water from the tap but you live in NY so...
The real point is, there will always be an excuse why you just CAN'T lose weight. and there will always be what seems like the 'easy fix,' diet pills or laxatives or starvation. But all you're doing there is setting yourself up to fail. When you're really ready to lose the weight, FOR GOOD, (not just a dozen pounds in two weeks on some crazy starvation method and then a month long binge after because you've been restricting yourself so much), then you will find how easy it can be. Use this website every chance you get to stay motivated and on track, and for tips and advice on EVERYTHING!
Just bear in mind that it's all up to you. You can choose to lose, or you can choose not to. Don't stay caught up in the vicious cycle.
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Old 03-05-2009, 03:06 PM   #12
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To munchievictim,

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE POST BACK.

One thing that you said was true was that I do use my mom as an excuse. Maybe a part of me is not willing to let go of Binging. It is my security blanket. It makes me not thing about my problems. Yet at the same time, It only creates more problems when IT comes to my weight.

Today I have not binged. I ate a little cerael and only 1 cookie. And I am actually full. But what made me eat light was because My wii fit told me I lost a pound since yesturday.

ITs stupid but Its like when I lose weight, I am happy and I dont binge.But if I gain a pound or I get mad. I go crazy. Does that make sence.

The funniest thing about what I ate today is the fact that I am not hungry. I had less than 300 calories and Im fine. My body is telling me not to eat again until I am hungry. I havent felt this way in a while. Im so used to shoving food down my throat that I never realise that my body can take it all.

Tap water from Ny is gross. But I think Im going to buy a Brita filter that way It will be tap water only purified. And I do try to eat my moms food but then she yells and eats me. So I have came to the conclusion that I will eat whatever is in the else but in moderation. Theres nothign wrong with food. just consuming to much of it.

I think your right. counting Calories should be very effective. I have been 230 and then went down to 160 so I know I can do it. Its just I have to stay motivated.

I thank you so much for responding back. Sometimes I do make excuses for myself just because I think its hard to follow sometime. Im so used to confiding in an E.D. or the easy way out instead of doing things the right way. But Im going to try to stop it. I am better than this.

Thank you.
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Old 03-06-2009, 10:38 PM   #13
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I was bulimic. It was off and on for several years. The last bout of it was about a year and a half ago. I stopped cold turkey shortly before I got pregnant. I was just sick of it. Then I found out I was pregnant and I knew I had to leave it behind, for good. I was safe all through my pregnancy, not even thinking about it and now that I have a baby, I don't think of it anymore. I do however, binge The comfort of binging without the purging. I'm working on stopping but it's difficult. I've been doing it less and less lately which feels good.

We can overcome our E.D.'s. It just takes time and the commitment to get to the root of our issues.
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Old 03-10-2009, 12:51 AM   #14
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Did you say your mom eats you or beats you???Please tell me neither of above.If both or just one..........tell someone.You dont deserve that honey.
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Old 03-12-2009, 11:04 PM   #15
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Well, I still struggle with binging/purging..I binge and want to purge...sometimes I don't---sometimes the junk I ate makes me so sick...i feel better if I do...

I find if I catch myself BEFORE i even touch the binge food..I stop...but if I let it touch my hand..it becomes my conduit for self punishment...I am a control freak and use food to beat myself up...
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