[xYourBelleMortex]

Well, I succeeded today in humiliating myself.

My mom called at about 3 p.m. and said that she had bought me a bicycle. I was pretty surprised because usually she is a banshee who loves to rain on my parade and is just queen of killing any kind of good mood I am in. So I was all gung-ho about sucking down the fresh air and beginning my first day of intense activity.

So, off I went on my new bike, around the corner and felt so amazing until the incline started and kept going for the next hour. In five minutes I was starting to sweat. I began to get concerned about my butt swallowing the seat and the people driving by me wondering what I was doing and how terrible I looked. I was almost out of breath. Almost a mile uphill. My heart was pounding. I was getting dizzy. I see another small hill and I almost started to cry. I decide to get off my bike and pretend to adjust my seat as a truck filled with guys approached.

That is when my legs give out from under me and I hit the ground and the bike collapses on me.

I sat there for a minute and was bordering on screaming and I wondered what the **** I was thinking for those years and years as I ate and ate and ate and sat down and remained inactive. I wasn’t giving up… I was furious. I mean just plain and excruciating anger. If someone had stopped and asked me how I was I would have decked them in the face.

My heart was pounding and my hat was filled with sweat. As I decided to trek back to my house I could barely peddle. I was spitting mad when I finally made my way into my house. My dogs jumped on me and I yelled at them. I stormed around my house kicking doors and piles of laundry. I drank water and then puked it up. Then I sat on my floor.

I didn’t cry until my dogs came and lay on my lap – they obviously knew I was upset and attempting to comfort me in true doggy fashion.

How the crap did I let this happen to me. How could I have been so complacent for all of these years?

I am still fully motivated because any kind of experience like the one I had today is either going to make you or break you… but the lengths of how guilt ridden and pissed off I am at myself is infinate.

I want the weight gone and I want it gone now. I swear to god if I can’t make it up that hill by the end of the month… I am going to have to take a cardio beat down class to lay out some kind of punching bag.

[Spoz]

It's awesome that through such a negative experience you can take positive action and motivate yourself. But please don't stay angry at yourself, you need to accept how you are right now because otherwise you're going to get frustrated during those times when it gets difficult and blame yourself - and in my experience thats when it really goes aywol. So chin up chick! You did an awesome job on your bike ride and your motivation is inspirational