[greeneggsandtam]

This is tough post to write. I hate talking about purging. It's such an intensely private and shameful topic. I was bulimic for about fifteen years and through some therapy and good old fashioned fright about my heart and teeth, etc. managed to put it behind me. I haven't purged in almost a year now.
I made my life very social but on the other hand also very isolated. I always went out with friends but stayed single for many years and rarely had people over - purely to hide that part of my life from people.
My SO is such a fantastic person. I'm thankful everyday that I have him in my life. Back in University he was a fancyschmancy Football player and track athlete - many many years ago. He has always had ties to fitness.
I never really have and now in my mid thirties - I decide to take up soccer and triathalon training.... weird.
My issues are still bubbling just below the surface and sometimes I worry. He talks about all sorts of things pertaining to health and fitness and he is so very very proud of me and my 'late blooming semi athletic tendencies'. He is so kind and supportive.
There are times though that I misjudge what he is saying and assume that he is critisizing me or antagonizing me. I know they're my own issues that run amok in my own head and it is so hard to let them go.
Sometimes I wonder how long it will be or what it will take. Stupid issues. Maybe I keep them around because I've had them for so long and adapted a whole way of life and thinking around them that it's hard to imagine looking at the world another way. Maybe I should just try to be more positive and not as fearful.

[Bikini Dreader]

Hang in there and stay positive. I think everyone has things they struggle with. The good thing is you have made big changes and are aware of your own struggles. If you feel yourself slipping, don't hide from you SO or at least tell someone. I'm certain he has no idea that you hear what he says in the way you do and would want to know if you were taking things a different way than he intends. Does he know about your past? I understand in the beginning you don't want to lay it all out there, but you've been together for a while now. Everyone has things that they have to deal with in their lives and he does too. I find that is the worst thing to hide it. Good for you for overcoming that obstacle and for continuing to keep yourself in check.