Robin,his XW is the one that called begging DH to find her a beagle puppy. She lives in Las Vegas with her boyfriend and DH's 14 yr. old DD. The beagle pups there costed $1200.00. My DH bought this one from a co-worker here in OK. for $30.00. So, we're not out much money, but we do have an extra dog for now. I don't want it as I breed my pure blood labs and don't want to throw a beagle in the mix with them. It just makes me mad that she wanted it and he went to the trouble of getting it and now she says she can't take it.
Well, geez!! Was it her that wanted it or dd? Id say, since the ex asked you for it, you found it and paid for it.......give it to dd anyway! Easier said than done I know. So maybe bring dd over to see the pup? Have her talk her mom into bringing it home? You can certainly arrange for transportation (at HER cost) for the dog. Lots of airlines will take it for you. Well, I wish you the best with this one! Im still shaking my head
Tracy, I find my pms is pretty much non-existant on atkins/low carb. I still get a bit bloated....and I never weigh myself until its all over with
Ok, here is what happened to me today....
I wasnt going to post this, just thought, fine I'll get thru it on my own. But as much as Ive tried to get it out of my head....and trying to not let it take up space in my brain, it is.
I get an email from the ex this morning. Ok, fine....Ive gotten alot better with these over the last 5 yrs thanks to my wonderful dh.
This one announces he is moving, sold the house, bought a new one, and is moving in with the gf and her 2 boys. Ok....Im still fine. Im happy for him, he's moving on, my dd will have a new "bonus" family that she actually likes, and she tells me there is a hot tub....for her that is just tooooooo cool!! Im still ok with all this.
At the bottom of the email, there is a link to have an arial look at the house. I go (my first mistake) and have a look. In knowing the market where he is, and what we paid for the house he just sold, and the fact that he sold it in 2 days, he probably got pretty close to asking price for it. This house he has just bought is easily in the $250,000 range. Thats just from looking at the flipping roof, and properties around it.
So why am I so damn upset?! I dont miss the S.O.B. one bit!! He's the cheapest crudest jerk Ive ever met. But he is great with our dd. So why am I so upset? Im very happy with my husband, and my marriage, my home, and my little life here. So why....seeing that house piss me off?
I will admit that seeing the picture, made me feel like the fat worthless woman that was married to him for so long. Im mad at myself for feeling like that. Im crying now....thats just great! Im mad at myself for letting him get to me...when I know he is just happy for himself and wants to show off. Ok fine....but I need to get over this. Cripes.....Im going to make some coffee.
Id really love some imput on this ladies. Its old ghosts rearing their ugly heads. This is always the stuff that sets me back, bingeing, and loosing all control. I dont want to do that this time.
Kel- That's a good thing...means you won this round...woohoo! Good luck with the politics....politics is why I opened my own business. I find large groups of women worse than mixed groups.
BB- I'm glad the info was helpful, I just have had so many people lately say that cutting out the nuts made all the difference.
Lily- You make me laugh...I have great images of DH's XW....the slut....hee hee. I still can't believe how frickin inconsiderate that was though....are you having fantasies about punching her out at the ball game...I sure would be, or shoving the beagle puppy up her butt (barring any injury to the pup of course)...Thos are the types of situations I need to learn to breath through....deep breath in and out!
Robin- my heart hurts for you right now. I know a similar feeling, and it's not a healthy one. When I have such thoughts about my ex I just remind myself that when I (enter self sabotaging behaviour here), he's winning, he still has a hold on me and I'm NOT gonna let that happen. f*** him. I rock! and I'm better than that!
I think breathing is in order for everyone...deep breath in.......and let it out...repeat as needed. Maybe I'm the one that's gotta breath cause all y'all's stories are getting me worked up today......gotta love hormones!
Have a gret day ladies, I gotta go make some women beautiful!
Oh Robin... I'm so sorry about the e-mail and how it made you feel. I don't have an ex-husband, but I have been the survivor of bad relationships. So I can understand how it might make you feel to see that he's doing so well financially. It's not that you wish him ill, it seems to be quite the contrary especially since he's a good father to your daughter. But there's still a part of you that inwardly grates at this knowledge. I understand that completely.
I hope that talking to us about it has helped you somewhat, and I wish that I knew what to say to ease the feelings that you have about it. I agree with Tracy, though. Please don't allow him to affect you so much that you change your perception of the wonderful woman, wife and mother that you are! That gives him too much power and gives, in effect, your past too much power. You've moved beyond that and although you need to grieve for the person that you were then, you don't want to be sucked down to that position once more. Here's big hugs and hopes that you feel much better now!
I hope that you don't think that I'm too much of a dork if I tell you that I'm sending you out Cheering Charms and Strengthening Solutions to help you get through this period of time? On my Harry Potter forum that's what we send out to our friends during times of stress to let them know that we're thinking of them and are sending them prayers and positive thoughts.
I also agree with Tracy about working with women in groups. Women can be very difficult to work with if there are more than two of them! It doesn't always happen, but often times I've noticed a "mean girls" mentality that's just shocking even in grown women.
Lily, I'm so sorry about the beagle! That bites big time! Your husband's ex sounds like a real piece of work! I'm sure that you'd like to tie her to a chair and torture her for a few hours! (Can I help? )
You already have your hands full with the puppies that you have, and I'm sure that you didn't really want to take on another dog. Big hugs!
BB, I hope that you were able to get all of your shopping and storm-preparations completed before the weather began to turn yucky! In live in Southern Louisiana (right in the middle of Katrina's path), and so I know all about needing to stock up before the storms come through. Please stay warm and safe! Do they expect that you'll get ice and possibly lose power?
Kel, I really had a laugh when I read how the "mean" nurse reacted to you yesterday! It reminded me of this girl that bullied and mistreated me for 2 years in Jr. High school. One day I had enough and clocked her a good one. I NEVER had any problems with her again, and she always made sure to be polite to me. It was very uncomfortable to go from being on her "hit list" to be somebody that she was extremely polite around! Sometimes bullies have to be stood up to and they'll learn not to mess with you. I'm glad that you stood your ground with her!
Well, I'm still in the middle of my stall... but I feel a bit better about it now. I'm trying to remember to add lots and lots of water to my diet just like the article had suggested. I hope that if I continue to diligently wait it out that I'll break through it sooner than later. This is the part of my diet where I'd usually give up and decide that if I was going to suffer without results that I might as well eat what I'd like, but my past behavior won't help me to get the results that I'm looking for! So I'm plodding on and trying to push through the stall even though I sometimes feel like a running-back trying to push through an entire line of defenders. :sigh:
You go Barb!
Pushing through is the only way to go to reach any goal!
I noticed the Harry Potter reference and thought I'd mention that my dogs are named Hagrid (10 lbs) and Madame Maxime (8lbs)....he wears a hefty red leather studded collar and she wears a thick black patten leather crystal encrusted collar....I've tried not to be that annoying small dog person, but I am slowly getting annoying with cute dog crap.
Have a great day
Tracy
I made it thru the day....just have the evening to get thru. I have successfully kept the eating marathon from happening.
Tracy, Thankyou! Ive printed off your comment, and I've glued it into my journal. Under my rant...which I printed off as well. You know how you know this stuff, and you tell yourself this stuff, but you forget. You will always be able to remind me Thanks
Barb, you exactly told me what I try to do, and of course being as upset as I was, I didnt remember. Not to give my past any power....you will always remind me too. Cheering Charms and Strengthening Solutions, is perfect, Thank you Sounds perfect, and it made me smile when I read that.
I talked to my dd this afternoon, (she's at her dads)we talked about the house, and listening to her excitement about it was good for me. Because its really all about her isnt it?!
Im a bit down, and very teary, pms maybe? I think I'll be ok eating wise. I will not let him keep me fat.......he did it for 13 yrs....I think thats enough.
You ladies really have no idea how bad I wanted to smack the XW tonite at the ballgame when she leaned over to me and DH and said "sorry about the puppy thing " and she busted up laughing. It took every ounce of restraint in my body not to pull every hair out of that dumb , bleached head and mop that basketball court with her big old butt. As far as her dressing like a hooker, tonite was better than last time. She did have a very low-cut sleeveless shirt on and a pair of jeans that looked plastered. The best part is she didn't even wear a frigging jacket and it was 22 degrees. LOL. Her nipples were surely hard, but I couldn't tell cause they must have been tucked in the top of them jeans. LOL.
Robin, I am so sorry to hear how you are feeling about the XH situation. I completely understand. Just remember you love your DH, you have a good happy life with him and your DD. With the XH there had to be problems or he wouldn't be the X. Money does not make for a happy life.
I have been in this same situation. My son's dad is an anesthesiologist. We had our problems. He was always controlling. Told me what I was allowed to eat, how much I could weigh, forced me to exercise whether I wanted to or not. Ignored me. Had affairs. You get the picture, he's a jerk. But, he's a rich jerk. He owns his own anesthesia practice and has several CRNA's working under him that he gets a big share of their earnings. He owns a harley davidson dealership, he owns his own restaurant. His house has an Olympic size indoor pool, huge hottub, every amenity. His so-called "cabin" that he comes to on weekends is bigger than the 3500 foot house we live in full-time, he also owns a mansion of a house in Ft. Worth , TX. and a condo in Vail Colorado that he goes to a couple times a yr. for skiing. So, sure I've had my moments of "why didn't things work for us". Why is it I worked full time and helped the sorry SOB through medical school and a new woman that he had an affair with gets to reap the benefits of all his wealth now.Why is that his other 2 kids are living in luxury while I have struggled to support his first child. You can't count the times I've wished he'd be in an "accident" and my son would get the money from him that he's entitled to. At the time we split up, he'd just finished his residency and wasn't making nearly as much as the $500,000 per yr. or more that he makes now. I was awarded $1200.00 per month in child support. I never took him back for more as his income increased. I do know that if my son outsurvives him, that my son will be worth millions. I have copies of all the life insurance papers on him that are for my son as beneficiary. He has equal amt.s for his other 2 kids.
What I'm getting at is that although he is rich, we werent' happy together. I have had my moments of "jealousy" and hard feelings for him and his new wife. For yrs. I blamed myself, thought if only I hadn't struggled with weight issues that we'd still be together. I don't blame myself anymore. I'm happier with how my life has turned out (well usually anyway). I no longer ENVY the money or his new wife. When my son has gone to his weekend cabin , he sees his dad having affairs on his step-mom. He sees his dad and step-mom yell and fight. He comes home and tells me how his dad and step-mom have slept in separate bedrooms for yrs. He asked his dad this past yr. "why don't you and Phoebe just get a divorce?" His dad says, because "she'd get half of everything I own". So, see he is not happy, she isn't happy, their kids are living in a stressful, chaotic environment and for what, Money.
BTW, after him dictating every bite I took and it only causing me to gain wt. , his new wife (that was tiny when she married him) is 3 times my size now. Before, when I got up to 150 lbs. he told me that I was "disgusting and not to ever get undressed in front of him because it grosses him out". I'll add he is 5'10 and weighs at least 275 himself. Has a huge beer belly , but for some reason when its a man, it doesn't seem to matter , see men are just " big" and women are "fat". When my son saw him this past Christmas the only inquiry he had about me is "Is your mom still fat". I 'm so proud my skinny son said "no, she's the same size as I am". .
I know that it is wrong to ever wish wt. problems on anyone but since she did have an affair with him while I was 9 months pregnant with our son, I forgive myself for being glad she is no longer the tiny little woman that took my man. Also , my DH's XW, same goes for her. 2 yrs. ago she had went to LAWL and lost over 100 lbs., I hated seeing her because I was very obese at the time. (She regained every lb. of it and some friends to boot). Now, the tables are turned (hers must have been loaded with cheesecake) and I forgive myself for getting a little sense of enjoyment out of this. After all, she has made my life a living **** for the past 9 yrs. .
I better add this disclaimer to my post. I'm a non-violent person and would never cause any harm to my XH or DH's XW. It's just fun to fantasize sometimes. LOL.
I better add this disclaimer to my post. I'm a non-violent person and would never cause any harm to my XH or DH's XW. It's just fun to fantasize sometimes. LOL.
I understand! I have those same fanatasies at times.
I honestly dont know if its jealousy, or anger I feel. Maybe a bit of both. Angry because of things he wouldnt do for me, jealous over the things he does for her, but absolutley refused to do for me. kwim? I do know that after being with me, then getting back into the dating world.....the women won't put up with his crap. He's definitely learned some hard lessons. She really should be thanking me
I do take pleasure in the fact that the gf has a huge butt and a bit ole nose. :P
On a more pleasant note.....I made it thru yesterday! I ended up calling my mom and talking to her for an hour. Just to get me over the....I want to go out and eat what ever I can find moment...when I was done talking to mom, I had a cup of water, some ff/sf pudding with a banana cut up in it Hit the spot, and I managed thru the rest of the evening just fine.
Today is going to be tricky, only because we are going to be out on appointments all morning. So, I'll have my breaky, and pack a little something for just in case, and hope that does the trick.
Thanks again ladies, for your kind words and all your help.
Robin and Lilly: oh the x's. If you think about it, they went from D to H for a reason. I so feel it for you. I was once told "You can't control what others do, you can only control what you do." So I try to stay positive and "above the fray." I have no XH's, but I have an X-fiance whose mother I work with. I let her know how great life is from me and she tells me how he leaches money from her and her husband, how he's on his 3rd marriage and they all look like me, how he's left a string of children across the state, but she did plug in one day how much he's earning now. I thought, yeah, divided between 3 DH's/XH's and assorted brood of his. HA. And that comes out to how much? Well, if she says things like "We'll not give him anymore money this month," I didn't miss much did I!
Girls, find your own power. I am who I am and all others can deal with it. Who I am doesn't depend on what anybody thinks. I have generally found a way to "choose" to be happy. I used to think that was NUTS, how can I be happy. Then I lost both my parents and a dear grandmother. I have one grandmother left only, two aunts, one uncle, cousins and DH. No brothers/sisters. I was in a brutal emotionally abusive relationship that was ready to start into physical. Got rid of baggage (and bf). I found happy. I found it in me. Never knew it was there until I realized how little most all the problems we have in life really are! Little daggers thrown by X's - small potatoes. Flat tire - sux, but not a biggie. Difficult person at work - downer, but not a biggie. I just stop and think "What's the worst thing that could happen?" It's not usually that bad. If it is, well then that problem gets my attention. If it's not, life goes on and happy goes on. I could laugh in the rain on the side of the road while looking at my flat tire. Hey, at least I have a truck to have a flat. I'm late for work. Hey, I got a job. If I lost my job, Hey, I'm an RN, so for jobs "NEXT." I have accepted that death is a part of life. It's inevitable. NO point worrying about it, unless a life threatening illness is upon me or loved one. Otherwise, all else is just another hurdle. If all else fails say "thank you" and follow it with a laugh! You can only control you and if you eat or do other things to hurt you, you didn't fix the problem anyway. So "thank you" and laugh.
tgvirgo: Find your happy. If it's in doggie accessories, knock yourself out!
Phoenix: Stick to it through the stall. Pledge to not weigh yourself for 1 wk or more if you can. As you go, the smaller drops may take awhile to show. If you wait you may be able to see it again. Plus, try not to focus on food for the wk. Eat OP, but find stuff to do with yourself. Find a way not to pay too much attention but stay OP. You can do this!
Lily- I can imagine a little, cause I wanted to do unthinkable things to her and I don't even know her. I've just met people like her and I am not violent, but people like that make me want to go psyco on their a**. What does your husband do through all this?
Robin-GOod for you! Those are the worst days, and what makes them the worst is that you know your eating is a REACTION to past crap.....for me those types of days in the past were diet enders. Today will be a peice of crap....planning is everything.
Kel-good for you for finding your happy. sounds like you have a pretty good attitude!
There was alot of passion in the previous few messages....phwhew. I hope you ladies have a great day....
Just to clarify. I don't have an xh I have an xfiance who was very emotionally abusive and controlling. Our baby died of SIDS and three months later I came home to a Dear Tracy letter and emptied out bank accounts and ovverdue bills. I had alot of anger to deal with and have done pretty darn good. SO when I say x he is who I refer to. I know nothing of where he is or what he's doing, and that is alot easier than having to deal with him. My empathy for you RObin and Lily is sincere because I couldn't imagine having to get emails and talk to and all of it....I'm glad he vanished.
on another note...I had a bad eating day yesterday. I ate the right foods but had breaky, and didn't eat agin until 8pm.
today hopefully will be better.
have a fabulou OP day
hugs
Tracy
Kel, Im low carbing....I eat a fairly carby snack balanced out with protein every night. I am also lifting weights 3x a week, if I dont keep some healthy carbs in my diet, I can hardly lift the suckers! Its working...the weight is stil coming off.
Tracy, wow...that sounds like quite the time for you Im so glad you came thru alright. I keep telling my dh, I'll be sooooooooo happy when I dont have to deal with the x anymore. Once my dd is a bit older, I can make plans thru her....everything having to do with him, I wont have to deal with anymore. As it is, our parenting styles are almost exactly the same, so there aren't any issues there at all. He's also very attentive too our dd. Like I said he is a great dad, just a sh-head for a husband I have to share this.....2 yrs ago my dd asked for gold earrings for christmas from her dad. He bought them for her. Me? I cried my eyes out because of it. I cried....I cried because he always refused to buy jewellery for me....and I cried because he got over it, and bought jewellery for our daughter. ........k, Im done b*tchin' my ex.
Robin, great job on winning and not letting food take control of you during this high stress time WTG.
Kel, you do have a great attitude. As for me, Yes, I felt whipped for a few yrs. after me and my son's dad broke up. With time I've learned not to envy the new woman in his life, but to feel SORRY for her. She now has to put up with his crap and I don't. Since my son is older now, I let my son make all his own arrangements to see his dad and I have never have to speak to the EX at all.
Tracy, my DH is the most non-confrontational person I've ever met in my life. He'd never say a word to her. Heck, I can't even get in a good scrap with him if I want to.
Robin, I understand how you'd be upset about the earrings. One of things that I let bother me was that my EX had told me that I'd always have to work no matter how much money he made. That a woman who stays home and has kids and lives solely off her DH's income is nothing more than a paid Prostitute. Then he marries this other woman now and she's never worked a day in the 20 yrs. they have been married. I'm really glad my current DH doesn't think the same as the XH does. I do stay home full-time now (I draw my disability) . If he does feel this way, he never said it and at least he must think I'm a dang good prostitute. LOL.
Tracy, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss of your baby through SIDS. I can't imagine how hard that is for you. Hugs.
I just looked out the window and it is snowing like crazy. I'm putting me on a big pot of stew for tonite with fresh veggies and some lean beef.
My rant for today: I got home from the ballgame at Midnight last night. At 12:30AM my 14 yr old DD wakes up, comes in computer room and tells me "I'm sure you and dad went out to a nice steak restaurant tonite and I want you to know I didn't have any supper". She does this every single time I'm not here to cook for her. So the only food she had yesterday was the 750 cal's of food I sent to school with her for breakfast and lunch combined. Keep in mind that my fridge and cabinets are so full of food that the doors barely shut. She could very easily have made her at least a burger, grilled cheese, canned soup and sandwich, almost anything. I can't get over how she will go hungry if I'm not here to fix food for her. Has anyone else had a kid that does this? It drives me crazy. She knew we'd be gone all evening. It's not that she doesn't know how to make any food it's that she WONT. I talked to her for a few min's about this and she said "I'm too tired to eat now anyway, so I'm going back to bed". By the time I was 14, I cooked dinner for the whole family quite often and my DD won't make her own dang sandwich. What would you all do in this situation?
Have you ever asked him how his "stay at home paid prostitute" was doing???? Sometimes you'd just like to smack them up side the head with a big ole 2x4!!!
NO SNOW STORM.The sun is shinning.Do these idiots on the weather channel ever know what they're talking about.Went back to Hyannis again this morning.Weight is coming down, now that I minus the bread products.Hope it continues going down by my Next W-I.
Robin-No Snow this morning. Leo wishes we had just a little so he can play with the new electric snow shovel he bought several weeks ago.
Tracy-Wish I could help you but TOM left me 10 years ago. What I remember I always had a heavy period,and my cycle was from 30 to 60 days.My PMS was just horrible,and than after my hysterectomy My weight sky rocketed,and Its been that way ever since.
Lily-Thanks for the cheese & nut information,Going to watch them both along with my bread. I so want to reach my goal,after battling the bulge for so some many years. I have almonds,pecans & walnuts in my pantry right now primary for cooking or salads.Gave Leo the peanuts & cashews.
Barb-There was no snow,Wish they{wc} would be more reliable,and not predict storms when they don't come.We're lucky as we're retired and don't have to go out,but other people have to rely on the reports as it can effect their travel plans.Thanks for your concern.
IT'S SNOWING! Up until now we've missed EVERY snow/ice storm everyone else got. But now IT'S SNOWING! I see so little of it that I'm loving it! Of course the motto here in Arkansas is "If you don't like the weather, wait." It changes constantly.
OMG those poor pathetic X's. Oh, my sympathy runs deep for them. NOT. hehe. Just a wicked moment. Up with monogomous prostitution!?! I'm married to self employed man, so I guess I got a gigilo! WOOHOO, always wanted one of those.
LOL , at Robin and Kel. I wish I had me a gigilo, Kel. Nah, 20 yrs. ago it might have been fun, but now days I prefer sleep. LOL.
Robin, I never asked how his paid prostitute is doing. He used to believe he was sterile so when I had our son, I did once say," since you've had 2 more kids now with Phoebe and you are sterile, she must have screwed around on you more than I did". LOL, he really appreciated that. (BTW, I never once screwed around on him, I sure should have, but he beat me to the punch). LOL.
Kel, we got the snow here too. It's still snowing now at my houseand is supposed to snow all day again. All our pups are having fun playing in the snow. I'm no longer cleaning poo and they are living great in the dog house that DH finally insulated and put straw and blankets on the floor for them. He also covered the front so the wind couldnt' get to them and they can still get out when they want to.
BB, WTG on the scale moving down. I knew you could do it. Sometimes it just takes making simple changes to get it moving again.
Have you all heard of the site called Hot or Not? Where you rank people on a 1-10 scale if they are hot or not. LOL, my son put his pic on there and scored a 9.9 with about a 1000 viewers. I said, "well, you get your good looks from your mom". So, unbeknownst to me, he put my pic on there. I scored an 8.5. So he's bragging he's hotter than me. LOL, I'm 46 and he's 21. ****, I'm happy with 8.5 , I figured I'd get a negative 2.
It doesn't always happen, but often times I've noticed a "mean girls" mentality that's just shocking even in grown women.
)
Barb
Hit the spot, and I managed thru the rest of the evening just fine.
Sometimes you'd just like to smack them up side the head with a big ole 2x4!!! 
