[HappyinBG]

Hi there Candidcamster! I understand your frustration as I am seriously frustrated as well. The weight that is sooo much fun putting on is a real "B" to get off. My hubby and I were both doing so well with watching our diet and hitting the gym. Then suddenly we weren't. And the weight creeps back on.

I applaud your decision to remove dairy from your diet. I would love to make that kind of commitment, but it is a series of teeny tiny baby steps for that to work for me. I have cut WAY back on meat, so for me, it's a win.

I enjoy reading your updates and just want to add - for all of us- KEEP YOUR EYE'S ON THE PRIZE!!

Deb

[Candidcamster]

Hi HappyinBG! Thank you for your reply, yeah some of the regain was "fun/liberating" in a weird way, but if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't! lol I've spent so much money, at least hundreds of dollars buying binge/junk food, over the past several months, it kind of makes me sick thinking about that waste and the subsequent pain, shame and doubt that followed. Either way, I definitely take ownership of every last one of my regained pounds, I was there, I witnessed the crazy out of control food binges. *shudders*
Anyhow, speaking of wasted junk food money, I bought myself a new shirt, I want to show a picture of myself wearing it, but in these pictures (I weighed about 212) I am 25 lbs. heavier now than I was when these were taken (these are from late November/2015 *my glory days lol*, I should have bought the shirt then, because it sold out quickly, I was left to find it online which I did). I don't know the size of the shirt I'm wearing in the pics like a medium or large, but I went ahead and spent nearly $30 buying this shirt in a medium (the largest size available on the site) that reads "Hashtag Blessed" which is a lot for me, but I wanted it, I earned it, and for all the money I wasted on junk food it is a bargain!
I won't try to wear it for another 20 or so pounds probably, but I'll see how tight it is when it arrives. In the meantime I came in at 237.3 lbs. today, which is a little bit down for me, I'm heading to MI and IL in about 2 1/2 weeks and I'm hoping to be 8 lbs. down in that time (am I nuts? A little bit ) I just want to be back in the 220's before seeing my loved ones. or pretty darn close. I've been back on track for at least a couple of days, I've had 790 calories so far, going grocery shopping tonight I hope to stick to plan, and that's pretty much it. Thank you for reading, and I'll update soon. Even though I weighed in today, my official weigh in day is Wednesday.

[VickieLou]

CandidCamster Good Luck with Your weight loss before vacation! The shirt can be an incentive to lose weight.

[Chunkahlunkah]

Candid - You look absolutely adorable in those pics.

Your self-awareness and commitment are going to get you where you want to be.

[Candidcamster]

Sorry for the delay, but just stopping by to say hey to VickieLou & Chunkahlunkah, I will update later tonight! <3

[keepnsane]

hey, hope to be counting calories again starting tomorrow. Today...well, I can't count that high! My weight has been fluctuating, lose 5 gain 5 repeat. Also, one day I set out to be low carb, the next day not so much...so I hope by calorie counting I can at least get something consistent

235/235/135

[Candidcamster]

Hiya Keepnsane, wishing you great fortune on your journey! <3 About me, wow you guys so much has happened, bad, and now good. My mom's birthday was this weekend, I was already doing poorly prior to her birthday, but then I said "Ok I'll get back on track after her b-day" because we wanted to go out to dinner, etc. well a few days ago my weight was 237.3 lbs. and now I came in at 244.7 lbs. I believe this is my absolute highest in about a year and a half, something like that. I'm not pouting, because some bad/good happened to me last night- I had a stressful encounter w/someone and it caused my blood pressure to rise I believe, because I had that adrenaline rush, and it was unpleasant. From there, I started feeling weird in my chest, like something might be wrong (I know the obvious thing is go to a doctor, I will...eventually lol) but I digress, it scared the crap out of me. Do I think this would have happened a year ago? Probably not, I was a much healthier person back then, and treating my body better, and occasionally getting exercise, which I now do extremely rarely. I'm someone that responds to fear better than the desire to merely be happier, sad but true, that is what started me on this journey. So while it's scary to think I could have cardiovascular issues, I want to let this be an opportunity for me to save my own life, again.

On a similar note, I have a friend who is dealing with complications from diabetes, he's also being inspired by his health issues to take better care of himself. It sucks that sometimes we have to "hit rock bottom to climb our way up" but that is the way the cookie crumbles, no cookies! lol
All kidding aside, I've been on track today, and I plan to stay on track until my trip out of town. I am also adopting my plant-based diet a little earlier than anticipated starting today. I have some chocolate coconut milk ice cream & walnuts that I will put off until tomorrow. Right now I just want to nourish my body and do right by it. I have truly been so blessed, and I will keep moving forward, that I promise God, you and myself. I've received so much love & support from this community, I don't know where I would be without you <3 <3 thank you so much!

Lastly my food for the day was -
Sweet Potato large (leftover from Logan's Roadhouse last night, with only cinnamon added)
Banana + 1/4 cup of walnuts (tastes like banana nut bread, I love it)
2 Smart Deli hot dogs (vegan and only 50 calories per dog, some people aren't fans, but I love this, I cooked them in the oven wrapped in the same foil that my baked sweet potato came in lol)
Ketchup w/the hot dogs and 2 slices of Dave's Killer bread (each slice is 70 calories each)
For a grand total of 773 calories so far
There's still dinner and snack, I will be eating at home & I want to pick up a few things from Trader Joe's, I love Whole Foods, but I'll skip them tonight because I famously can't behave myself in that store lol, too many temptations.

Oh I left something out - I am going out of town as mentioned, I'll be spending time w/my ex-boyfriend (I plan to make him take loads of new pictures with me lol) and dining out at some of our favorite haunts which are Bob Evans, Bill's Toasty a little diner in the small town we used to live in, Pizza Hut, and this place called Freddy's Frozen Custard and Steakburgers, while I haven't been a meat eater in almost 10 years, I have engaged in eggs and dairy (particularly cheese and ice cream) in that time, and embarrassingly I have to admit I will during this vacation as a bonding experience for us. So I am plant-based now for the week or so before I leave, then when I return home I will be excuse free to continue a non-plant-based diet, so I will dedicate myself to this plant-based journey. I am a little concerned about my eating while there, but I will do my best not to gain more than 3-5 lbs. *yikes* on this much needed vacation & catchup. Thank you for reading, ttys! <3

Lovely quotes to tide us over as we work to resist the urge to kill ourselves with junk food:
"Nothing comes to a sleeper, but a dream." - Funky Dineva

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams." - Henry David Thoreau
When you really truly are able to believe in yourself, and when you are also able to believe how anything you do may be possible if you are willing to rely on God and his promises, you will be fully able to go confidently in the direction of the dreams in your heart.

To be confident enough to start to travel in the direction of your dreams you have to be willing to forget what everyone else may say, and you may at times have to go against old, settled ideologies of how success should be obtained.

We at some point have to realize that even though we have plans, God has bigger plans, and sometimes there will be closed doors. But these closed doors aren't there to take us away from our dreams, these doors are there so that we can be lead to open doors and maybe even surpass just achieving our biggest goals and dreams! <<<taken from search quotes dot com

"I'm okay today. I'll be okay tomorrow. And the next day after that I'll still be okay. But in a year you will see me, I'll be amazing." - Leila (a woman from the search quotes website)

‘You have to start living the life of the person you want to be.’

Bobbie Barrett says this to Peggy Olson in “The New Girl,” season two, episode five, when she stays at Peggy’s Brooklyn apartment after she is in a bad car crash with Don. Bobby keeps Peggy asking why she is so kind, and doing so much for her and Don, she interpreted it as love or that Peggy was trying to get ahead at work by doing Don a favor. Bobby says that she needs to start treating Don as an equal if she wants to garner respect personally and professionally. (taken originally from Mad Men on AMC, but I nicked this text from Forbes dot com)

Calories for the day - 2,011 (below maintenance, my new calorie goal is 1,770 and I was 241 over.)

[Candidcamster]

Hey everyone, so yesterday went well , and I am certain today will as well. So far my calories have been 1,560, I plan to eat 320 more for dinner.

I had -
Gardein Meatless Meatloaf w/gravy packet (the meatloaf is DELICIOUS and you get 2 nice size pieces for 210 calories and the gravy packet is only about 20 calories), frozen mashed potatoes from Trader Joe's (these are delicious, they are vegetarian but NOT vegan as they have butter and/or cream in them) you get 8 frozen potato balls for only 90 calories.

Calories for the day 1,811 a good day, 242.8 lbs. Let's work on lowering that number.

[Candidcamster]

Hey everyone, my calories so far were 1,331 calories, I plan to have 480 calories more before the night is over, which will be 1,811. My weigh in today was 240.4 lbs., too high but it's going down thankfully. I am currently trying to lose 10% of my body weight, which is 24 pounds and minus the 4 I just lost will be 20 more lbs. to go which will take me down to 220 lbs. Not sure when I will hit this, but I am taking it one day at a time. I love this quote that I found the other day, it speaks to my heart -

"I'm okay today. I'll be okay tomorrow. And the next day after that I'll still be okay. But in a year you will see me, I'll be amazing." - Leila (a woman from the search quotes website)

[Candidcamster]

August/26/2016

Calories for the day - 1,870
Weigh in - 239.1
Current goal weight - 220 lbs. (my 10% from 244.7, which is approximately 24 lbs.)
pounds to go - 19
Deadline - none just working on being healthier, and feeling better .

To my regainers (and even those who haven't began your journey yet), I've been thinking for awhile about my motivation to start and stay going on this journey, and the truth is we all have things we will and won't accept. I accepted my weight climbing to 350 lbs., it would have probably have been worse if it weren't for 2 major things -
1. I have PCOS and years ago when I weighed in the 330's and higher it caused me a non-stop period. I had to go on birth control which nearly killed me, no exaggeration (for this reason I was warned to never take hormones again) to stop my period, and while that helped the real solution was to lose some weight (around 10 lbs.), which for some of us with this condition weight loss can be extremely difficult. On the bright side I haven't had the non-stop bleeding issue since around summer of 2011 *woohoo*. Vitex/Chasteberry also helped, it's a herbal supplement, to those with PCOS do your research on it, I haven't taken it in a long time but I plan to start using it again just to help me especially when I am ready to grow a family.

2. Also in the year 2011, I discovered Torrid clothes and realized that being fat didn't mean I couldn't be pretty, and dress fashionably. Torrid helped improve my self-esteem so much, I will forever be grateful to them. While most other major stores (Walmart, Target, etc.) were offering ugly shapeless clothes with tacky patterns and unflattering cuts (yes even Lane Bryant, unless you were willing to spend big bucks for their more flattering and youthful apparel), Torrid was offering clothes that made me feel like a "normal girly-girl who cares how she looks and happens to weigh over 300 lbs.", and I think that was important for my self-confidence.
I want to include some pictures taken of me during my 300's some years ago, not to criticize myself for where I was, but to celebrate it, and yet never relive it lol. Now how fashion influenced me was that I took more pride in how I looked, and

I say all of this to say, that we all have our "breaking point" back then mine was my health, and kind of inadvertently due to my love of fashion (I didn't diet to look "cute" clothes, but me feeling better about myself I think made my binging slow down naturally). I've been waiting for my true "breaking point" now that would lead to change, and I found it, my potential cardiovascular issues, not being able to fit into many of my clothes, hating what I see in the mirror often (when you get used to your body looking a certain way, and you see it expanding it gives your self-esteem a thumping, I feel like my curves have been swallowed up by fat again), and other things that elude me at the moment. So for me 244.7 lbs. became my new "breaking point", also I have difficulty seeing myself starting the process of weight loss allover again if I let this go on much longer, like instead of 35 lbs. up, try 60 lbs. up, not that I wouldn't because I don't know and don't want to find out.

I have to go for a little bit but I want to finish this post later, to add a few wise words from a girl on Youtube that I follow named Clusie L she lost 170+ lbs. after having VSG surgery, and did a video explaining why she chose surgery at that time in her life. I highly recommend it regardless of if you're exploring surgery or not. At this time I am not, and would like to keep it that why by succeeding with a healthier lifestyle. ttys <3

[VickieLou]

CandidCamster to You. We Can Do This. I have re-gained 25.4 LBS. But time to get back on my plan, which I have been off since March.

[Candidcamster]

Thank you VickieLou, yes we can, and we will.
Calories for the day (8/27/2016) - 1,872
Weigh in - 238.5 lbs.
Pounds down so far - 6.2 lbs.
Pounds to go to reach goal (10% of my starting body weight of 244.7 lbs. = 24 lbs. approximately) - 18 lbs. to go

[Candidcamster]

Hi everyone, this is my log for 8/28/16-
Calories for the day: around 2,100 (that's about maintenance for me, it was a hard day but I am proud of how I handled it. The desire to severely overeat was upon me, and I stood up against and won.
Weigh in: 237.1
Pounds down: 7.6
Pounds to go: 17 lbs. to reach 220 my first goal.

[Candidcamster]

Hi everyone, this is my log for 8/29/16-
Calories for the day: 2,260 *ack* I caved in and ate 3 nutritional bars I'd purchased between last night (Mamma Chia Chocolate peanut bar, not very yummy imo, but I am a sucker for most chocolate sweets *sighs* and some Food Should Taste Good Macadamia Chai bars that came with my amazon subscribe and save), I also went back for another Mamma Chia bar (had a big bite but threw out the rest to save myself from it), and most scandalous of all was my going back for more ice cream with 1/4 cup walnuts). The sugar cravings were strong with this one today.
Weigh in: 234.5 (thank God, but still a good ways to go)
Pounds down: 10.2
Pounds to go: 14 lbs. to go
I am also adding my BMI number: 39.1 my goal is a BMI of 29.1 (175 lbs. = Overweight from Morbidly Obese)

[Candidcamster]

I'm on vacation, not watching my eating will report when I get home.