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Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss Including discussions about excess skin and reconstructive surgery

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Old 01-26-2017, 12:21 PM   #1
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Default Dating and afraid of regaining

So I have lost alot of weight and was maintaining. Then I got into a relationship. I really like him. But from the start I have had this fear that I would regain the weight back.
He started taking me out to eat or bringing me food after work. I think he feels like the guy should take the girl out...and feed her. Lol
My dad has always been on to me about my weight when I was little and my mom has told me a few times that my dad has said that this guy is going to make me regain my weight and then he won't want me after that.
I guess that is a weird thing to say when your daughter met a great guy? But my dad isn't the nicest.
So from the beginning I have been afraid of regaining the weight and I did gain about 10-15 pounds this year.
Its tough balancing things. Like I want to spend time with him but also need to exercise. I want to go out to eat with him or stay home and make cookies and watch tv with him...but I also shouldn't be eating those sweets.

Can anyone relate?
And when I tell him why I can't eat XX or need to exercise he says I look beautiful the way I am.
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Old 01-27-2017, 11:12 AM   #2
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Well some men don't care about how overweight their women are. But I can tell you that at some point, being overweight is going to interfere with your relationship. Either on your side, you are not feeling attractive/sexy anymore, or on his side, he might not be attracted to you anymore as time goes on. He might say that at first it doesn't matter how much weight, because you guys are still in the infatuation part of the relationship, but as time goes on, as the newness of the relationship wears off, he might not be feeling what he feels right now anymore.

You have to put yourself first. If you want to exercise, go do it. Don't worry about spending time with him. You can do that after you are done exercising. He might be the needy type, and believe me needy guys will suck all your precious time away from you. You need to concentrate on yourself first. Worry about him second. You are only up 10-15 pounds, you better catch that early before it becomes a major re-gain, then it will be much harder to lose.

You can still love someone but not be attracted to them anymore. And not being attracted does take a toll on the relationship, especially if one partner is caring about their appearance, and the other is not.

There is a difference between meeting your partner when you know they are already overweight, and putting on 100 pounds after you meet.

Being overweight can affect not only one's appearance, but also one's behavior. One can become lazy and not have motivation to do things anymore, lacking self respect. And that could become a turn off to one's partner, even if they love them, causing a strain in the relationship.

Last edited by stronggal; 01-27-2017 at 01:10 PM.
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Old 01-27-2017, 12:39 PM   #3
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Your parents sound like they interfere in your life too much. Are you still living with them? Many of us here inherited psychological weight issues from our parents, and have had to learn to stop the conversation when they start talking about it.

As for the relationship, talk to him about how you can enjoy food together in a way that doesn't cause you stress or make you gain weight. Options include eating out less often and pursuing different activities, finding different places to eat, going for lighter meals such as lunch. You can still enjoy baking at home if you make a special occasion of it rather than a regular thing. You can also enjoy cooking healthier meals together, exploring new cuisines. Hopefully you have enough free time to see him and also exercise, even if you need to do some careful scheduling.

I disagree that being overweight is bound to affect a relationship. Having negative thoughts about your weight, or your partner's weight, is what does the damage. If you think you're too unattractive, that'll cause you to be inhibited and miserable, which are bad for both you and the relationship. And a partner who says, "I'm not really as attracted to you now that you've put on weight," is someone who is not good to be in a relationship with! Anyone worth their salt loves you regardless of whether your body shape changes.
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Old 01-30-2017, 09:48 AM   #4
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Relationship weight sucks, I know first hand, I've probably gained around 50 pounds over the 6 years I've been dating my fiancÚ.(not saying its the relationships fault but like you we'd go out and he's not particularly healthy either (he also gained weight))

I suggest that you really work at it now while its only 10/15 pounds cause trying to lose more is harder and it is about the attitude, my fiancÚ loves me no matter what and he still finds me sexy at 233 pounds (I don't know how I look terrible naked) but I don't feel sexy and that effects our relationship because I feel insecure and don't want him to see me naked and it makes me feel incredible guilty that I'm not skinny enough for him, even though he reassures that I am beautiful... in short lose the weight when its not that much, you'll thank yourself later.
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Old 02-01-2017, 10:13 AM   #5
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He says that looks don't matter so he will always be attracted to me not to worry.

I live partly with my parents and partly stay at his place. My dad is just weird. I am closer to my mom. My dad only talks to me when he wants to know stuff about my relationship...hes always been on to me about my weight when I was growing up.
He never met my first bf but when we broke up he said it was because I weighed more than my bf. Which wasn't totally true because my first bf had a weight problem too and my dad only saw pictures of him when he was thinner.
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