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flowergarden 01-23-2014 03:31 PM

100 lost, 60 to go, stuck emotionally
 
Hello, all.
I have lost 100 pounds in the past year, and have 60 to go. I am at a plateau in my weight loss, and believe it is due to my great ambivalence about getter thinner. If you have lost weight, you probably have some experience of what it is like to suddenly come out from behind a curtain of invisibility and suddenly people you barely know feel entitled to comment about your appearance!
What have people who have successfully lost done to help themselves get through this? I believe issues from my past (abuse) have made me especially sensitive to this, but I am determined not to let my head get in the way of getting my body to a healthy weight!
I'm 50 and have not ever had any relationship experience, and it scares me to think that I would have to deal with men looking at me more. I've talked about this with my therapist - a wonderful man, who has never had a weight problem - and he understands, and is helpful. But on some level, he just doesn't get it. I feel like I need remedial dating/boyfriend school at 50!
I have decided that I need to just lose this weight differently - very slowly, to let myself adjust, but wondered if people have suggestions - thoughts - advice - comments.
I am scared too that I will regain the weight I have already lost, because I am at such a standstill. I suppose this is no different than any other woman in this society has to deal with - objectification by some, not all, men -- but I feel so unprepared to deal with ANY attention.
Thanks for listening.

OK Lizzy 01-23-2014 06:35 PM

I am curious -- do you perceive yourself differently than before you lost weight? Are you enjoying shopping for clothes and going places? Do you think you have more self-confidence? I feel like I am invisible -- and have been for the last ten years, as I gained 70 pounds (and lost a few). I honestly don't think people even see me. But is it because I TRY to remain in the background? Or am I in the background because that's where I belong? OK, this is getting too deep for my brain at this time, lol.

flowergarden 01-23-2014 07:37 PM

I don't really feel that different. I'm still me, 100 pounds lighter, but I think since I still perceive myself as fat, I actually don't feel any different. I can get around a bit easier, maybe, and be more active, but that's it. I'm actually surprsied in some ways that so many people have commented on my weight loss. I was so used to carrying the extra weight, that it didn't really register - either before or after I lost it.

But NOW? Now I'm getting to the point where I'm going to move from being really fat to just on the heavy side, and that's tough. Scary. Visible, even. Yikes.

I am sorry that people have treated you as though you were invisible. I don't know if it's something about your own perception of yourself. But I can say without any hesitation that you are beautiful no matter where you are, weightwise! We all are - it's just a matter of accepting that even when others can be cruel about appearances.

Peace.

AwShucks 02-01-2014 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flowergarden (Post 4926876)
I don't really feel that different. I'm still me, 100 pounds lighter, but I think since I still perceive myself as fat, I actually don't feel any different. I can get around a bit easier, maybe, and be more active, but that's it. I'm actually surprsied in some ways that so many people have commented on my weight loss. I was so used to carrying the extra weight, that it didn't really register - either before or after I lost it.

But NOW? Now I'm getting to the point where I'm going to move from being really fat to just on the heavy side, and that's tough. Scary. Visible, even. Yikes.

Oh my gosh! I feel the SAME way! I've lost just over 100 lbs, and I can't seem to go any farther -- still want to lose 60 lbs. Yes! It's scary to be noticed -- although, I've maintained for about a year, so people I see frequently don't really "notice" any more. That's kind of a let down, even though the attention bothered me at first -- who knew I'd miss it?

I, too, am inexperienced with men -- being overweight since 2nd grade, I missed dating in high school and college, and immediately became a workaholic upon graduation, so I've had only a handful of dates -- all uneventful. I fell for one guy who turned out to be married -- what a way to turn someone off men! Seems like it's not worth the trouble, right?

I think that somehow I sabotage myself when I get in this weight range because getting any lower is new territory. What will it be like? Can I handle it? Once before, I got down to 200lbs, and got so anxious about attention from guys at church that I would immediately go home and eat. I never did learn how to handle it -- I slowly regained over time, and the attention stopped (imagine that!) Forgot to add that I'm just a few years behind you in age.

We need a support group for gals like us. What do you think?

SlimmerBySummer 02-01-2014 11:57 PM

Maybe you should try affirmations.

mandymercier 03-14-2014 11:30 PM

Agree with the above comment. Affirmations are great. Write affirmations, listen to affirmations, fall asleep to a recording of affirmations.


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