Okay, I'm still over 300 lbs. But only just...I'm a big woman. I don't have a problem with that any more. (Yeah for me!) I've been working on it from a variety of directions and I'm so happy with myself.
When I put on my knit column dress with elbow-length sleeves, from straight in front, I look good. From straight in the back, I look pretty good. Large but very shapely. When I turn sideways, I can see my good posture and my dress hangs nicely over my perky backside (which used to be my largest feature).
It's the front profile that bothers me.
I have A LOT of belly overhang from my belly button down. And I think I'd even be okay with this, but I have this pad of fat that sits in my midsection, from half way between breasts to my belly button. It's like a hump of fat. When I tighten my abs, it loosens up that fat pad and I can really grab a handful of loose fat. I hate it! It totally messes with the smoothness of my silhouette. It's there even when I put on a Spanks or other similar garment. There seems to be nothing I can wear to hide it. If I put on a top that is knotted at the breast and flows over my belly, I look like I'm a middle-aged pregnant woman.
This feels like more than subcutaneous fat, though. It feels like there is a lot of visceral fat under my muscles that doesn't want to budge from in there. I've been following the general diet advice for getting rid of visceral fat, but I lose everywhere BUT that belly fat in front.
I did some reading about surgical ways to get rid of it. I can have lipo for the subcutaneous fat, but not the visceral fat. And fat lost from lipo seems to come back as visceral fat. Don't want that!
Dealing with this belly fat is holding me back, emotionally. I won't date until it's gone. I hold myself back from being myself fully. I can be having a perfectly wonderful day, feeling great and feeling pretty, but then catch a glimpse of the belly bump and lose all my self-confidence. Like I don't deserve it at all.
I hate the belly bump! HATE IT! I wish it was a tumor or a hernia so that I could have it surgically dealt with, but it's not. I already checked.
Hate it!