After I began my lifestyle changes in 2010 and lost weight from 191 down to 150 by the end of that year, I felt great. My actual highest weight during my early 40s was 230. But this last (and FINAL, I won't go back) journey started at 191. I never made it to my original goal of 140, but 150 wasn't too bad. After wearing plus sizes for so long, I felt like an absolute waif at 150. I literally felt tiny.
After my initial loss, I evened out and didn't keep losing. I have struggled with a 4 to 8 pound gain since then. This morning my scale said 157.
Here is the issue: Lately I have started seeing myself as "huge" and "uncomfortable" and "thick" again. I know in my heart I look nothing like I did when I was 191. When I went to buy clothing after my initial loss, I was so pleased with how I looked when I put almost any piece of clothing on my body. Now it is almost the opposite. Sometimes it is the style or cut that isn't flattering, but most things I've tried lately just don't seem to look good on me and I get so discouraged.
I realize now that I am experiencing menopause that my body is making changes and shifting around. I've come to realize that I'll never look "cute" again. Some of the choices I make in my clothing are probably also suited to a younger woman and I've tried to start buying things that don't look foolish on a 51-year-old woman. But I still like cute things.
I'm not vain in any sense, and I really don't care what others think as long as I feel good with what I'm wearing. But I do want to feel that I look good.
I really hate that my body image is so bad right now. It does help to look at old pics of myself when I was larger and then see one from recently. I feel healthier and I AM healthier. I just want to feel confident.
Has anyone else struggled with these issues?