Ugh, I almost feel bad for posting this, but I know reading other people's rants has been cathartic for me, so maybe writing one will too.
I'm just so frustrated by my calves
I went shopping today and tried on several dresses and skirts. I'm at the point that I think I look pretty awesome in a some clothes and I was able to find things I liked, which is amazing. But the second I looked past where the dresses stopped I got sad and frustrated again. I still carry a decent amount of weight in my calves (15.5 in circumference and I can pinch a good amount of fat in the area between my ankle and calf muscle) and I'm so self-conscious about them
I know a big part of this is just a mental block, and I don't think negative things about other women's bodies, but I guess I assume the worst about what others are thinking. For example, we talk about working-out at work a decent amount, and one of the men asked me what I do a while ago. When I mentioned that I'm getting into lifting heavy he said something to the effect of not being surprised because of my calves (which he's only seen through straight leg jeans). I know he didn't mean anything bad by it and he thought that they must be muscular, but I know they aren't. I remember getting that sort of comment when I was younger and was about this weight, so I know that at least some people notice their size. I guess I just never want to give people the opportunity to actually see them and show that they aren't mostly muscle. On the other hand, I hate that I'm avoiding things that I like/enjoy (knee length dresses) over something that seems so trivial. I mean, I feel like I should be able to say "who care's what they think!" but I do care and I know that I would be uncomfortable showing my calves in public right now.
I'm hoping that they will lean out some more with exercise and losing the last little bit of weight (they've already gone down from 16 in over the last 5 or so pounds), but I'm still a little disappointed in myself that I feel like I need to wait.