THIS COULD BE A BIT TRIGGERING, READ WITH CAUTION.
I DO NOT ENDORSE ANOREXIC OR BULIMIC BEHAVIORS SO DON'T BE TAKING "TIPS" FROM HERE!
I used to partake in anorexic and bulimic behaviors, but have never been diagnosed.
However, no matter how many time I try to convince myself that
it is unhealthy and looks horrible to have bones poking out everywhere,
I still have the desire to be 75 pounds. It is a sick obsession.
I am no longer partaking in anorexic or bulimic behaviors,
but I still have the anorexic mindset.
I am worthless when fat.
100 pounds is fat.
Any size over a Childs 10 is fat.
Bones are beautiful.
I know none of that is true, but it still resounds in my head.
When I look in the mirror, I do not think,
"Hm, I am overweight, I should exercise more."
Nope. I think,
"Goddman you fat slag! How could you do that to yourself! Go get a knife and cut the fat off."
I don't know how to ignore the voices any better than i'm doing now,
I haven't self starved or purged in over 2 and 1/2 years,
but my extreme weight gain (i gained 100 pounds in 18 months)
has made the barely-buried ED thoughts rise to the surface.
Is anyone else here Eating Disordered, especially recovered?
I really want to find people who have these same disordered issues,
but the Eating Disorder Guild i'm a part of on another site
is not active, it takes months just to get a reply from a thread I make.
This picture explains how I feel.