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Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss Including discussions about excess skin and reconstructive surgery

My age-old problems. I need another kick in the butt, please.

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Old 12-11-2012, 08:00 PM   #1
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Default My age-old problems. I need another kick in the butt, please.

My mom and I just got in a fight, and I really feel bad because well... she's right.

I've been looking at my body lately. I definitely still have weight to lose, but the majority of the problem areas on my body are skin, not fat. I know I haven't been going to the gym as much as I should have over this year, and it kind of makes me feel like a failure. Like I only lost the weight, but I still look like crap. And I know that if I had gone to the gym and lifted weights and done all the things you're SUPPOSED to, I'd probably look a lot better right now. But I didn't and I don't, and now I have all this loose skin and I don't know how to fix it.

I've been trying to get back into going to the gym but it just seems so overwhelming; how much exercise do I have to do to get what I want? I don't want to be a slave to dieting and exercise. I'm not a fitness buff. I don't want to spend hours at the gym trying to achieve a goal that I don't even know if I can achieve. The only alternative I know of is to get plastic surgery, and I don't have money for that either.

I talk to my mom about this all the time, and she tells me all the same stuff you guys have. "You have to go to the gym, you have to firm up your body, you have to do this stuff or you're not going to achieve your goals." And I have a really bad habit of complaining and not fixing what I'm complaining about, but it's mostly cause I'm scared that no matter how hard I work, I still won't get to where I want to be. It's not like studying for a test or saving money for a trip, it's trying to achieve a body I may never be able to achieve. I'm scared that no matter what I do, I won't be happy.

She doesn't know how to fix that, and neither do I. And I don't know what to do. And I feel really bad that I hurt her feelings -- she wants to help me but she knows she can't, and she knows my "demon" is only myself. I am my own worst enemy.

So if somebody could please kick me in the *** or slap me across the face or do something... anything. Even if it's just "Shut up and go to the gym and quit your whining", I need it. Thanks.
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Old 12-11-2012, 08:32 PM   #2
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Definitely sounds a little dramatic . You know very well you don't need to spend hours upon hours each week in the gym. You're right there's no guarantee you will look perfect (well I can guarantee you won't actually), but you will come out the other end more fit, stronger, and no doubt looking better than if you hadnt. I understand venting, and I understand being dissatisfied for see I'm definitely there right now wishing I'd have been more consistent all of these months. There's always time to fix that though! So start tomorrow. And you're right about the complaining but no taking the steps to fix it. You gotta do the work girl (I do too!!!). So lets do it!!!
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Old 12-11-2012, 09:10 PM   #3
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Sorry sweetie, I know this is tough. Just last night I was having some body image issues, and I'm generally very content with how I look and how things have tightened up. But it happens to the best of us.

If you're set on using the gym, do it for half an hour per visit. But make that half hour COUNT. Hard weights, target heart range the entire time, or interval training at a fairly brisk tempo.

But for me, I have still gotten more results from my little TTap Basic Plus Workout DVD, in fifteen minutes a day, four to five days a week. It tightens skin and builds muscle in a dramatically short period of time. Inches and inches gone, even when the scale doesn't budge. For my money, a one-time DVD spend and a quarter of an hour in the evenings makes MUCH more sense than the gym. And it is so much easier to talk myself into committing to such a short period of my day. It takes longer to brush my teeth/wash my face/braid my hair each night!

I don't know what kick in the butt you need, but losing two pants sizes and gaining three pounds was enough to have me convinced for life. My body looked better just two months into doing this, and the scale had nothing to do with it.
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Old 12-11-2012, 09:16 PM   #4
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Okay, mimsy! Maybe this would be better?
YOU ARE SOOOO CLOSE TO YOUR GOAL?!! What are you afraid of? Afraid you won't like what you see? That people will see you differently? It's time to stop being a hinerance to yourself.

Are you doing any strength training? That DOES help with loose skin. Cause if your muscles are toned the do have some bulk to them, but do not fear. Women do not get bulky in the way men do, unless you REALLY, REALLY overdo it or take steroids.

Get out of your own way! Some of us would KILL to be where you are in your journey...me included. No more talk that destroys yourself. You konw what you need to do, DO IT! We know you can. We know what a struggle it can be. And we are all behind you!! Go to it!!
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Old 12-11-2012, 09:41 PM   #5
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I had a start at strength training; I've had several starts to strength training, lol. I always fall off the wagon with it. I always feel like I'm not doing things right or if I'm lifting the right amount of weight or if I'm upping my weight too soon or not soon enough. It's too much of a mind game for me, although I'm probably making it out to be a lot harder than it is.

I actually went to the gym right after I posted this; I just got home. I actually made my mom cry with that argument, and that made me really sad. And I was sitting on the couch thinking about it and I was actually about to go smoke my mood away. And then I looked at the clock, saw it was only 8, and was like "The gym doesn't close until 10; I can either sit here and mope about this, or I can go run it away on the treadmill!" So I did, and I stayed for 30 minutes and jogged for at least 20 of them. And I actually feel a lot better now.

And even then, on the way home, I was like, "Who am I kidding? That was just 30 minutes; I could do that every day!" So maybe that was enough of an emotional kick in the butt to get me motivated. I actually have found that I like running as opposed to being on the elliptical; it gets my heart rate up more and I feel SO much better afterward. I think that's also why I don't like strength training as much -- I just feel tired and useless afterward -- running makes me feel like I could conquer the world. So IDK -- how do y'all make strength training feel like you could conquer the world? Lol
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Old 12-11-2012, 09:46 PM   #6
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And yes, I am extremely afraid that I won't like the end result. I don't necessarily want to look like an athlete, but I just want to be 140lbs and LOOK like it and not be sloppy looking.
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Old 12-11-2012, 10:09 PM   #7
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i get asked how i lost weight all the time, i get asked why i do so much yoga, and i get asked for advice on how to keep going, so here's the advice to the last question.

you either do it, or you don't. it's as simple as that.

you either want it, or you don't.

when you do realize that you want it? you'll realize it's worth the blood, sweat, and tears.

here's the thing. find an exercise that you like, and spend time doing it. set yourself a little goal- you like running? so when you can run X (whatever your goal is) your reward is a new piece of gear. tight on money? new running headband, can be extremely cheap. this worked for me. why? when i started practicing, i started slimming out and dropped some money on an outfit from lululemon that was sport-specific (as in i couldn't wear it anywhere else). this meant i had to keep practicing . yaknowwhatimean??


another little incentive? i weigh 180 lbs on a fat day, i have 29 inch waist, and wear size 8 jeans. in tops, i wear anywhere from an sm, to a med (med on a fat day). this would not have happened without exercise.
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Old 12-11-2012, 10:21 PM   #8
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Do keep in mind that you are also losing weight for your health (I guess!) and not only how you look. Keep on going...
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Old 12-11-2012, 10:53 PM   #9
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The skin thing is soooo tricky. It is partly genetics, total weight gain, lost, how long it took to lose, toning, muscle mass, etc.

There is no magic answer, and a lot of skinny Minnie's I know are still unhappy with skin issues! Your mom may be right to a degree, but maybe she also has u realistic expectations. A you need to hit the gym more...we all do! You are normal, and now would be a great time to get back into exercising. I have chronic health issues, and I can't workout like I used to. There will always be "something".

Set a REASONABLE schedule and don't overdo it.
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Old 12-11-2012, 11:04 PM   #10
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I can understand why you're fearful of not liking your body if you workout but why didn't you have this fear with monitoring your food intake? You could have told yourself not to diet, since you might not like the result. I'm pretty sure you like your results so why don't you think you won't like your results from working out? I'm saying this all with kindness in my heart and not as a criticism....I just thought it would be another way of looking at your ambivalence or trepidation about working out.

I'm glad you like running! It's actually an excellent workout. Have you considered doing some classes at the gym? You might like something like Pilates, since it works your muscles and helps tighten up but is in a more structured setting, so that you have some guidance.

I hope you and your mom worked stuff out.

Oh and finally, I think maybe you can take some time to love your body, faults and all. Beauty comes in many ways but the media makes it seem like there's only one ideal perfection....but that's not reality. Only a very small percentage of women look lik that image but that doesn't mean we should walk around and loathe the skin we're in. Focus on your strength and all that your body can do. You can run! Think how many people can't run for a variety of reasons.
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Old 12-11-2012, 11:21 PM   #11
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Mimsy--I'm sorry! You of all people are so impressive with the way you set your goal and don't mess around!! That's just a Mom thing to give advice. But you are amazing!! Of course you'll keep on setting new goals. But there's nothing wrong--and maybe it's even very smart--to focus on one thing at a time so you don't overload yourself and burn out.
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Old 12-11-2012, 11:40 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luckymommy View Post
I can understand why you're fearful of not liking your body if you workout but why didn't you have this fear with monitoring your food intake? You could have told yourself not to diet, since you might not like the result. I'm pretty sure you like your results so why don't you think you won't like your results from working out? I'm saying this all with kindness in my heart and not as a criticism....I just thought it would be another way of looking at your ambivalence or trepidation about working out.

I'm glad you like running! It's actually an excellent workout. Have you considered doing some classes at the gym? You might like something like Pilates, since it works your muscles and helps tighten up but is in a more structured setting, so that you have some guidance.

I hope you and your mom worked stuff out.

Oh and finally, I think maybe you can take some time to love your body, faults and all. Beauty comes in many ways but the media makes it seem like there's only one ideal perfection....but that's not reality. Only a very small percentage of women look lik that image but that doesn't mean we should walk around and loathe the skin we're in. Focus on your strength and all that your body can do. You can run! Think how many people can't run for a variety of reasons.

Dieting came naturally to me; I never really had issues with binging or anything like that, I just ate too much any time I did eat. Food never was an enemy to me like exercising has been. Exercise has just never really appealed to me for many reasons. When I was younger, I got made fun of any time I tried to be active. Now I don't have that issue, but it's not so much that I won't like the result from working out; I'm scared that there won't be a result. I'm scared I'll still look flabby and gross -- just instead of fat causing it, it'll be loose skin. And on top of that, I'm in love with my couch. XD

I have thought about the classes at the gym, but I can't commit to being able to go on a regular basis due to my inconsistent work schedule. I wouldn't mind doing something like Pilates though and have thought about getting a DVD to use on days I don't feel like going to the gym.

My body issues are ...ugh. I want to feel attractive. The only things I like on my body right now are shoulders-up. The rest of it is a mess, and while I can cover it up with clothes and be confident that way, when the clothes come off I just feel like a mess again. I don't really care about having a perfect body, though; I would like a normal one. One that doesn't sag and droop in places before they should be sagging and drooping. I might would care less about this kind of stuff if I were about 20 years older, but right now I want to feel sexy and attractive and I really just don't. I feel like a mess that needs to be cleaned up, lol. That's not very nice!
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Old 12-12-2012, 05:14 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mimsyborogoves View Post
... And I know that if I had gone to the gym and lifted weights and done all the things you're SUPPOSED to, I'd probably look a lot better right now.
Yep, but you can't go back and change all the things you *should* have done. Heck if that were the case we could all go back and not gain weight in the first place! Don't dwell in the past.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mimsyborogoves View Post
... The only alternative I know of is to get plastic surgery, and I don't have money for that either.
That likely wouldn't help either. My BFF just had lipo done on her inner thighs to firm up some areas that she could never help due to loose skin/yo-yo dieting in her early 20's... and honestly it doesn't look much better. Each time she exercises the area gets swollen and retains water, and her surgeon said that it usually takes a full YEAR for that to stop happening. She spent a horrendous amount of money just to have no visible changes for at least a year.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mimsyborogoves View Post
... I talk to my mom about this all the time, and she tells me all the same stuff you guys have. "You have to go to the gym, you have to firm up your body, you have to do this stuff or you're not going to achieve your goals."

Quote:
Originally Posted by mimsyborogoves View Post
... And I have a really bad habit of complaining and not fixing what I'm complaining about, but it's mostly cause I'm scared that no matter how hard I work, I still won't get to where I want to be. It's not like studying for a test or saving money for a trip, it's trying to achieve a body I may never be able to achieve. I'm scared that no matter what I do, I won't be happy.
Are you happy now? Wouldn't you feel happier at least WORKING toward something?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mimsyborogoves View Post
... So if somebody could please kick me in the *** or slap me across the face or do something... anything. Even if it's just "Shut up and go to the gym and quit your whining"



Hey, YOU said it.

In all seriousness though, I'm a tough-love kind of girl. You know what you need to do. You can keep making excuses and posting whiny threads on 3FC looking for support and encouragement, but at the end of the day you're still unhappy with your body. You might not ever be 100% thrilled with what you see in the mirror but if you at least put in the effort to change things you might find that your self-confidence, which seems lacking quite honestly, improves.

Doing something good for yourself and actively taking the time to work toward your goals is a huge boost. If you only focus on the physical you miss out on all the benefits of exercise and weight training on your emotions as well.
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Old 12-12-2012, 10:48 AM   #14
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I don't follow a recommend program for strength training and I have definitely been doing lots of things "wrong" or "not heavy enough" or whatever.

But even just messing around and dropping dumbbells on my head has done wonders for my confidence and produced very visible results. And I can carry heavy things for my mom, which is a reward in and of itself. I lift for like 20 minutes 3 times a week - even the laziest person can muster that.

Stop making your mom cry!
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Old 12-12-2012, 10:56 AM   #15
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The beauty about weight training is that you don't have to do it all that much if you do it correctly (or ****, even if you don't). I go 3x a week in addition to the cardio I get, but I lift for 80-90 min TOTAL for the week.

But then again it depends on what you want. I LOOK athletic and I don't spend that much time lifting...we all know it's more about diet anyway.

Even though I lifted on the way down I STILL have loose skin. It's just going to be a fact because of how long I was heavy and how rapidly I gained the weight (and thus, killed my skin). I'm not 100% happy with my body—NOBODY is—but what I am happy about is what I can do. Lifting makes me feel amazing...and I wouldn't trade that feeling for anything
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