I've always fet huge. Like a linebacker.
 

Not sure if this is the right place since I've always felt this way, not just since weightloss...

I am 5'4. I currently weigh about 154 pounds, I've gained from my lowest weight.

I have always felt big.
And I was always somewhat big. I remember being 13 and wearing a size 13 and feeling like I was huge compared to my petite mother. I wore the same size as my mother until I outgrew it and maybe that added to my confusion?

As a kid, if I stood next to another girl my age- I just felt broad, huge and hulking.

I still do.
I have gained weight and lost a great deal of weight in my life and no matter what I weigh I feel the same.
I am quite a bit shorter and I know (from them telling me) that I weigh less than two of my closest friends.
I feel larger than them.


I sometimes feel as big as my husband who is 6ft tall and weighs around 225 pounds.
We just got our wedding pictures back and I think I look odd and much smaller than how I felt that day.

I just feel weird, and I'm so tired of feeling huge.
At this point huge= ugly in my head. It's so exhausting to always feel so large and out of place.

I would also like to mention that I think larger women are beautiful! If I see a tall woman I want to be her and I find plus size models so lovely because they're well proportioned.

It's almost like I don't just feel huge- I feel like a monster.

Well, first congratulations on losing nearly 50 lbs! Way to go!

I'm not sure what's driving your concerns. It almost sounds like a type of dysmorphia, which is concerning because that can lead to some issues like bulimia or anorexia.

Have you always felt this way, or only recently?

One of the things I do when I look at myself in the mirror is try to find something to like. I'm still obese so sometimes that's not that easy but I've found lately that I love my shoulders. They are leaning out first, it seems like, and so my shoulder muscles are starting to show up and I like that.

Perhaps you could try focusing on the things you like about your body instead of what you hate? Try to begin developing a stronger self-image?

I'll add my two cents, but I'm not in maintainance mode.

It's hard to let go of what you think you look like. You have to relearn how to see yourself and how to love yourself as you are. Maybe try some counseling, or like eagleRiverDee suggested, looking in the mirror and picking out a good feature.
You can break bad habits, you can change your internal dialogue.

Good luck!!!
Btw, you look fabulous