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Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss Including discussions about excess skin and reconstructive surgery

Depression over sagging?

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Old 05-04-2012, 11:17 AM   #1
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Default Depression over sagging?

Hello everyone, I'm new around here and was compelled to join just to quietly view your before/after/progress photos for inspirational boosts...
But these past few days, I've been noticeably depressed and it's over something incredibly stupid though I'm pretty sure the majority of us dealt with it at some point.
Within the span of a year or so, I lost about 80 or so lbs certainly not as impressive as a lot of you. I was actually disappointed with myself, as I'd been pushing myself pretty hard and had a set goal in mind (which was to be down a full 100lbs) so I overtrained and starved myself, only to hit a plateau. So I disregarded exercise as a whole for a while, I was working off a bummed knee anyway and all signs suggested I should take some time off. This turned into a long stint of eating whatever I felt like eating but not over indulging, which really didn't do me any favors. I went back up a couple pants sizes, but I'm once again on the decline.

I just figured I'd add a little back story here since I haven't got much of a profile.

my problem is, eventually I may need lipo or some sort of laser treatment to deal with unwanted scars and cellulite which aren't much of a big deal in comparison to getting breastwork done.
I hate my breasts, I really do. I dropped a full size and I think it's rather noticeable. The notion of surgery terrifies me and is way too expensive anyway, and a good bra can be deceptive enough on any day

But I've just been feeling especially lousy thinking of my boyfriend and how disgusted he'll be when he sees what's going on underneath. I've seen saggier beasts, mine have a few unnoticeable stretchmarks along their sides, but the fact that they could be worse doesn't make me feel much better. That probably makes me sound selfish and bratty, but I can't shake the feeling that my boyfriend deserves way better than some unappealing girl who didn't have enough brains to take care of herself and now he's gotta deal with this too. I've read your kind words in past threads and the support here is great, I just don't know what's going to change my mind or make me feel any better. I know that if he really loved me it wouldn't matter and to be honest, it probably doesn't. He probably won't even notice because intimacy isn't a beauty pageant or something like that, but this is just an awful feeling and I can't shake it worth anything.

Is anyone else in a similar boat?
It might be the fact that I'm 25 and still a virgin that this is so bothersome, men have said in the past that they really don't care about that stuff in the end. Battle scars, sagging, a bit of excess skin holds little relevancy with love if it's indeed love..and yet.

I read about a few supplements I could take to reduce how drastic it looks, or apply oils, things to expand the skin, but I've also read a lot of it getting written off as a ruse, and that the only thing that can help at all is surgery. I find that hard to believe, though I know there's not a miracle exercise I could do or any sort of tablet I could take to get defined and perky breasts, but any little bit of help would be appreciated.

I've got about 30-40 more pounds I want to lose, and I'm scared of what's going to happen. I always double up on sports bras when I do cardio, so I think that helps a bit?

I didn't mean to be so long-winded here, I apologize.
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Old 05-04-2012, 09:28 PM   #2
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When I was about your age (30 years ago), I lost 100+ pounds after having been heavy all my life. I had breast reduction surgery a few years later.
I was glad I got that surgery done and am still glad, even though I continued to struggle with my weight and eventually regained. And I know that the technique has improved a lot since I had it done, with less scarring, so it's worth considering. It may help with your self-esteem issues but - here's the important part - it won't fix anything but your breasts. You'll still have to do the hard work of addressing your relationship with food and finding a way to be comfortable with yourself.

If you and your boyfriend are serious enough to have sex, you should be able to talk to him about how you feel about this. Lots of men love and are attracted to women who aren't super-model perfect. Ideally, what's most important is who you are, not how you look, but sometimes how we look affects how we feel about ourselves. It's all very complicated!

Anyway, good luck. Getting to a healthy weight should be your primary concern. Then you can deal with the rest.
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Old 05-04-2012, 10:10 PM   #3
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I've always had sagging issues, ever since they started developing. If you were to take a picture of my breasts alone, I'm sure most people would assume they belong to someone who is mid 40's with 4 kids lol!

When I was dating, I was extremely self conscious about boyfriends seeing my chest for the first time since most women my age had beautiful perky boobs. In fact, although my first boyfriend and I were intimate, it took over 10 months before I'd let him see my breasts with the light on. I look back and laugh at that. When I started dating my now-husband, I told myself I would not be afraid and I'd "get it over with", so from the first moment we were intimate, he knew what my chest looked like. I decided I didn't want to live in the "fear" of him seeing, and having to face the other way just to get dressed!

As for stretch marks, even skinny girls who have never been over weight have them. I started getting them at age 12 just because I was growing tall, not becoming fat. In all honesty, I think most women have them. I have yet to find a guy who actually cared about them. My first boyfriend "studied" mine for like 30 minutes out of pure fascination with them and how it looked like I got attacked... but it never did turn him off.

I know that we all seem to think that once we lose weight, we will magically have that perfect super model body, but the truth is.... not even super models have that body in most cases. Photoshop, makeup and the right outfits do magic. Underneath it all however, they probably have some birth marks, stretch marks and god knows what else.

I guess what I am trying to say is that many many women have these issues and its okay to have them. Don't let your body issues come between you and a relationship. Once you are ready to be that intimate, in like 99% of cases, the guy will not care. Would you all of a sudden lose any attraction to a guy just because he has a few stretch marks on his biceps or because he has a few body imperfections? I doubt it. Usually, that just becomes part of the person.. just like the goofy way they smile or the way they say a certain word.
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Old 05-04-2012, 10:34 PM   #4
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My body is most certainly not perfect. I have buckets of stretch marks and cellulite enough to fill a bathtub. My boobs are wonky cuz one of em is a little bigger than the other and one nipple is darker than the other. I have stray hairs on my nipples and belly occasionally, and I have the absolute ugliest feet. I am also starting to get some lines and gray hair. But bless my poor husband, he thinks I am sexy!!! For whatever reason (perhaps he needs to get his vision checked, just sayin'), but the man thinks I am attractive. And guess what? He's not perfect either! SHOCKING! He is hairy and his feet are uglier than mine. And I'm betting you that your man has some kind of body issues, too. Whether it's the classic, ehem, size issue, or the way he feels about his build, men are subject to the same kind of feelings of inadequacy that we are. But if you are going to be sharing all of yourself with someone, then you have to be mature enough to understand that in some lighting and positions, all boobs (and all other dangly bits for that matter)look weird. The human body is sometimes less attractive during certain, um, let's say, activities. That's why we have the clapper. Clap on clap off, the clapper. Thank God for the clapper. And please, do yourself a favor and get comfortable with your body before you try to um, well, you know. Because nothing makes for a terrible experience more than being uncomfortable and stressed.Get thee to a healthy weight and state of mind, and then pursue intimacy, because just like weight loss, it is something you have got to work at!
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Old 05-04-2012, 10:45 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Candeka View Post
I've always had sagging issues, ever since they started developing. If you were to take a picture of my breasts alone, I'm sure most people would assume they belong to someone who is mid 40's with 4 kids lol!

When I was dating, I was extremely self conscious about boyfriends seeing my chest for the first time since most women my age had beautiful perky boobs. In fact, although my first boyfriend and I were intimate, it took over 10 months before I'd let him see my breasts with the light on. I look back and laugh at that. When I started dating my now-husband, I told myself I would not be afraid and I'd "get it over with", so from the first moment we were intimate, he knew what my chest looked like. I decided I didn't want to live in the "fear" of him seeing, and having to face the other way just to get dressed!

As for stretch marks, even skinny girls who have never been over weight have them. I started getting them at age 12 just because I was growing tall, not becoming fat. In all honesty, I think most women have them. I have yet to find a guy who actually cared about them. My first boyfriend "studied" mine for like 30 minutes out of pure fascination with them and how it looked like I got attacked... but it never did turn him off.

I know that we all seem to think that once we lose weight, we will magically have that perfect super model body, but the truth is.... not even super models have that body in most cases. Photoshop, makeup and the right outfits do magic. Underneath it all however, they probably have some birth marks, stretch marks and god knows what else.

I guess what I am trying to say is that many many women have these issues and its okay to have them. Don't let your body issues come between you and a relationship. Once you are ready to be that intimate, in like 99% of cases, the guy will not care. Would you all of a sudden lose any attraction to a guy just because he has a few stretch marks on his biceps or because he has a few body imperfections? I doubt it. Usually, that just becomes part of the person.. just like the goofy way they smile or the way they say a certain word.
This is just so well said...

and sometimes fearing the "what will he think" is worse than it could ever be in real life. Man, I think back to when I was in your position and I can remember those insecurities so well. But you know what? My boyfriend (now husband) just thought I was beautiful. I have the SAME saggy breasts Candeka mentions and my then boyfriend said at first seeing them? "You have pretty breasts." Pretty saggy breasts, but that's MY hang up and no concern of his at all. As long as they feel like breasts - he doesn't care! Same with my saggy skin and stretch marks.
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