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Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss Including discussions about excess skin and reconstructive surgery

Envy from other women

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Old 04-06-2012, 11:17 PM   #16
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Family members can be so silly. Be like a duck... let it roll off. =)
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Old 04-12-2012, 03:25 PM   #17
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Oh girl...I so hear you.

And with family... yea that's rough! I'm lucky, my actual family has been really supportive but my husband's family and my SILs are going to be rough because there's president.

There's a woman in my neighborhood; we're friendly as couples who told my husband that I was 'setting myself up for failure' when I started this journey. SEVENTY pounds later she told me 'well you're healthy now, you can stop'... well I'm not at a healthy weight and here's the kicker... she's a doctor! She made another comment to my husband about a week ago that I was clearly confident that I was sexier (um... wtf?). My husband was like 'um, she's just being herself'. She's always known me heavy and I really think had some investment in be remaining as such or not being smaller.

It kills me when women try these games on each other instead of creating a supportive community!

That said, the evil side of me feels like, you know what? If it's going to make you crazy then that's your deal... enjoy your craziness because it's not touching me in the least.

Best... it's so rough and so unfair but you have the right attitude. We choose what we buy into and invest in. Don't invest.
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Old 04-12-2012, 03:52 PM   #18
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This sounds like normal female chatter to me, not necessarily envy or jealously.

At all weights, I have received (and sometimes even participated in) this kind of feedback/conversation/gossip about photographs (of myself and others).

"Too much cleavage," "not a flattering color/outfit," "too much makeup"...


It's not always polite or politically correct, but I don't think it's necessarily rooted in "envy" taking either. It's just normal chatter/gossip/social feedback conversations.

It's not unusual for women of an older generation to see the younger generation of women in modern fashions as "too sexy." Odds are their mothers and aunts thought they dressed too sexy too.

And it's not just generational, different folks have different standards regarding what is and isn't "too sexy" for a photo (especially on a public forum like face book).

I don't envy you and I might or might not think your photos are "too sexy." We might just have different opinions about what is and isn't appropriate for a facebook photo and where to draw the "too sexy" line. If you were a relative or close friend, I probably would feel comfortable sharing my opinion, but it would just be my opinion. Envy or jealousy probably wouldn't have anything to do with it.


I think "jealousy" isn't nearly as common as assumed. Most people (even those close to us) have mixed emotions and sometimes jealousy is wrapped up with more positive emotions (so people can be jealous and happy for us at the same time). But overall I think most people don't think about us nearly as much as we tend to think. They're too wrapped up in their own issues.

Rather than trying to analyze the possible motives (which may or may not be accurate), I think it works best to assume the best and just move on.

It doesn't matter why or that your mother (and/or aunt) consider your photo "too sexy." That's an opinion they're free to have and free to share. You don't have to care one way or the other, and you don't have to guess or assume their motives are negative (you don't have to make any guesses aas to their motives at all).

If you saw your mother, daughter or niece had a photo on facebook that you thought was "too sexy" would you say something? If you did, would you expect the person to attribute your opinion to "jealousy" (and would they be right?)


I think it's just normal family conversation. Not perfectly polite or p.c., but pretty normal. Especially coming from an older generation.
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Old 05-03-2012, 08:44 AM   #19
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This happened to me too! Last year I decided to lose weight and miracle of miracles, I did! During the summer of last year, I had lost a significant amount of weight-40lbs! It was all anyone in my family could talk about. this did two things: 1)made me very uncomfortable because it was like I no longer valued for myself but only my weight loss and 2) pissed my aunt and preggo cousin right off. There started to be sly conversations when I was around and I would hear bits of phrases like "that will be you next year" My aunt would suddenly not look at me and I could tell she was angry. I curbed visiting her because it seemed like she wasn't happy and then she would call and ask why I wan;t coming around and invited me to come over. When I did the **** totally hit the fan! She accused me of using her house like a hotel, making messes and never doing anything for her, which was patently untrue. I always brought supplies for the house, picked up little things she needed, cleaned up after my nieces and nephews bought food and cooked for teh entire extended family...none of my other cousins did those things...not even her own kids! In the midst of it, she turned to another aunt and thanked her for folding the hanging laundry and getting it out of the rain. I had done that. She kept searching for excuses to be angry with me. I know this is because of my weight loss. it really bothered her that I was getting so much positive attention. I was definitely busting out of the quiet fat cousin corner she had placed me. All of a sudden, not only was I smarter and more helpful than her own daughter...I was also prettier and it was NOT ok. As a result, I am not allowed at family gatherings without her express invitation, even though everybody else has an open invitation. I know it's because I dared to lose weight. So, yes to all of those who are passing this off as just normal gossip or womanly doings, it can and does happen and it can be very hurtful. I have never NOT supported any of my family members in their efforts for anything, and they turned their backs on me as soon as I stopped being the fat cousin. Who needs enemies when you have family like that?
And yes, I do feel bitter about it all.
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Old 08-06-2012, 10:51 AM   #20
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Haters only hate because they can't be you.

Don't let it get to you, 1) its YOUR facebook.
2) You worked freaking hard so enjoy your new body!

Sometimes when we are unhappy with the way we look, we tend to have a negative outlook on other people's appearance or happiness.

I know when I was obese, I would look at skinny girls and say something mean, or insulting, or say she looks like a whore but now.

When I see someone with a nice body, I look up to them, I admire them.

It's all about how you feel on the inside. That's probably why it's hard for your aunt to see you that way.

Besides, you look hella hot on your avatar!! Work it girl!!

Ps. Since I've lost about 50lb, I've been posting pictures of myself in shorts, skirts, tank tops, I don't care. I worked hard for it and I want everyone to see it!!

Enjoy your tiny legs girl!
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