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Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss Including discussions about excess skin and reconstructive surgery

How is the spouse taking the changes?

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Old 02-29-2012, 12:48 AM   #1
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Default How is the spouse taking the changes?

I think my husband might be a tiny bit insecure as he has recently told me "I refuse to let someone else reap the benefits of all your hard work." I think he's right as he has lived with little me, big me, pregnant me, smaller me for the past 8 years but the comment threw me off guard a little. He made it after some guy asked me to dance when we went out for the first time since New Year's Eve this past Saturday. I never really bothered to think that I am not the only one getting use to a changing weight or body image.
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Old 02-29-2012, 04:33 AM   #2
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I think it is normal for them to be insecure a little. Just make him know you arnt going anywhere.

Quick funny story. My hubbers was deployed in January for afganistan, during his going away party I was at the bar, and the hubby was talking with his friend (who they call sharkie, casue he silently gets ALL the girls) when the friend said....¨oh, look at that hot blonde girl, I have never seen her before¨. My hubby said ¨that´s my wife¨and they both started laughing and came to me. I think it makes my husband feel good that other men look at me, becasue he knows Im not going anywhere.
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Old 02-29-2012, 11:27 PM   #3
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I think my husband might be a tiny bit insecure as he has recently told me "I refuse to let someone else reap the benefits of all your hard work." .
Augh, my guy said something very similar to me a couple months ago. I replied, "Maybe you should have been nicer to me when I was fat." Let other guys look. Flirt some even. It boosts the self-esteem and a little bit of jealousy makes our other halves appreciate what they have.
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Old 03-01-2012, 08:12 AM   #4
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wow, that was quite a dig from him, I think. Does he dance, were you not dancing because HE doesn't?

Unfortunately he cannot keep the world from seeing (and appreciating ) the newer, smaller you.
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Old 03-01-2012, 09:22 AM   #5
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Significant others are funny like that. They get a little bit on edge when we lose weight and it can be hard to understand why. My fiance can't keep his hands off me, but there were times when he expressed apprehension about my weight loss.

I think a lot of our spouses/significant others are afraid that we're getting ready to run off with a millionaire or something!! It helps, I think, to reassure them that you're doing this for yourself and leaving them probably didn't even cross your mind.

I'm going to turn the tables around here a bit. My fiance wants to start getting into weight training and jogging. He's told me he wants to be one of those muscular guys with a six pack (He's already pretty darn muscular actually, his arms are rock hard). I started fearing that he was going to leave me, wanted to do this to find some hot chick, etc., even though he said "I would feel better about myself." He just wants to FEEL better...not find some other girl, haha! I think we all sometimes fear the worst
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Old 03-01-2012, 10:15 AM   #6
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Quote:
"I refuse to let someone else reap the benefits of all your hard work."
Was he joking? Does he think he owns you? Is he being insecure? I guess I find it off putting that he expressed that in that manner.

I'm probably just reading through my own filter. I hope it was a joke.

I had an ex-bf who was SO insecure all the time he drove me crazy with comments like that. It was the reason we broke up later. I just couldn't stand it any more.

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Old 03-01-2012, 10:20 AM   #7
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My husband LOVES that I now look so much better. He's so proud to say "that's my wife". And he likes it that other men are taking notice of me.

Because he is also confident that I'm not going anywhere. That statement your husband made is all about his OWN insecurities!
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Old 03-01-2012, 11:25 AM   #8
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My husband has expressed concerns about me getting too thin, but back when I lost the weight the first time he was also really turned on by the fact that I was taking care fo myself.

I asked my husband about this and says he understands where your husband was coming from, haha.
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Old 03-01-2012, 01:34 PM   #9
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Quote:
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Was he joking? Does he think he owns you? Is he being insecure? I guess I find it off putting that he expressed that in that manner.

I'm probably just reading through my own filter. I hope it was a joke.

I had an ex-bf who was SO insecure all the time he drove me crazy with comments like that. It was the reason we broke up later. I just couldn't stand it any more.

A.
Agreed. I felt the same way reading that. You know who reaps the benefits of your hard work? YOU DO!
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Old 03-01-2012, 01:43 PM   #10
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My husband is so happy for my weight loss; he also loves when other men take a second look at me -- He says; yup that is my hot wife -- I can't wait to reach my goal weight and be a real hottie; walking and holding my proud husband's hand.
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:47 AM   #11
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My husband likes how I look, but he has expressed the concern that he needs to start losing weight so that he looks like he belongs with me! He feels that we are starting to look like one of those mismatched couples where people ask themselves, "What's he/she doing with him/her?"
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Old 03-25-2012, 03:15 PM   #12
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yep. went the jealousy route and now i have another problem: he's become mister grabby. from the time i started to show pregnancy up to about two wks ago, the number of intimate moments (and they *were* "moments") could be counted on both hands with enough fingers left over to dial 1-800-WAKE-ME-UP-WHEN-ITS-OVER. our daughter, i should mention, just turned 5. years.

suddenly he's after me 24/7 - i told him not without rubbers, he's refusing to buy them - "tomorrow, come on, i'll get some tomorrow".

i'm starting to feel this is an extreme sabotage attempt - figures if he gets me knocked up, i'll have to quit dieting.

little does he know that when i was pregnant with our daughter, i weighed 180 and two drs - my family dr and the ob/gyn at the high risk clinic - both said they were perfectly fine if i weighed less at the end of the pregnancy than i did at the start (basically, eat a minimal clean diet and take really excellent supplements).

i need a chastity belt.

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Old 03-25-2012, 08:17 PM   #13
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My hubby loves how I look now. We've been married for 15 years and together for 20 and quite honestly, can't keep his hands off me, lol. My older son, who's almost 11, said to us recently that we remind him of a couple of teenagers. I did this for me but I never counted on what it would do for us, you know?
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Old 03-25-2012, 08:45 PM   #14
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day-um - if i looked like you, i'd need a full-body titanium corset to keep him off me!
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Old 03-26-2012, 09:16 AM   #15
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day-um - if i looked like you, i'd need a full-body titanium corset to keep him off me!
You're too sweet. You totally made this 40-year-old's day!
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