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Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss Including discussions about excess skin and reconstructive surgery

My ex said a horrible thing about my loose skin... long

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Old 04-01-2012, 08:12 PM   #61
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changingskies - YOU were trying hard to make it work. clearly, he wasn't.

and just as clearly, you gave him far better than he deserved.
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Old 04-01-2012, 09:37 PM   #62
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... He certainly doesn't deserve even the amount of thought that's already been given to him. Put him and his nasty negativity out of your mind
After one of my crappy relationships I was going over and over him in my mind until the thought popped into my mind that I could continue to be miserable OR I could stop going over and over in my mind. I'd rather be free than to try to figure some things out. This guy isn't paying you rent for the time he's taking up in your head. Life is short. Be good to yourself.
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Old 04-01-2012, 10:01 PM   #63
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If you ever see him in person, I hope you KNOCK him OUT! What an jerk!!
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Old 04-02-2012, 04:26 PM   #64
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I'm mentally sending my best wishes to him and hoping that someone or something comes along in his life to put him in a better place emotionally and spiritually as well.
Good for you!

How other people treat you is their path, how you react is yours.
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Old 04-05-2012, 12:41 AM   #65
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First, You are a ROCK STAR!!!!!

My guess is that you got that "kicked in the stomach" shocked thing when you read that. I am so sorry that disgusting excuse for a human being did that to you. I bet there are others that read his post and aren't thinking very good thoughts about him. Not only is he shallow, but he's an idiot. I'm really glad you got rid of him when you did.

Don't give him one more ounce of energy. He's a loser.

Remember - his actions and thoughts don't have anything to do with the next guy you meet, so don't let that poison you.

You are amazing.

THIS!
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Old 04-05-2012, 01:01 AM   #66
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It's plain old manners we're talking about here.

This is what I am thinking: When you're visiting someone's home at dinner, and you are given a taste of a special dish that they have taken a great deal of effort to make, and they are watching you for your reaction, if you dislike it, you do not spit it out ostentatiously in front of the whole table and say, "That was revolting."

You can think it, but you can't say it.

And this isn't merely a dish, this is a person. A human being who invited another to partake of her body, in effect. A human being with hopes and dreams and thoughts and feelings.

That is why this guy is scum.

Making this comment publicly is a power play and an ego trip on his part. He's trying to sound like a worldly connoisseur of women's bodies. He feels just as empowered as a judge at the Westminster Kennel Club. In this point of view, women are not really people, they are objects whose confirmation and physical qualities are supposed to be assessed against some standard for the breed. (A standard created by porn stars, apparently.) A really insecure guy will do that -- to cope with the situation, he will attempt to remove all the brains & humanity from a woman and talk about her like an anatomy chart.

You don't want a person that insecure and that capable of cruelty in your life. They're dangerous. They're often repeat offenders.

Dismiss his opinions out of hand. They're coming from an unpleasant, dark place.

And you're in a place of light. You made a tremendous effort and reworked your body and probably a good part of your life, too. You do not need to have people like that guy around you.

Look for guys who come from that same positive, empowered place as you do. Who can give you back laughter and energy and hope for a good future. Because that is what you deserve.

The only thing I worry about here is that you may be accepting substandard guys when you deserve so much better. If you get a bad feeling about a guy, you are probably right and you should trust your intuition before taking it any further.
Thank you Saef for writing this! Sooo true!!!!!
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Old 04-05-2012, 09:09 PM   #67
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This does not make me feel better. lol.

I tried to make things work with him harder than I tried with any man before or after him. I didn't cheat on him. I treated him well and I gave him just about everything that I had that I could give at that time. If he is resentful because things didn't work out that means he basically resents who I am as a whole person because I never "did" anything to him. I would rather him be revolted by my sagging skin than repulsed by my soul.. lol. And if I hurt him, it wasn't by anything I did. It would be that we were just that incompatible. And that makes me feel guilty and like I should have moved on when the problems first started instead of dragging them out trying to make it work...
I think you misunderstood the point I was trying to make. For my boyfriend, he said those mean spirited things out of his disappointment over things not working out because he felt it was a reflection on him - i.e. he was not able to make her happy, he was an awful lover, he didn't stay thin enough for her, he didn't make her happy, etc. He lashed out in the way he did because he felt bad about himself. In his case he felt bad about himself because of how his ex made him feel.. for your ex that's not the case.. he might just plain old have low self esteem. People who seek out opportunities to put others down do so because of how they feel about themselves.. to make themselves feel better. My point is that his comments say much more about how he feels about himself than it says about how he feels about you. I'm sorry to hear things didn't work but the way you wanted to, but this guy is clearly a jerk and not worth your time. Sorry if my comments upset you in anyway .. I certainly did not mean to add fuel to the fire. Congratulations on your weight loss!

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Old 04-06-2012, 12:16 AM   #68
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Congrats on the weight loss! Sadly, sometimes we fall for losers that aren't worth the pain and heartache we go through. If he's addicted to porn, he'll probably never be satisfied with any woman. Porn is actually the main reason that younger guys are getting ED.
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Old 04-06-2012, 01:28 AM   #69
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Congrats on the weight loss! Sadly, sometimes we fall for losers that aren't worth the pain and heartache we go through. If he's addicted to porn, he'll probably never be satisfied with any woman. Porn is actually the main reason that younger guys are getting ED.
Sorry I know this is off topic but I'm curious...how does that cause ED???/

It seems like this generation is definitely porn-addicted. I feel like all the men my age (and reasonably younger and older) have very unrealistic expectations of what a sexual relationship is thanks to porn. I'm not anti-porn but I do feel like there have been negative affects from it.
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Old 04-06-2012, 09:13 AM   #70
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Sorry I know this is off topic but I'm curious...how does that cause ED???/

It seems like this generation is definitely porn-addicted. I feel like all the men my age (and reasonably younger and older) have very unrealistic expectations of what a sexual relationship is thanks to porn. I'm not anti-porn but I do feel like there have been negative affects from it.
I've heard a lot of guys say that they "do their thing" to porn so much that when it comes time to perform with a real woman they can't finish because they are so used to just that one feeling. It desensitizes them.
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Old 04-06-2012, 06:50 PM   #71
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Again congratulations on your weight loss. He is an ***.

As a man I can tell you the thing that usually gets my attention is a woman's eyes. The color doesn't matter. You can tell so much from the eyes.

Thanks for inspiring me to stay OP!
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Old 04-06-2012, 10:48 PM   #72
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An EX is an EX! For whatever reason.

Move on! It's not worth the mental energy!
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Old 04-07-2012, 06:45 PM   #73
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Sorry I know this is off topic but I'm curious...how does that cause ED???/

It seems like this generation is definitely porn-addicted. I feel like all the men my age (and reasonably younger and older) have very unrealistic expectations of what a sexual relationship is thanks to porn. I'm not anti-porn but I do feel like there have been negative affects from it.
There is a video about it on TEDTalks, they basically say that porn is causing ED because it desensitizes men and they keep needing something new and exciting, so they watch more hardcore porn.
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Old 04-07-2012, 07:05 PM   #74
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An EX is an EX! For whatever reason.

Move on! It's not worth the mental energy!
Yes! Make no one a victim or monster...sending kind vibes to all. Realize the beauty of life & keep peace.
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Old 04-07-2012, 07:49 PM   #75
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He sounds like a jerk...and believe me, if he is really one of those guys that are just about the looks then better you find out NOW and not later. My own hubby has seen fat, skinny, in between and puking. I've got stretch marks and pimples and unruly hair. He has seen me at my worst but at my best too---and more than just in the looks department. Thats what its all about. It doesn't sound like this guy could handle a real relationship.
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