Quote:
Originally Posted by berryblondeboys
See, this one is a tough one. Does it make him a jerk because he didn't find her attractive? No.... we can't control what we find attractive or not. And because he seemed (at first) to want to make it work, he didn't want it to be an issue either.
Even in the post where he said, "Hold off on calling them hot until you get their clothes off. I dated a girl that lost 150 lbs in a year and a half and she looked awesome in clothes but when they came off she had loose skin EVERYWHERE! She was really self-conscious about it. And with good reason. It was pretty revolting." He wasn't trying to be mean. It's how he felt. Now, would it hurt like **** to hear that or see that? YES!!!! of course. I would be devastated to read that! And yes, it would make it very hard to mentally cope with that.
I don't mean any disrespect to you, but I actually disagree with this. To me, it seems like he
was trying to be mean. He may have even realized that she would see the message, see that he was the one who posted it, and purposely tried to hurt her with it (since he was the one who showed her the website anyhow). Or maybe he was just trying to make himself feel better. Who knows why people are so hurtful to others.
No, it doesn't make him a jerk because he didn't find her attractive.
Making her feel self-conscious about herself in the first place and then publicly commenting (in a place he knew she might see it, no less) on the very thing HE KNEW made her self-conscious...that makes him a jerk. Saying that she had "good reason" to be self-conscious makes him a jerk. Using the word "revolting" to describe another person's looks, that makes him a jerk (and clearly he wasn't that "revolted" if he could still get it up and do the deed). The only people who deserve to be called revolting are murders/rapists/pedophiles/etc. That is not just simply stating how he feels; that is trying to belittle her in the process of stating how he feels.
I also don't see where he wanted to make things work in the beginning. Maybe before the clothes came off he was nice to her, but I bet he begged her not to leave just because he didn't have anyone else to be with. She could have moved on and met someone else, or at the very least not been made to feel like she had something to be ashamed of. And to break up with her a month or so later and use the same reason as she did to begin with...yeah, that makes him a jerk too.
He definitely has some body issues, either with himself or with his perception of women in general...or both. He thought she looked awesome with her clothes on, but "revolting" with them off (which I am sure she is not). He tensed up when he saw her naked, then closed his eyes and barely touched her when they had sex. He has a weird obsession with "perfect" looking porn stars/celebrities. These things indicate just how shallow this guy really is, and/or just how out of touch with reality he is. I don't understand why he thinks he deserves to be with such a flawless woman (or why he even thinks one exists, someone needs to tell him those women are photo-shopped).
It seems to me like you dodged a bullet by being rid of this guy, ChangingSkies. I think you are amazing for achieving what you have done! Just remember how far you have come, all the things can do and are doing now that you couldn't before, and how much you wanted to be exactly where you are 150 lbs. ago. It is funny (and sad) how we can hear so many positive comments and feedback (i.e. the hot guys who were impressed by what you have done), but what really sticks with us is the one negative comment (by someone you know isn't worth the time of day). I do this too. They are so hard to get over, but I know you will. By this time next year, I'll bet you won't even believe you wasted your energy on worrying over his stupid comments. I wish I could make it so that you wouldn't worry about it by this time tomorrow, but unfortunately I can't. Try not to let it keep you down for too long. You have a wonderful life to live...don't let him hold you back from it!