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Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss Including discussions about excess skin and reconstructive surgery

Unwanted Comments

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Old 01-22-2012, 04:15 PM   #1
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I reached my goal weight in August, having lost over 40 pounds. I belong to a small church with a fairly elderly congregation (at 45, I'm still considered one of the 'young people'!)

When I was losing the weight, I got a lot of comments from members of the congregation. My problem is that, despite having been the same weight for about five months now, I'm still getting the same comments. For example, 'Are you still losing weight?' 'Don't lose any more, you'll fade away' etc. Every time I go to church, I feel as though I'm having the same conversation over and over again, like Groundhog Day! It's usually the ladies who make these comments and they are very well-meaning, but it's starting to become a little tiresome.

I've tried explaining that I'm now in maintenance so I'm not planning to lose any more, but it hasn't changed anything. I've also tried smiling and saying nothing. I was at a social evening last week and I felt that I was having to defend my weight loss! Please can anyone suggest a polite way to get this to stop, before I say something I regret?

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Old 01-22-2012, 04:31 PM   #2
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I would say something simple like "I appreciate your concerns for my weight (or health), and I am maintaining my weight loss, thank you."
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Old 01-22-2012, 05:01 PM   #3
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GH

Five months is the blink of an eye for some elderly people. And some forget they may have said something before! In addition, I wonder whether your weight loss may be one of the more dramatic things that's happened recently. So my idea is to do something even more dramatic! Something that will put your weight loss in the shade! Pink hair! Adopt twins! Take up roller skating to church!

Seriously, though, it will blow over. Patience is a virtue. I tell myself this quite often.
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Old 01-23-2012, 01:36 AM   #4
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PS Fantastic weightloss! Congrats.
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Old 01-23-2012, 08:49 AM   #5
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I agree -- sometimes elders have memory probs so get stuck on a repeat loop. Eventually though, it will pass. Just hang in there, smile and say "Nope, not losing. Thanks!"

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Old 01-23-2012, 09:00 AM   #6
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Smile, say "thank you for your concern" and change the subject.
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Old 01-23-2012, 09:39 PM   #7
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When someone makes what I believe to be a well-meaning but annoying comment to me, my usual response is something along the line of 'I'm doing great', or 'no worries about that', and then bring up something great about them, like they're wearing something beautiful, or look especially gorgeous today.
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Old 02-02-2012, 11:33 AM   #8
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I get this too (often in church circles). I think people get concerned if they see someone loosing alot of weight thinking they have an eating disorder or something!

You are right to reply truthfully that you are maintaining.

My mum is the worst, she will say 'you suit a bit of weight around your face and it looks too suken in when you lose weight etc'. Meanwhile my mum's diet is terrible and she is overweight!?

Sometimes people will say 'you going to the gym again' or 'sure just eat it' if I am around cream buns etc.... I actually feel the need to eat unhealthy infront of people just to prove to them I don't have an eating disorder, although women that are thinner than me don't get any hastle becuase they have 'always been thin'!

I think it just takes time for people to accept the new you and forget that you were bigger!!!
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Old 02-03-2012, 06:40 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by georgeshair View Post
I reached my goal weight in August, having lost over 40 pounds. I belong to a small church with a fairly elderly congregation (at 45, I'm still considered one of the 'young people'!)

When I was losing the weight, I got a lot of comments from members of the congregation. My problem is that, despite having been the same weight for about five months now, I'm still getting the same comments. For example, 'Are you still losing weight?' 'Don't lose any more, you'll fade away' etc. Every time I go to church, I feel as though I'm having the same conversation over and over again, like Groundhog Day! It's usually the ladies who make these comments and they are very well-meaning, but it's starting to become a little tiresome.

I've tried explaining that I'm now in maintenance so I'm not planning to lose any more, but it hasn't changed anything. I've also tried smiling and saying nothing. I was at a social evening last week and I felt that I was having to defend my weight loss! Please can anyone suggest a polite way to get this to stop, before I say something I regret?
I've been getting this a lot lately and it's starting to really get to me.. because I have high prominent cheekbones, people keep asking me if I'm anorexic or making comments like: "don't lose any more weight you're too skinny, you're so gaunt." This just makes me feel bad about my weight loss because obviously they're not seeing that I have strong muscular legs and arms.. no.. they look at my face and see an eating disorder!
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Old 02-03-2012, 09:04 AM   #10
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Please don't let ignorant comments make you feel bad about yourself. Anyone who puts in the time and effort to get more healthy is in an incredible place of strength. This is a good thing. You don't have to prove to them that you don't have an eating disorder. Please, who knows what They are doing behind closed doors.

Invite them to come to the gym with you. I bet they'll hush up pretty quickly

I've been through a lot of this in my lifetime...so I get worked up because I know how some comments that are really worthless can lead to discouragement and second-guessing on our parts. Don't let it happen to you.

Have a great, strong day !
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