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-   -   Called "fat" more often AFTER losing weight (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/body-image-issues-after-weight-loss/243784-called-fat-more-often-after-losing-weight.html)

wtfudge 09-24-2011 11:31 PM

Called "fat" more often AFTER losing weight
 
Can anyone help me explain this phenomena? Because after losing about 30-35lb (185-->155, I'm 5'9"), more people seem to call me fat... at least, out loud, jeeringly. Mostly random pre-teens and teens (I just turned 20). It's only been like 2-3 times in the past 3 months or so. Each time it happens, I just think "man, you should've seen me in '09" but really what I'm thinking is, "what?! now?! seriously?!"

My theory for this is, upon first glance, I think I might look kind of cute. But if you look for longer than a few seconds, reality sinks in: I'm pretty big, if I'm considered a teenager. Basically, I'm really big for a little woman. I guess it's a little discouraging for weightloss because it makes me more emotional/sensitive about my weight :P

Can someone help explain what's going on here though? Is it a phenomena exclusive to my weight/height range?

Harriette 09-25-2011 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wtfudge (Post 4045724)
Can anyone help me explain this phenomena? Because after losing about 30-35lb (185-->155, I'm 5'9"), more people seem to call me fat... at least, out loud, jeeringly. Mostly random pre-teens and teens (I just turned 20). It's only been like 2-3 times in the past 3 months or so. Each time it happens, I just think "man, you should've seen me in '09" but really what I'm thinking is, "what?! now?! seriously?!"

My theory for this is, upon first glance, I think I might look kind of cute. But if you look for longer than a few seconds, reality sinks in: I'm pretty big, if I'm considered a teenager. Basically, I'm really big for a little woman. I guess it's a little discouraging for weightloss because it makes me more emotional/sensitive about my weight :P

Can someone help explain what's going on here though? Is it a phenomena exclusive to my weight/height range?

Do they really mean you are fat or are they saying it in a joking way? Could also be they think you are beautiful and have some of the green monster peeking through? At 5'9 you are hardly fat at 155 lbs in fact you are well within normal range. Clearly they are not actually calling you fat - which would just be mean anyways, who does that?!

caryesings 09-25-2011 12:16 AM

I had somewhat of a similar experience with on line dating. Interest in my profile dropped to near zero when I replaced my obese picture with close to normal weight one. It's like I was a fine looking fat woman, but once being viewed against other women of the same age/weight, not so much??

20 lbs later, the interest was back and have had a happy ending despite not getting to my ideal.

Tanna Banana 09-25-2011 12:23 AM

Teenagers are just goofy.

A few years ago, I overheard a couple of high school aged girls commenting on my "fat" legs in my running tights. I weighed 140 lbs and was a size 6-8. And then I went and ran seven miles. Doubt if they could have kept up! :D

wtfudge 09-25-2011 12:32 AM

^ Yes, so true, teenagers suck. :( Just got out of my teenhood.

They really meant it. One was a kid in Brooklyn... by kid, I mean maybe 16-17 yrs old or so? He said something like, "Girl, you fat. Not like butt phat, but like pig fat" and then jeered as I walked away pretending to be deaf....lol

Another time was just a few days ago, which made me want to post this here. I was walking down a busy street in New Jersey, when again, maybe a guy also around 16-17 said "hey girl, hey fatty..." [more jeering/name-calling]

This always happens when I wear skirts btw. Regardless of whether I wear black tights too. Of course, I now wear jeans because I'm scared to show my legs at all lol.

I think caryesings may be on to something... I have a theory there's a weight where NO guys won't like you because you're too thin to be "fat" (and therefore you're not easy enough or funny enough to date or something - I don't know, and I can't imagine!) and also too "fat" too be thin, so they're out of your league.

Uggghhhh! This sucks... I feel like if I had this general weight to height proportion and shape, but way 5'4", they would think I was really cute, because I'd seem more petite :/ I just don't quite understand...

124chicksinger 09-25-2011 12:38 AM

I think teens are mean. Clearly for your height and weight, you're not fat. Maybe you need to frequent different neighborhoods? :)

You can answer with....sokay you think I'm fat.....I can lose weight and you'll always be...........ugly? short? stupid? an idiot? a loser?

Or, pay them no mind.

thinner 09-25-2011 12:40 AM

i can explain the adult online dating problem. there are some guys who will date 'bigger' women because they are 'bigger' but when you are closer to the wordly 'normal' standard, you are judged according to that standard. if you are even a little bit over then you do not make the cut. i'm not trying to sound bad about you or anything, but i too know how online dating goes. and therefore it 'went'. and no mine did not have a happy ending, not even an offline happy ending:(

wtfudge 09-25-2011 12:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 124chicksinger (Post 4045787)
You can answer with....sokay you think I'm fat.....I can lose weight and you'll always be...........ugly? short? stupid? an idiot? a loser?

I like that comeback! I'd use it too, but they always have friends around them though and I'm always alone, so maybe that's not such a hot idea haha. Not to sound weird but one of the times was actually in Northern NJ too (southern Bergen County), so you're probably around some mean teenagers too from time to time :/

I think I'll translate "you're fat!" to "one more hurtle till you're not fat!!!! keep going!!!"

YEAH I noticed guys hit on me less too now that I'm 'normal' - wtfudge?

Lovely 09-25-2011 12:50 AM

They're just teenagers. They're trying to take you down a peg so that you'll feel bad and they'll feel better about their sorry lives.

It's not about you or your perfectly fine weight. It's about them.

There are people who call size 0 models "fat". It's not even a description anymore. It's turned into some sort of generic insult.

Lovely 09-25-2011 12:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wtfudge (Post 4045792)
but they always have friends around them though and I'm always alone

This. This right here is the most important telling point. They're trying to act cool with their friends. They're trying to put someone else down so they look better.

That is all. Again, has nothing to do you with or your weight.

Harriette 09-25-2011 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lovely (Post 4045794)
They're just teenagers. They're trying to take you down a peg so that you'll feel bad and they'll feel better about their sorry lives.

It's not about you or your perfectly fine weight. It's about them.

There are people who call size 0 models "fat". It's not even a description anymore. It's turned into some sort of generic insult.

This! This is what I was trying to say (but was too tired for it to come out clearly).

ennay 09-25-2011 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wtfudge (Post 4045792)
Not to sound weird but one of the times was actually in Northern NJ too (southern Bergen County), so you're probably around some mean teenagers too from time to time :/

heh. I grew up on the east coast & I was going to say maybe you just need to move. ;)

runningfromfat 09-25-2011 04:10 PM

The only logical explanation is that the teens that did that are stupid! ;)

Seriously, who does that? Ugh, I'm sorry you had to deal with that!

I agree, though, that when you're close to "thin" but not quite there you seemed to be judged more for that. NOBODY really discussed my body with me when I was obese but when I was younger and at the time of a healthy BMI/lower end of overweight I heard some comments from family members on occasion. I think it's the idea that you're *almost* there so you should just lose a few more and get there. :?:

Also, no way in the world can you possibly please everyone with your looks. There's just no way in the world that that's possible!

tommy 09-25-2011 04:37 PM

This happened to me as well. I was doing lots of bike training and my legs were super strong. I was still a little over weight but realistically looking decent. My butt was definitely not huge. About half way through a 50 mile ride a punk kid yells out the window "whale" or "moo" or something like that. I was hurt & angry but took that anger and rode with even more energy and determination. As others have noted, teens with low self esteem often take others down a peg to hitch their own pathetic egos up a notch. You are young, but the sooner you can learn to listen to your inner truth and ignore the jerks, the happier you will be. I agree 5'9" at 155 is NOT fat. Bet the jerky kid was also suffering from "little man" complex ;)

theox 09-25-2011 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tommy (Post 4046443)
As others have noted, teens with low self esteem often take others down a peg to hitch their own pathetic egos up a notch.

This. Also, in my experience, most teens are pretty self-absorbed and tend to view the world through a heavy fog of ego and idealism that's supported by whatever parts of their (usually extremely limited) life experience they deem relevant and what their friends think. This doesn't lend itself to recognizing the complexity and "realness" of other people - esp. people they don't already have a relationship with or see as somehow similar to themselves.

In any case, there's very little point in taking them seriously - or paying any attention to them at all. You have worked very hard to achieve what you have for your own reasons. Why should the opinions of a few poorly behaved children matter to you? Be assertive and carry yourself with confidence - you've earned it. Don't give them the attention or power they want by reacting to their comments (or, if you do react, be assertive, not apologetic).


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