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Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss Including discussions about excess skin and reconstructive surgery

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Old 08-22-2011, 12:22 PM   #1
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Default Do you ever get the stink eye from other women?

Hubby and I were out shopping this weekend, and he commented on how everywhere we went, women were giving me the "stink eye". I did notice it myself a couple of times and find it fascinating.

Why is it that we as women judge each other so harshly?

Why can't we look at a woman who is fit and takes care of herself without thinking of her as a threat?
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Old 08-22-2011, 01:02 PM   #2
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I get this a lot since getting back into shape particularly when wearing something a little more fitted. My DH notices it too and while it does bother me on some level, I realize that we live in a society where people judge us on how we look and if they perceive me as a threat it's on them, not me. I'm actually a very nice person, lol.

Although I will say when I was younger, if someone looked at me the wrong way, I would have collasped into a pile of tears. Now that I'm older, it bothers me less and less.
40-ish and feeling fine.
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Old 08-22-2011, 01:59 PM   #3
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It's horrible. The only thing we can do is do our best to break the cycle ourselves. I constantly stop myself from judging other women based on their appearances. I will not perpetuate it. It's not easy, because we're all taught to do it- to feel jealousy or be threatened by beautiful women. But it is possible. I am always calling my friends out when they do it too.
Like, there's this gorgeous, very thin Asian woman in our workout class. My friends are always going on about how much they "hate" her for being so "perfect" and I am always telling them they are being ridiculous, judgmental bi-atches. What another woman looks like has nothing to do with YOU. So leave off with the b*tching.
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Old 08-22-2011, 08:29 PM   #4
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If you want a slightly academic, but still totally accessible to the lay person, discussion of women giving each other the "stink eye" and the reasons behind it - I have two book recommendations.

The Beauty Myth - by Naomi Wolf
Catfight: Women and Competition - by Leora Tannenbaum

They are pretty interesting reads and they really explain a lot.
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Old 08-24-2011, 05:16 AM   #5
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I've experienced it, but now I've just learned to shrug it off... I just tell myself 'they're just jealous, whatever' etc. etc. cuz it's true, it IS their problem not mine.

It's probably also a matter of self-confidence. Since losing weight (apart from your external appearance changing) you probably exude a more confident aura - and people (esp. women) pick up on that, and perhaps they feel threatened or insecure and that's so sad! .

When I see a woman who looks fit and healthy my first thought is, "Good for her!" or "awesome figure" in an admiring way especially since I know it is really hard work to get to that point and then maintain.

Even if I'm out with DH I sometimes I may make a comment to him about another woman having an amazing figure, or that she's pretty, and he may agree with me (or not, depending) but I'm sooo not threatened by that (but years ago in my insecure days, I would be extremely jealous of any other woman he looked at, whether I pointed her out or not ) I've learned to accept and appreciate beauty in other women and that it IN NO WAY diminishes me as a person or how I feel about myself because I'm not competing with anyone - what's the point?

It's just recognising and appreciating beauty/health and/or confidence in another individual. So, yeah, I'm with you, it's unfortunate when you come up against negativity like that... and it is a double bind especially if you've come from a place of self-loathing and low self-esteem to begin with. I guess that's just another hurdle on the journey.

Physical fitness can neither be achieved by wishful thinking nor outright purchase. Joseph Pilates

Last edited by Precious Little; 08-24-2011 at 05:27 AM.
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Old 08-28-2011, 04:05 AM   #6
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I never notice it, and I never do it myself. And my weird explanation for that is: I am gay. LOL. It's so fun, because I see all my straight friends checking out all the women around them and indeed turn into bi-atches over it. And I never get it. But then I realize it's to do with competition. And because I basically have given up the idea that I'll bump into my perfect life partner just out there by accident, I don't walk around anywhere with such thoughts on my mind. Conciously nor subconciously. I am totally oblivious to that whole world. And it makes me so 'harmless' to others that I think I don't get those looks so much. Could also be because I am ugly, but I know I am not. LOL.

Anyhow - the stink-eye is on them, not on you. Really.. why spent your energies thinking about something thats definately somebody elses problem?

Last edited by philana; 08-28-2011 at 04:05 AM.
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Old 09-23-2011, 06:22 AM   #7
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Someone once said that woman could rule the if we weren't that jealous of each other..

"My body is God's temple. I will be a good steward of what He gave me. "

Gained 30 pounds in 2013. Time to lose it again for 2014!
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Old 09-23-2011, 04:04 PM   #8
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I can understand it with single women, but why are so many married women so
competitive about there looks? My wife (5'6", 125#) is constantly pointing out attractive women and asking me "am I that fat?"

I guess this kind of competitiveness is just hardwired in. Professional and athletic competitiveness in men and attractiveness in women.
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Old 09-23-2011, 04:23 PM   #9
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All.the.time. That's why I can't be friends with women. I intimidate them or they think I'm going to steal their man. It gets worse as I lose weight.
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Old 09-23-2011, 08:54 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by RobertW View Post
I can understand it with single women, but why are so many married women so
competitive about there looks?
So they can keep their men.

1 banana/5 lbs. lost:
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Old 09-23-2011, 09:33 PM   #11
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I never give the stink eye when I'm single. I don't care--but when I am with someone, suddenly I feel threatened.

Plus, you have to admit that some women are pretty catty about their nice appearance (at least in my California beach town)--and some women enjoy attracting attention from other women's partners...by sending men looks (and then smirking at the wives)--my friend used to do that. Not to me, but to other couples. I never understood her motivations except maybe she had issues.

I think the giving of stink eye definitely originates in the insecurity of the woman sending it. I give a lot less stink eye when I'm in a good mood or when I'm doing what I want. If I am doing something because I feel I have to or because I feel like I can't do what I want, then I get pissy and give stink eyes to people.

I got the solution from Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way. People who aren't fulfilling their desire for potential will get frustrated by those who have achieved the desired potential. Ex: Someone who has a writer inside of them, but isn't writing, will get jealous at others who have written books (sometimes). The only way to solve this jealousy is to get out there and write the book (or start a diet that you like etc.)

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Old 09-26-2011, 08:38 AM   #12
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Here's another perspective.....I'm gay, people find that hard to believe cause I'm so "feminine" and I look at women all the time....maybe they aren't judging you but checking out your hotness? I know sometimes if I see a hot lady and I do the once over I get a dirty look as a response....but I'm not judging, I'm checking her out! LOL

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Old 09-27-2011, 03:31 PM   #13
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I tend to be a little reserved if I don't know you (I am totally not reserved at all if I know you, though) and it didn't come across as *****y when I was fat, but apparently it does now. I think because I look fit, attractive, thin, and well put together, any appearance of reservation seems like I'm being a snob or standoffish. When I was fat, people assumed it was because I was shy.

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Old 09-28-2011, 11:27 AM   #14
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Interesting perspectives. It never even occurred to me that a woman would be "checking me out". What a wild thought!! Thanks for all your replies!!!
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