losing weight and resenting the men who find you attractive

[theox]

I don't care about dating or finding a partner, so not getting asked out by anybody I'd voluntarily spend time with hasn't been too upsetting. However, it has been a bit galling to be ignored, "cut out," or simply denied basic courtesies by boys/men in normal, group-oriented social situations. Meeting people who act like that has its benefits though, 'cause then you know a few key things about them right away.

The treatment that the very attractive German girl who stayed with my family during a short exchange trip received from my male classmates was real enlightening. I've never received so much attention in my life, and it was merely what was reflected off of her. Undoubtedly, some of it was simply because she was new and different, but I guarantee you short, spotty, four-eyed Florian didn't get that sort of treatment. It's amazing how nice people can be if you're tall, thin, and have a pretty face.

Katz has a point, and people you haven't met before and don't know anything about, along with those who've always been decent towards you, should be treated decently in return. Not finding someone attractive isn't a sin, after all. But there's no reason to trust somebody that you know to be a shallow jerk because he (or she) has suddenly decided you're suddenly worth deigning to be pleasant towards. The leopard doesn't change his shorts.

[thinner]

agree, agree agree....it's nice to see that some others have been through or seen some similar stuff. (not nice that they had to go through it)

[luciddepths]

I really think the guy had a point. People are visual...its evolution. It also depends on the confidence someone exerts when they are that large. I never had people look at me (at least i didnt notice, and if they were looking at me? i thought they were looking at me because i was fat) when i was at my highest weight, did i expect people to? no. I felt like GARBAGE.

Now? they wont stop, get comments all the time. It isnt because of the weight though, its because of HOW i feel and what i'm projecting. IF you have terrible signs in your windows, no one wants to come in.

[shellofself]

My weight-loss journey has been a long one. I weighed 200lbs+ during Freshman-Junior year of high school.. and lost a tremendous amount of weight, weighing in at 125 lbs my Senior year. I kept off the lbs throughout the first half of college.

I digress. I found myself in a similar situation. I was considered attractive and regularly approached by strangers.. AND I resented the men (AND sometimes women) that were nice to me. I was paranoid. A lot of it stemmed from feeling as if they wouldn't have even BOTHERED when I was double that size. Unfortunately, you'll never know if that's true - just like I didn't, and are left to make as many assumptions as you want.

However, my rule of thumb when dating when I was a skinny-hottie-mini was to never date men who I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT (whether it's something they said or their attitudes towards women in general) would never have given me a second glance before hand. It was less about me accepting that people will judge and more about me realizing what kind of man I wanted by my side.

Facts of life: 1. People will be people. 2. Weight fluctuates - remember that.

[Ms Marvel]

Originally Posted by Ferumbras

Some of you may find the recent internet sex study that came out interesting, which has been now published as A Billion Wicked Thoughts. One of the findings was that in their use of the internet for sex, men seek out overweight and older women.

Here's a link to an article about it (may be NSFW for some people).

Ferumbras, I was in one of the groups approached to take part in that study, and it was just plain bad science with incredibly shoddy research designed to back up conclusions they'd already come to. The surveys were also sexist, gender essentialist, transphobic, and homophobic. If that book told me water were wet, I'd double-check to be sure.

You can read some stuff about it here. (Some sexual discussion, no images.)

More on topic, I last lost a significant amount of weight a decade ago; I weighed about 170, I think, mostly packed into an hourglass, and the difference in male attention was disconcerting. I'm pretty sure I didn't change the way I dressed or behaved (I hadn't thought it was enough weight to make much of a difference, and still though I was way fat), but yeah, complete strangers would stare at my chest or hit on me. I'm hoping now I'm older, it won't happen quite the same way; I don't really like that kind of attention.

[Ferumbras]

Ms Marvel: Thank you for the link. I didn't know anything about the methodology behind the research.

[Ms Marvel]

It's really shocking how sloppy the actual research behind some 'pop-science' is! If it's something you're interested in, Bad Science by Ben Goldacre is a great read on how science is represented and misrepresented in the media.

[MsShaybabe]

Originally Posted by k8yk

I never had a problem getting a date, no matter what I weighed. It's all about how you carry yourself, your personality, and being open to possibilities. I did have issues in high school, but I was in a very small town with very small minds. Once I moved away and displayed some self confidence, everything turned around. I think that if anyone thinks they can't get a date because of their weight, they are either just insecure or they are too focused on the wrong kind of guy. I wouldn't want to date someone who only liked me for my looks anyway.

I am a bit resentful of the unwanted stares and cat-calls I get now. But as far as relationships go, I've never found weight to matter.

Your comment is so true...if you have self confidence then weight does not matter....because they have a lot of guys out there who are attracted to BBW and they find them very attractive because of their personality and how they carry themselves. I am overweight but I carry myself with confidence and men notice me...and not just bums...but handsome, good looking men who you would think that would not look my way. It is all about confidence...if someone only likes you base on your looks...and not what is in your heart...then you are wasting your time. Love has no perferences...it is not about looks...it is about what is inside of a person. Unfortunately we have some women and men that goes by appearances...and trust me beauty always fades in the end...