I’m feeling ostracized

[Txalupa]

Mean mean mean mean mean.

You've done a great job. You've earned your success, and true friends will stick by you no matter what!

That being said, it REALLY SUCKS not to feel included in a place you spend a lot of time at, like your job.

Are there other people at work that you could have lunch with? I usually end up eating with a bunch of dudes at my work since there aren't a lot of ladies my age in the office. They love me fat/thin/whatever.

Too bad we can't all go out to lunch together

[k8yk]

It separates the true friends from those who were using you to make them feel better about themselves.

I've experienced this and I have different friends now because of it. The worst was one of my best friends for 12 years who just couldn't accept the "new me". We used to talk several times a week- now never. But like you said, that is their problem not yours.

My real friends support me, see how happy I am, and give me no jealousy or cattiness only compliments and encouragements as true friends should. The rest can shove it. I don't have time for petty jealousy and small-mindedness.

[Armastus]

I feels as if your "friends" are sometimes your worse obstacles when it comes to weight loss. I used to be obese and was supposedly everyone's best friend. As soon as i started to drop the weight, the negative comments started.
I begin to hear things such as "you'll become anorexic if you keep this up" or "you've lost enough already, just stay at this weight". Note that i was at the verge of obesity at this point. I felt a little unsure at first but i wasn't happy with my body at that point so i ignored the comments and pressed on. I lost some "friends" during my weight loss journey because they didn't like the changes that were happening to me never mind the fact that i was a lot healthier and happier. I can't say i regret losing their friendships because during my journey, i made a lot more positive and supportive friends who have the same goals as i do. Stay strong =]

[theCandEs]

I don't have a solution, but I can relate to this. We are about the same height and weight, and it is a very dramatic change. Most of my friends have gotten used to the "new me." One friend even said to me the other day, "I can't remember what you used to look like before." It's the people I don't see every day that have the strongest reaction, though.

I think in your case, they may be jealous right now, but they will eventually get over it if they are your true friends. It's childish and rude to treat you this way. Once they realize, though, that you are going to look this way from now on, they will get used to it and all will be well. They just have to realize you are still the same person, only smaller.

[MaryOjo]

I can relate with what you're going through. A word of advice; don't let them derail you! It happened to me and even though people on this site told me not to let it get to me, it still affected me and before i knew it, i had gained 10lbs. What jolted me back to reality was when one of the ladies saw my lunch at work and said, thank goodness, she now eats well (what i had in my plate was a pack of junk and i knew it)! It made me realise she just needs a fat companion which i refuse to be. That put me back on the right track!

[Hyacinth]

You are absolutely right, this is totally about their issues. Bad behavior often comes from a place of insecurity or other negative thought. I would keep the haters at arm's distance. When you have to interact, don't lower yourself to their level, and keep it as short and sweet as possible. Focus on the people at work who are inspired by you and who are ... well, less toxic.

There is a power dynamic that changes when you go from the chubby friend to someone they view as "competition." I had a close friend for a decade who became my biggest naysayer when I lost weight - even though when she'd lost weight in the past, I was her cheerleader. She repeatedly said similar things about my weight loss - "oh, your set-point wants you to be heavier, you'll screw up your metabolism by losing weight" and "why don't you just learn to love and accept your body the way it is? Maybe you should get counseling." Needless to say, I let that friend fade away.

You've done a great job! Keep it up!!

[Riemontana]

I think we have all been on both sides of this. It is a tough one and I am sorry that your feelings are being hurt.

I have decided that I can't really expect other people to be "happy" for me and what I am trying to accomplish on my journey to a healthier lifestyle. I know that people are sometimes uncomfortable with change and I am no longer the person that they can count on to hit the china buffet or the cheesecake place with them. That must be hard. Most of us have sometimes treated eating as a sport / recreation and our friends miss that.

I also think that most of my guy friends have an easier time handling it. Most of them are younger than me and they truly see me as a "buddy". Not one of them has made a negative comment - not due to skill, just being a guy and it doesn't matter. LOL

Hang in there!

[justaloozer]

Originally Posted by fresno26

What a bunch of jealous b*tches.
Obviously they have no idea how hard you've worked to get where you are.
F 'em. Any chance you can make new friends? You seem fantastic. They're just draggin' you down because they're losers and want to bring you down to their level.

I totally agree! Some people are so petty.

[fitness4life]

Originally Posted by k8yk

It separates the true friends from those who were using you to make them feel better about themselves.

I've experienced this and I have different friends now because of it. The worst was one of my best friends for 12 years who just couldn't accept the "new me". We used to talk several times a week- now never. But like you said, that is their problem not yours.

My real friends support me, see how happy I am, and give me no jealousy or cattiness only compliments and encouragements as true friends should. The rest can shove it. I don't have time for petty jealousy and small-mindedness.

I recently had an abrupt change of friends. 3 of us who were casual friends were all badly betrayed by our 3 different best friends. 2 of the friend-couples were in the same Bible study. So the 3 of us started our own Bible study.

The first book? Nurturing friendships.

It starts with the story of Ruth who had no obligation whatsoever, never left the side of her dead husband's mother in her time of need, and for the rest of her life. Why? Because they were friends. Now the 3 of us call each other our "Ruths".

Here's what we came to discover: A friend is there for you in times of trouble. A true "Ruth" is there for you after the trouble has subsided, and most importantly, a true "Ruth" is there for you to celebrate your successes, without envy.

When people who have successfully turned to live a truly healthy lifestyle and have lost weight and are ostricized for it, be grateful to know who your true "Ruths" are not. Or else you may someday make the same mistakes the 3 of us did - trust someone who does not have your back like a true Ruth.

Keep your chin up. Put on a happy face. Don't sink to their levels. And recognize and celebrate your true Ruths.

[bluemonday]

If you doing something good for yourself is enough to turn them into petty cows, then they were never real friends to begin with.

As far as work goes, whatever, just be professional at all times and let them deal with their own issues.

[KicknKnit]

We hate her: by Stumptuous

a few gems in here.