| Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss Including discussions about excess skin and reconstructive surgery |
Uncomfortable Comments :-/
03-14-2011, 06:05 PM
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#31
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Vancouver Island
Posts: 928
Height: 5'5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by callie999
Agree with everyone, what a wingnut.
So, everyone who's lost a noticeable amount seems to be uncomfortable with people bringing it up. Recently I saw a friend for the first time in 5 months or so, and she was a LOT smaller. She's talked about her weight in the past or what types of exercise she is doing/what size she wants to be/etc., and although it never came up explicitly I started to feel like she thought I was rude for NOT commenting when I saw her this time.
As a rule, I just don't talk about anyone's body. I'll say "Oh, I really like your dress", or, "That jacket is gorgeous on you, where did you get it?" but never "Oh you look so skinny!" or "How much weight have you lost?" or anything like that.
How do I acknowledge my friend's obvious success with a goal that was important to her without violating her personal bubble like you're describing?
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how about a quiet 'you look great. congratulations'
I think part of the problem of people yelling how skinny you are in a big crowd is their consciously or unconsciously letting everyone know you are really a fat person in disguise 
__________________
Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God
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03-14-2011, 08:24 PM
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#32
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Smile :)
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 179
S/C/G: 180/Ticker/Ticker
Height: 5'8"
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cherrypie
how about a quiet 'you look great. congratulations'
I think part of the problem of people yelling how skinny you are in a big crowd is their consciously or unconsciously letting everyone know you are really a fat person in disguise |
Good point!!! So true haha
__________________
People that cause you pain are like sandpaper...they may scratch you & hurt you but you'll come out smooth and polished.
Refresh your attitude, change your mind...life turns out the way you believe it will.
You have to dream hard, wish big and chase after your goals because no one is going to do it for you.
Self-belief is a woman's best accessory.
In case no one told you today..You are beautiful. You are special. You are loved.
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03-15-2011, 05:01 PM
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#33
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On a Mission
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,054
S/C/G: 246/193/169
Height: 5'9"
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I haven't experienced that but IMO it takes a real arse to make a statement like that. You should feel sorry for him. Personalities are much harder for a person to change than their waist line. 
__________________
Calorie counting gave me a method to fix the madness.
A high protein, moderate carb balance gives me control over cravings.
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03-15-2011, 06:20 PM
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#34
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Smile :)
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 179
S/C/G: 180/Ticker/Ticker
Height: 5'8"
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So true 4star...nothing he can do about his lousy personality.
Whats interesting is that ever since I first posted this thread, this guy has gotten worse and worse about offending me and other people in my circle of friends. Most everyone is getting very sick of hearing him belittle everyone else. He has continued to make comments about my weight and my friend actually kicked him out of the party/her apartment about a week ago for saying (out of the blue) "Kelly...you're still fat." Of course he followed this with "oh i'm just kidding" when I stood up for myself.
__________________
People that cause you pain are like sandpaper...they may scratch you & hurt you but you'll come out smooth and polished.
Refresh your attitude, change your mind...life turns out the way you believe it will.
You have to dream hard, wish big and chase after your goals because no one is going to do it for you.
Self-belief is a woman's best accessory.
In case no one told you today..You are beautiful. You are special. You are loved.
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03-15-2011, 06:49 PM
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#35
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 590
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyMarie90
Of course he followed this with "oh i'm just kidding" when I stood up for myself.
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When people say 'I'm just kidding' they are not kidding. They meant what they said.
If a person says..."I don't mean to pry, but".... They mean to pry.
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03-15-2011, 08:11 PM
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#36
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Smile :)
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 179
S/C/G: 180/Ticker/Ticker
Height: 5'8"
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Jolina...so true haha Its like "No offense but (insert highly offensive comment)"
I'm really glad I'm in a place where people like this don't bother me anymore. It took a while to get there but I'm really comfortable and sure of myself.
__________________
People that cause you pain are like sandpaper...they may scratch you & hurt you but you'll come out smooth and polished.
Refresh your attitude, change your mind...life turns out the way you believe it will.
You have to dream hard, wish big and chase after your goals because no one is going to do it for you.
Self-belief is a woman's best accessory.
In case no one told you today..You are beautiful. You are special. You are loved.
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03-15-2011, 08:19 PM
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#37
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On a Mission
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,054
S/C/G: 246/193/169
Height: 5'9"
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyMarie90
So true 4star...nothing he can do about his lousy personality.
Whats interesting is that ever since I first posted this thread, this guy has gotten worse and worse about offending me and other people in my circle of friends. Most everyone is getting very sick of hearing him belittle everyone else. He has continued to make comments about my weight and my friend actually kicked him out of the party/her apartment about a week ago for saying (out of the blue) "Kelly...you're still fat." Of course he followed this with "oh i'm just kidding" when I stood up for myself.
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Oh yeah. This guy is a real winner. It must really offend him to see others doing so well. There just is no reason to say that to a lady, except well, really bad manners. That's why everyone is getting tired of it. It's not funny anymore(and I doubt it ever was, people were probably just trying to be polite), it's just rude and immature now. There's only so long adults can go along with that kind of behavior. Usually the charm wears off sooner rather than later.
__________________
Calorie counting gave me a method to fix the madness.
A high protein, moderate carb balance gives me control over cravings.
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03-24-2011, 02:24 AM
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#38
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 132
Height: 5'3"
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyMarie90
He has continued to make comments about my weight and my friend actually kicked him out of the party/her apartment about a week ago for saying (out of the blue) "Kelly...you're still fat." Of course he followed this with "oh i'm just kidding" when I stood up for myself.
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He sounds so much like my ex-boyfriend's brother. Actually, his whole family is like that. What a dbag. Knowing my temper, I probably would have walked up and smacked him, or worse. I'm really proud of you for not reacting to him, and really proud of your friends for sticking up for you like that.
On another note, I have one friend that I considered my best friend until I started to lose weight. Instead of being proud of me for how far I've come, she's angry and constantly making comments. I've NEVER been able to wear a size 11, and now that's what I'm wearing. I'm happy and elated! She used to be a 9 and is now wearing my old 18s. So she's unhappy with her body. She tells me all of the time in-front of anyone and everyone that I really need to stop losing weight because every pound I lose goes on her. Basically telling anyone around that oh hey I used to be A LOT bigger. Thanks.. jerk.
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03-24-2011, 12:11 PM
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#39
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 203
S/C/G: 287/169/165
Height: 5'8"
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Yeah, sounds like the bully on the playground- he's trying to find the buttons to push that will get a reaction and then he will push them over and over.
Weight comments don't bother me too much usually (although the ******* ones you are describing certainly would) but it does bother me that I know people tell new friends or coworkers about my weight loss. Like "There's Kate, did you know she used to weigh like 100 pounds more?!" Then these people- who didn't know me when I was heavy- come up and start asking me all these questions and I feel like I'm labeled as The Girl Who Lost A Lot Of Weight. And from there on out, everyone just wants to talk about diet and exercise and they scrutinize what I eat and ARGHHHHH! It can drive a person batty sometimes.
Sometimes I really just want to move to a new city where nobody knows me so I can just be myself not "Kate who used to be fat and isn't now." Not to sound ungrateful, because the comments do make me feel good sometimes. But I sometimes feel like this has come to define who I am to other people- and I don't really like that. There's a lot more to me than the size of my body.
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03-24-2011, 01:20 PM
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#40
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Smile :)
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 179
S/C/G: 180/Ticker/Ticker
Height: 5'8"
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k8yk I totally understand that too!
I love meeting new people that are seperate from my current "world" or social group because they don't know about my weight loss and theres no one to tell them expect for me haha
__________________
People that cause you pain are like sandpaper...they may scratch you & hurt you but you'll come out smooth and polished.
Refresh your attitude, change your mind...life turns out the way you believe it will.
You have to dream hard, wish big and chase after your goals because no one is going to do it for you.
Self-belief is a woman's best accessory.
In case no one told you today..You are beautiful. You are special. You are loved.
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