I then heard him say: "She looks great! but that's not attractive to me because of what she used to look like."
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Originally Posted by guamvixen
My favorite ugly comment was: "I still wouldn't hook up with her because I know she has getting fat potential, and whose to say she won't blow up again."
Only a very, very young & very thoughtless guy could say something like this.
Someone who never thinks he'll age, or change, or develop a paunch as his stomach muscles slacken, or discover his hairline is receding, or that his nose is enlarging & widening, or livery age spots are appearing on the backs of his hands.
No, that will never happen to him. Never. He'll be young & attractive forever.
It's only women who can change in their appearance by aging or by gaining weight. You know, because they tend to do that. Women have that potential. Some of them do, anyway. Not the hot ones, of course. The ones whom he'll maybe consider dating won't ever. He'll make sure of that. And he can tell which ones, just by looking at them.
I lost almost 30 pounds so far. I know I will get comments pro and con.
But it is O.K. because I want to lose the weight to be healthier and to live longer.
And if they say negative things, I don't care. I am doing this for me, not them.
I plan on outliving them anyway.
So, everyone who's lost a noticeable amount seems to be uncomfortable with people bringing it up. Recently I saw a friend for the first time in 5 months or so, and she was a LOT smaller. She's talked about her weight in the past or what types of exercise she is doing/what size she wants to be/etc., and although it never came up explicitly I started to feel like she thought I was rude for NOT commenting when I saw her this time.
As a rule, I just don't talk about anyone's body. I'll say "Oh, I really like your dress", or, "That jacket is gorgeous on you, where did you get it?" but never "Oh you look so skinny!" or "How much weight have you lost?" or anything like that.
How do I acknowledge my friend's obvious success with a goal that was important to her without violating her personal bubble like you're describing?
You ladies really are the best support system ever!
After I posted this thread, it was still going through my head and I couldnt figure out why it bothered me so much. I'm going to leave it at, so what if this one guy has this "opinion" of me? I'm not going to let it bother me and I'm going to enjoy my hardwork.
(but thanks to you ladies I have some great responses if he brings it up again!)
Way back when I lost weight (my high weight was less than where I am now) I lost down to 119 so I got lots and lots of comments. It always bugged me in some ways.
Yes, it is nice to hear someone tell you that you look nice. But the ones who went on and on about it or who gushed about it always bothered me. It was sort of like their gushing revealed that they really thought I looked horrible before.
In some ways that was unfair...there was a dramatic difference in my appearance, but it still just sort of always brought up that fact every time they did it.
So when I lose weight I just sort of dread the gushing that will inevitably happen.
BTW, I never minded people who needed to lose weight asking me how I did it, etc. because they were asking for themselves and that didn't bother me.
Just today my hairstylist was raving how I've lost weight and am so skinny, and my face and all is skinny. She did ask (in the gushing) how much I'd lost. I said only "thanks"...nothing else, and promptly changed the topic to how she's doing, etc.
It worked well.
I want to be a person that doesn't talk about my weight with just anyone. There are some people in my life I want to be free to talk about it with, but not just anyone.
I did have a man I know from the gym, just by seeing each other, never even talking, and he went through my line at the store the other day and he commented how he's seen me at the gym a lot lately and that it looks like I've lost weight. Once again, I just said thanks.
I'm going to work hard to just say "thanks" and nothing else. No one needs to know any numbers...unless I choose to share.
Yeah it doesnt really bother me when someone asks for advice, because they are starting on a weight loss plan. When people ask out of honest curiousity thats even fine with me. I only hate when people are alluding to unhealthy means of losing weight because I worked very hard.
The compliments like "you look great" are also fine with me and they motivate me. As you all said, its the people that go on and on that bother me haha
So, everyone who's lost a noticeable amount seems to be uncomfortable with people bringing it up.
Callie, I disagree with this statement. I like to have people notice my weight loss, and I doubt that I'm the only one (you said that you have a friend who feels the same way). Perhaps the only safe statement that starts with "Everyone..." is "Everyone is different."
I've lost enough weight that I know it's noticeable, so, if someone doesn't mention it, I assume it's because they're not sure it's appropriate to say anything. With this, just as with many things, I think the most sensible approach is to try to give people the benefit of the doubt unless/until there really isn't any doubt left. It seems to save time and emotional energy spent on arguing and resentment.
One advantage I have is that, at 49 and perhaps looking a little older than that, I'm not in the position of suddenly being hot and having to deal with men suddenly coming on to me. They didn't flirt with me before and they don't flirt with me now. I might feel differently if I were getting the kind of attention that would make me uncomfortable.
For me it depends on the type of attention.
I'm very proud of what I've accomplished weight loss wise and now I'm really putting in extra work at the gym to tone up and when I catch a guy checking me out it gives me a little boost.
On the other hand, when someone flat out starts to talk about my body/weight loss, especially in a group setting, I feel very vulnerable and on display.
My 2 cents worth is this: This guy is a loser. Why? Because anyone worth their salt isn't that shallow. I'm glad that you realize he's a jerk...because that's exactly what he is. Please know that the majority of people are NOT like that.
If I were in your shoes, I know that hearing a comment like that would devastate me for a while and then take its place in the back of my mind...and would then frequently resurface for the sole purpose of bringing me down and ruining my self-esteem AND taking the joy out of my success.
This kind of crap hurts and I don't think there's any way to get away from idiots, but please know that you are appreciated and loved by the people in your life. All of that outweighs the thoughts of a random moron.
thanks Kellibelli
I know exactly what you mean...I originally posted this a while back when it had just happened and after a little while the original sting did go away. It only does resurface in my most insecure moments but my confidence is growing by the day.
On a related note...Now I wanna say this is not meant to offend anyone who is not of a christian faith but I'm catholic and this year I decided to do something more meaningful for my lenten promise.
I've decided that I'm going to "give-up" the negative self-talk and stop letting negative comments bring me down.
Good for you Kelly! That's a great idea for Lent. I should follow your example....a lady at church on Sunday told me if I lost much more weight, I'd end up looking like a hag. She said it jokingly and she's a sarcastic type, and I'm not truly offended, but it just makes me shake my head to think that she thinks that's an acceptable thing to say. Generally comments don't bother me, I just think people are funny and weird at times. haha Oh and another older man at church told me that I'd be good to wrestle with now! What kind of thing is that to say? I'm making my church sound terrible but really it's not!
An aquaintance was talking to a friend of mine at a small get together and apparently "just noticed" I lost weight. It blew his mind and he was asking my friend a bunch of questions within earshot of me. This person is known as kind of a jerk so I tried to ignore him. I then heard him say "she looks great! but thats not attractive to me because of what she used to look like"
:-/ Now its not that I even want this person to be attracted to me haha because I'm definitely not attracted to him but have any of you experienced this kind of thing?
My first year of college (close to 30 years ago), I lost some weight - went from about 160 to 125 lbs. One night I was at a party and overheard a guy that I had dated 1 time (really just went out with him to make someone else jealous), talking to someone else about how I used to be fat. I just walked over to him and upended a full bottle of beer into the front of his pants. Man that felt so good!!! I mentally picture myself doing that when I hear any negative comments anymore!!!
Generally comments don't bother me, I just think people are funny and weird at times. haha Oh and another older man at church told me that I'd be good to wrestle with now! What kind of thing is that to say? I'm making my church sound terrible but really it's not! 
