One thing tht has been hindering me from actually getting forward with my weight loss is a fear of how I will be treated different and constantly hear "omg! you lost so much weight! you look so good" This may seem weird since most people WANT to hear that, but when I hear t over and over again it makes me feel like people are really saying "Dang! finally you lost the weight you look normal now! you were so hideous and SO FAT" <-- obviously my own inner insecurities, but it does feel like the weight thing is such a huge deal to everyone when they mention it over and over. This happened when i had lost 20 some a year or two ago and they wouldn't shutup about it. I just want people to like me for me, and to maybe think I'm beautiful no matter what weight I am. Guess that is too much to ask?
I don't know why but I have serious selfimage issues to the point of shutting down once someone mentions my weight, my skin, or my strabismus. I don't believe people are worth more or less by what they look like but alot of the time, most of the time I feel worthless compared to all these other pretty girls. I think even if I lost the weight what guy would want me when he could have some hot chick who isn't covered in stretch marks, a basket case, and has a lazy eye and bad skin? After all guys are visual.
A lot of us here have insecurities and body image issues. I know I do! What I try to do is stay true to myself and tell myself that this is MY journey....not theirs. I stay focused on being healthy for me. Yes, I do like the complements but they're a double edged sword because not only am I completely uncomfortable by them (I feel the same as you....finally...you're no longer hideous), but also, I sometimes get addicted to the attention and complements. What? I don't look amazing today? Oh my gosh! I must be hideous again! It's a sick thought process. I'm determined not to let it get to me this time.
You're right about a person's worth....it shouldn't have anything to do with their packaging....just like a gift....it's the inside that counts. Well, most people don't see things that way and maybe if I never had this weight issue, I would also be more superficial. I don't know. That doesn't take away from the fact that regardless of the weight....health is an issue. Even if those people judge us for our bodies, our own body judges us too. If we're not feeding it right and moving it right, it's not gonna love us either.
Yes, most guys are visual, but guess what? They're not super picky....not most of them anyway. There are lots and lots of women on here who don't look perfect or they didn't before and they had and have buys that adore them and are so happy to have them in their lives. As cliche as it may sound, the right guy won't care about stretch marks or loose skin.
I hope you'll give it a try. I think you'll feel so much better. I know I already feel a lot better. I do have days when I see guys checking me out or opening doors for me where they didn't even know I was alive before and I get really upset by this.....I wonder why they couldn't appreciate me before? Obviously, I don't care. I'm already married....but I can understand how strange it is and how intimidating.
Look around you - there are plenty of 'not beautiful people' who are happily married or coupled and plenty of Beautiful People who can't find love.
I need to remind me of this everyday.
I really like what Cookc04 said, it is absolutely true! There are couples that on the outside are not so pretty, some that are, and some that have one good looking person and one not so goodlooking person.
Lose the weight for your health, do it for you. I don't consider myself beautiful, but at least I can give myself a smoking hot body if I try real hard and push myself. I'm only doing this for one person, and that's me.
I do feel awkward when people mention weight loss, I just don't tell them about it and if they say 'oh you've lost so much weight' as I walk by, I just say 'yup!' and keep walking.
Try flipping around the intent behind the compliments. Losing weight is an ADMIRABLE achievement desired by most people in society today. They are really saying, "Oh my goodness, if only I could do that!!" Truly...they are.
The compliments come fast and furious initially, but they do die down and eventually you get used to how to respond to them with a quick change of subject, a polite "thank you" or a long story about how you did it, IF you so choose.
Many, many people stay fat because they hiding. Hiding from attention. Hiding from past trauma that led to self-image issues, etc.
And while part of me wants to kick your butt and tell you stop making excuses and get to work, I know the reality is that until you are willing to work on your self-image issues (get to the real root, etc) you will make little progress with weight loss and likely run into issues like self-sabotage, etc.
This quote includes you!
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God."
Im not even a religious person, but I truly believe we all have absolute beauty and brilliance in our souls if we are willing to clear the darkness that shrouds it sometimes.
If you think the comments are bad after losing 20 pounds, try losing 193 pounds and dropping 12 dress sizes. Honey, I've heard it all. Nothing anyone can say to me can shock me anymore. Nor can it make me go back to being super morbidly obese. I don't care WHAT people think.
I've had countless people not recognize me...even my own Aunts.
I've had men gush over me.
I've had rumors and gossip started about how I did it.
I've had fat friends disown me.
I've had skinny friends disown me.
I've had my husband of 21 years take TOOO much interest in me.
But, finally the newness has worn off and they are tired of talking about me losing it.... Now they are all taking bets at how long it's going to take me to gain it all back. You've gotta toughen up butter cup, because it's murder out there for us fat chicks turned thin.
Well, which do you think would be worse - dealing with the compliments (which will die down) or remaining overweight and always wishing and hoping to be thin and always wondering what it's like to be thin and "what if"? I guess it's a case of choosing the lesser of two evils.
Losing weight was a wonderful time for me. One of self growth and discovery. It made me stronger. Hopefully it will do the same for you. Give it a go! Don't fear the comments, fear NOT losing the weight and not living up to your full potential.
You're stronger than you think. It's time to find that out.
What she said--I haven't lost that much weight, but it's all relative and all true! (Thanks...I needed that)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lori Bell
If you think the comments are bad after losing 20 pounds, try losing 193 pounds and dropping 12 dress sizes. Honey, I've heard it all. Nothing anyone can say to me can shock me anymore. Nor can it make me go back to being super morbidly obese. I don't care WHAT people think.
I've had countless people not recognize me...even my own Aunts.
I've had men gush over me.
I've had rumors and gossip started about how I did it.
I've had fat friends disown me.
I've had skinny friends disown me.
I've had my husband of 21 years take TOOO much interest in me.
But, finally the newness has worn off and they are tired of talking about me losing it.... Now they are all taking bets at how long it's going to take me to gain it all back. You've gotta toughen up butter cup, because it's murder out there for us fat chicks turned thin.
Yeah I hate it. i was molested as a child by a relative and put down repeatedly by my dad and I find any attention about my person extremely terrifying. usually what happens is that the minute I get any sort of attention about my body, I stop the diet and start the binging till it all comes back and then some. Its a protective thing.
This time I am trying to do it differently. I acknowledge the compliment and when I get the urge too eat, i just go somewhere quite and breathe and talk the situuation out in my head to shed some light on what it is thats causing the eating. Its so incredibly hard. I find though that with people that I trust, I tend to not get offended or feel threatened and actually want to continue to get their positive comments.
I dont know what advice to give you except when someone tells you how much weight you lost, just smile, acknowledge it, thank them, then go to a quiet moment, breathe and take stock of your situation and explain to yourself that if their reaction was negative, then it was probably intended not at you, but at themselves. I find that a lot of ppl I was friends with who are overweight tend to have self remorse that they direct at me and make not so nice comments disguise as compliments. like " isnt it nice? You can buy at normal shops now! or " you should stop dieting. You dont have boobs any more etc" and then I remember when i was bigger, and id see someone who had lost weight and was looking great, id think god, I shold do that! Why can they do it and not me, and then I would hate myself but externalise my rage at myself at htem. I am sad about that, but whats done is done. I recognise it now and dont it anymore.
Not sure if any of that helps, but when you are ready, you will start and you'll be great
Um, yeah I definitely have the same issue.
A few years ago I lost some weight and one of my friends said " I can definitely tell you have lost weight, you don't have those big fat rolls on your back anymore!"
Then, my own mother saw a picture of me when I weighed a little more and said " I can't believe that is even my daughter" !
As I just wrote this, I actually laughed. Obviously, neither one of these people have ever had weight problems. They were both actually trying to pay me a compliment. No one is okay with hearing they are or WERE fat. It doesn't make me feel good to hear how fat I USED to be.
Now that I have regained that weight it sucks b/c I think that they must be thinking about how fat I am!
I even threatened my husband that he better not dare act any more attracted to me or compliment me more if I lose weight. Just like you said, I want to feel like I am accepted for who I am right now.
Ho boy, I know this feeling. I am also covered in stretch marks and scars from eczema, have 'bad' teeth (crooked. Could never get braces growing up due to being poor) and generally always feel like a huge, greasy gorgon due to my weight. As I have lost 18lbs, I do feel resentment at the support and compliments given from it sometimes. But I just acknowledge, thank and move on.
I think what got the ball rolling for me was enough worry about loose skin, compliments, resentment at attention from people I was invisible to right now, etc and more worry about my health. But I guarantee (advice I need to take myself) that people do not think you are as unattractive as you consider yourself to be by far. I too am slowly learning this fact.
Last edited by Nebuchadnezzar; 11-06-2010 at 07:35 PM.
Reason: Screaming temporal doom.
I have been on all sides of the issue myself. I can see it from all angles. I am a quiet, reserved person and do not like direct comments about my body or looks, to me it is too personal. When I lost 120 pounds many years ago, I felt like I was naked in the spotlight from the reactions of people, I had no idea how to process it. While at times, it can be heady and addicting to get positive attention, there are other times it makes one feel like a ghost, seen but not heard. When we are not used to the attention from men, the sudden attention feels false and demeaning. Lots of swirling emotions, ideas and all of it is confusing....until we take a deep breath and ask ourselves what we truly want out of weight loss. I wished I had asked myself that question back then, once I got thing it was like "now what?"
When I lost weight before, I just did it, and did not think of the end result. I thought it would all fall into place when I got to goal and life would march right along. But there were all kinds of things that happened that I was unable to deal with properly, simply because I did not have any experience with it. I wasn't self confident when obese, it didn't automatically happen because I got thin. The more I felt exposed, the more I felt vulnerable. That made me feel as though being thin was like wearing a costume, it wasn't really who I was. I actually felt like a fraud! I was so afraid someone was going to say, "you're not REALLY thin, who do you think you're fooling?"
I agree with what everyone has talked about. You will have to find a comfort zone about it all, you need to toughen up to weather the negative sides (I lost friends too). But I think the most important thing is to define what this journey means to you. The high of getting "thin" doesn't last long. Staying thin takes as much work as dieting did. When you no longer have food as a comforter, what will you do? When someone says something negative, how will you respond? After I had lost 120 pounds, a total stranger in a bar (who had no idea I had lost the weight) told me I would be such a fox if I would just lose 10 pounds! Do you know, 20 years later that one comment still makes me angry? Why wasn't I ever good enough, just as I was? I soon learned that my weight was MORE of an issue being thin that it was being obese. My boyfriends at the time all made comments about my weight, noticed if i gain a couple of pounds, girlfriends acted jealous, it was all so weird and I didn't know what to take seriously and what to kick to the curb.
And as an aside....my mother recently noticed I had lost weight and asked me if I have been sick. wow, that was like a smack in the face. Here I was, feeling so healthy and taking action to lose weight and she thinks I could only losing it to a deadly disease!
Got to find one's comfort zone throughout the journey. The rules seem to change at every turn.
And as an aside....my mother recently noticed I had lost weight and asked me if I have been sick. wow, that was like a smack in the face. Here I was, feeling so healthy and taking action to lose weight and she thinks I could only losing it to a deadly disease!
Hehe. I had to smile at this because my husband was out of town for 5 weeks this summer, and I'd lost a little weight while he was gone (he's the cook here, so I wasn't eating as well as I did when he's around). He asked if I'd been sick because he knew it was the most likely explanation. I thought it was sweet, since he's never been one to pressure me about my weight in anyway.
How do people react?
Truly...they are.
