The Way Always-Thin People See Weight Loss

LiannaKole · 12-04-2010, 03:21 AM

Some friends and I were hanging out and were just chatting and there was an episode of "Say Yes to the Dress" on. There was a girl who had lost 100+ lbs, recently hit goal, and was having a hard time accepting that she could fit into the normal sized wedding dresses (it was a skinny girl, too).

My friends were baffled. They couldn't understand WHY the girl would feel anything but thrilled that she looked hot in the dresses (or why she didn't see that she looked hot). They couldn't get why anyone would have a problem with body image after that kind of weight loss. Like, why wasn't she acting normal and just happy about it? It wasn't like she was still fat.

I was surprised at their surprise! I forgot that in the 'real world' people don't always understand the mental aspects of weight loss. They just see a newly skinny person.

One friend (who has never weighed more than 135 lbs at my height), mentioned that when she lost a little weight she felt awesome, so of course if someone lost 100 lbs they'd feel fantastic! So what was wrong with the girl on TV?

It was interesting to me how they viewed all this. I wonder if they realize that when they say I look slender/smaller/etc. that I can't really see it? Or that I worry about actually getting to and keeping a normal weight. Or that I still see myself as 207 lbs sometimes. They think when the weight's gone, BAM - the person is a skinny person inside and out and they can live like "normal" always-been-thin people. But some people still mentally feel bigger, have to struggle to keep on plan, to maintain, to lose.

I actually tried to explain that. I've never seen so many blank looks directed at me! They got none of it...

I wonder if a lot of people look at weight loss like this. Simplistic, and very temporary in a person's life; if they don't see that lives have to be changed to stay normal, and that there can be a huge mental battle. To them, weight loss is just weight loss, and what's the big deal about just accepting you're thin/pretty/normal?

It's a way different viewpoint from what I've lived for so long. Same for them, I suppose.

4xcharm · 12-04-2010, 09:11 AM

When your food issues began when you were a child, I believe it will become hard-wired in your brain. No matter what you really look like, your own conception of who you are forms the way you see yourself. I was called "fatty" maybe two times in grade school. Looking at photographs, I wasn't fat at all. Not at all. But I remember, and still obsess about food and body image.

losermom · 12-04-2010, 10:41 AM

Sadly, I don't think that always-thin/slender/normal sized people can ever really understand how transformative this process is. To them, food and movement are natural. One of my closest friends (naturally slender) could not fathom why I weigh myself daily. I had to liken it to brushing your teeth daily and she finally got it somewhat. She still thinks that I should be able to eat whatever I want in whatever portion size I wish. Nope. We will never be normal. We will always have to be alert to our weight, food intake, exercise, etc.

But the head game is the trickiest. I'm getting used to my size, in fact I've been feeling lately that I've gotten bigger (or filled out somewhat), but my weight (and clothing) are still the same.

coffeebean267 · 12-04-2010, 11:01 AM

I remember that episode! I also remember my cousins having the same reactions your friends did! In nursing (I'm in nursing school right now so please excuse my little lecture lol) there is actually a diagnosis for disturbed body image. People don't understand that it goes both ways! When you lose 100+ lbs, you tend to look like a totally different person and it can really mess with your emotions.

Even now, I cannot possibly imagine what I will look like at 125 lbs (my goal weight)...I haven't been that weight since middle school. It's going to be an adjustment for sure!

WinterJinx · 12-07-2010, 02:01 PM

Wow I get the same blank looks from my friends when I tried to explain basically the same thing to them. It's hard for people to understand that it takes a while for the mind to catch up with the body. I had been fat my entire life so I agree with ciaobella 'When you lose 100+ lbs, you tend to look like a totally different person and it can really mess with your emotions.'

And because I had been fat my whole life I have a fear of loosing control by accident and becoming fat again.

RoseRodent · 12-07-2010, 02:28 PM

Something I often find a little amusing, but also sort of wish it was something they got coached on with all the staff available, is on Biggest Loser they do these catwalk makeover moments and they walk along still with their "fat walk". You can see them making space between their legs, back braced backwards to support the belly, arms really wide from the torso and bent at the elbows. You want to shout into the TV that they lost some weight. Thing is, nobody teaches you how to be slim, you just get there and then have to figure it out.

hatethesweatpants · 12-08-2010, 08:09 AM

YES! I say that I used to be a "skinny girl screaming to get out of a fat girl." Now, sometimes I feel like a "fat girl screaming to get out of a skinny girl!" Working on "thinning out" my thoughts has been the hardest part of the transition for me. Some of it has made me angry. For example, I didn't realize how much attention thin people get in stores. I have people offering to help me right and left! Excuse me, I could have used your help lifting this box 70lbs ago. I could probably lift YOU now, sir. It takes time to get used to the new body, new reactions by people, new clothes. They say that stress of change, even good stress, is still stress.

kittycarlson · 12-08-2010, 10:01 AM

hatethesweatpants, I loved your post. I got down to my goal weight when I was in my early thirties. (for a while) and people treated me differently too!

I can remember my mother-inlaw and sister-inlaw wanting me to bring our lawn mower over to her place so they could mow. They stood there watching me load it in and out of my trunk without helping. This was before weight loss. My mother-inlaw would never have expected any of her normal weight daughters to haul that mower. In fact she could have sent the daughter that watched, who was younger than I was and in better shape, to my house to pick it up. She would have waited until my husband was off work and could bring it in his pick-up. Hauling mowers isn't lady like. I think they thought I was Paul Bunyan with the emotions to match.

Those same women were surprised and couldn't imagine I was screaming when my first delivery went wrong. Apparently fat people don't feel pain. I was also very anemic and cold which people commented on as apparently fat people don't get cold because of all that insulation. I've also heard it doesn't hurt when fat people fall as they have all that padding.

I think inside even after the weight loss I always felt fat. On the other hand after I got so heavy. I would look in a mirror or have to buy a bigger size I always told myself it was temporary so while my inner-self feels fatter than normal, it never felt huge, even when I was.

Demona · 12-08-2010, 10:29 AM

I have cloths in my closet that range from size 12 to size 20. The 12's are from middle school...the "maybe I'll fit into these again one day" category. The 16's, 18's, and 20's are from my various weight gains and losses due to various different reasons (pregnancies, injuries, depression, laziness...etc.).
The fact remains that none of the cloths that no longer fit (big or small) have been removed because I always feel that my current weight is temporary. I never quite feel I'm small enough, so I keep around my big cloths. And I never quite feel I'm big enough, so I keep around my smaller cloths. The whole thing is quite confusing, and takes a toll on me emotionally. I find it quite draining, actually.

Dec 2010 mini goal 1: 8/15 lbs {193 pounds by 1 Jan 2011}
Dec 2010 mini goal 2: 593/1200 cardio

flippychick · 12-09-2010, 02:59 PM

What really burns my buns is when people make fat comments (in general) and I jump on them about it. They give me the "Why are you so offended????" comment. Then I have to explain to them that the once-a-fat-girl, always-a-fat-girl concept. I didn't like it when people picked on me 40 or 50 pounds ago, and I still don't like it. I'm a life-long member of that club. I don't think people who have never experienced a weight problem can really understand how complex it is. But as we all get older...more and more of the always-skinnies start stopping by the clubhouse, and I feel for them because they don't have the tools they need to deal with the life changes it requires.

sunny2017 · 12-12-2010, 10:34 PM

I remember that episode....in fact I've seen it many times on the show. They came out with Big Bliss, all plus sized girls, and it was rare for a girl even then to have accepted her body and had mental issues. Lots of my friends don't think it's a big deal that I should just accept my weight.