the recurring body image issue

matt_H · 11-21-2010, 09:03 PM

Boston has been brutally cold lately. Yesterday I went to buy a new winter coat. I finally saw one that I liked and noticed it was a size small. Not only did it fit, but it is a bit loose. WTF?? How is that possible? I'm not skinny. I'm not a small. ****, my belly is still large and I'm definitely a big guy. Maybe not "fat" but NO WAY AM I SMALL.

I remember an episode of the Drew Carey show where his friends would play a practical joke on him by buying a larger pair of pants in the same style to hide in his dresser and then recalibrate his scale to make it seem like he lost weight. I feel like this is sort of what is happening with me. Its like someone is messing with my mind.

When I see a guy on the bus or train I always wonder what size clothes they are wearing and think they are much smaller than I am. I'm constantly comparing myself to others. When does this go away?

krampus · 11-21-2010, 11:52 PM

To be honest, the only time I've not constantly compared myself to other people is when I am in denial of my upwardly creeping weight. I'm not sure it ever goes away, especially if your static view of yourself comes from years of being big(ger).

I always think there is something terribly wrong with American sizing when I waltz into a shop and waltz out with an XS top. I'm half an inch taller than average and not even close to "skinny." What the heck are the truly small who are many inches shorter and proportionally thinner supposed to do?

Unrelated...is Boston a recommendable place to move to for a twentysomething? I'm considering moving there when I go back to America since I've always liked it there and it's not too far from Albany, where my parents live.

matt_H · 11-22-2010, 09:39 AM

I'm so tempted to randomly ask people in the street what size clothes they are wearing. I've come very close to doing that

.

Re Boston: Absolutely! Boston is filled with college students and it is a very young city. We have Harvard, MIT, UMass, Northeastern, Boston College, and Boston University right in town and a bunch of smaller schools. There is a very good club/ arts scene. Also, it is a beautiful city filled with lots of walking trails and places to run.

If you come back to Boston to visit, be sure to let me know. I'd love to be a tour guide

krampus · 11-22-2010, 09:47 AM

Why is it so important for us to know sizes and such for strangers? I wonder that too. Part of looking at people on the street includes sizing up their clothing size and estimating their weight. I spent the weekend with a slim girlfriend who somehow wears the same size as me. We went to a naked hot springs place together and I found myself just overanalyzing everything. We are shaped completely differently so it's stupid to compare myself to her but I couldn't help it.

I've got some good friends living in Boston now and they're pretty enthusiastic about the idea of me moving there too! I like the idea of a young city with a good arts/nightlife scene. They don't call it Smallbany without reason! I move back to America in August and I'm sure a Boston visit will be in the works soon after that.

stargzr · 11-22-2010, 10:51 AM

While I don't know if it'll go away, I just wanted to say I feel the same...
I still have quite a bit of weight to lose and still barely out of the "normal" bmi range, yet I can wear a size small coat as well sometimes! What is this? I always think, what's going to happen when I reach goal? I already know I can't wear a smaller size, because I'm too tall...
Also, to touch on checking out other people... I do this too. Although, usually what's going through my mind is critique - as in - I like her size I wonder what it is, that girl looks like my size I wonder what she is. I think it's a natural thing for me now though... after getting into weight loss I've found that I like to improve myself all the time so I assume even after I reach goal I'll still be looking at other women and comparing myself, only it'll probably be how her arms are shaped or how ripped her abs are, lol.

matt_H · 11-22-2010, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by krampus

I've got some good friends living in Boston now and they're pretty enthusiastic about the idea of me moving there too! I like the idea of a young city with a good arts/nightlife scene. They don't call it Smallbany without reason! I move back to America in August and I'm sure a Boston visit will be in the works soon after that.

That is awesome! Its great you have friends here already and I'm sure they have told you all about the cool things here.

guamvixen · 11-22-2010, 01:01 PM

Matt,

We are so much alike! I too feel that way, just recently at 8 months pregnant I went to Saks to try on a pair of size 27 Seven for All Mankind Jeans for kicks. They were too big. I couldn't believe it, I am still convinced the label was wrong.

saef · 11-22-2010, 04:38 PM

I have these feelings, too, Matt.

I think it's like Impostor Syndrome, a form of self-sabotage in which one discounts & dismisses one's own achievements & success.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome

Isn't that what I am doing when I think I haven't really lost weight, but I'm fooling everyone, and that clothing manufacturers are also complicit with my great big conspiracy on the American public that I am a relatively slender woman?

JenMusic · 11-22-2010, 09:58 PM

I was just feeling today that I'm not "legitimately" thin. When I see people I haven't seen in a while, sure, they notice and compliment me. To them my weight loss is obvious.

But in the back of my mind, I still feel like new people only see the fat me. Maybe not obese fat, but I'm sure I don't look slim like they do, and they have to notice it, too.

Not sure if that makes sense, but yeah, I don't believe my mirror ("this must be a funhouse mirror that makes me look smaller") or scale ("my battery might be dying, that number can't be right") or clothes sizes ("the size 6 is surely vanity sizing") most of the time.

Rosinante · 11-23-2010, 04:16 AM

I'd never heard of Impostor Syndrome before, it sounds like me to a T. I'll see if I can work on that, the lower I go.

xty · 11-24-2010, 04:14 PM

matt - it has gotten much, much better for me in time. but lots of time...like years :|

I did have a brief, funny moment last night...

I recently had a very nice coat taken in from a 4 to a 0. Now, when I had it taken in I wore a hoodie/sweatshirt underneath and tried it on after the tailor was done. I wore the coat all weekend, including with a hoodie underneath.

Last night I went to grab it and caught myself thinking it wouldnt fit/would be tight with the hoodie......because a couple years back the coat was too tight to wear and close at all, much less with something underneath.

Just a little brain fart, but it was one of those - oooooh right Im super tiny now. Forgot!

Just hang in there, your brain will catch up eventually

Eskinomad · 11-24-2010, 04:29 PM

I wonder how much of this has to do with vanity sizing. Maybe it simply feels so strange to be a size "Small", because what now is a "Small" used to be a "Medium" five years ago?

Krampus - I had a coworker who was very petite. Just very small framed, naturally skinny - probably 5'3" and 100? 110? Nothing insane. Half of her clothes had to come from the kid's section.

pointspluspioneer · 11-24-2010, 04:29 PM

I can totally relate, my therapist diagnosed me with body image dysmorphia. I've been doing this so long that i don't know what i look like anymore. I have such a distorted picture in my head. For a while there i was to the point of taking a picture of myself before leaving the house

Eliana · 11-24-2010, 05:11 PM

Matt, your OP describes me exactly! I have always had issues with sizing. It really does feel like there's a conspiracy out there to mess with my mind. It actually makes me angry at the clothes. Just this past weekend I picked out a skirt in a size 8 and even though it was too big, I bought it anyway because I was angry at the label. Surely they had mislabeled it, ya know? I don't wear smaller than an 8. No way.

It's ludicrous and I wish I wasn't like this.

I'm hoping once I reach 145 pounds, normal weight, I will finally believe that it's ok to think I'm small. On the one hand I feel like I'm already there, but that number is really messing with my head. I'm not allowed to feel small until the number tells me I am. The number is more objective, I guess.

krampus · 11-24-2010, 09:28 PM

Size is just a number or a label yet it dictates so much! I haven't been shopping in the States since summer and I am DYING to know my American clothing size, but why does it even matter? Sizes vary by store and are even inconsistent within one store brand. It's about fit and how it looks, not size, but like a lot of other folks on this thread I'm not ready to let it go.

My next big exciting thrill will be when I go shopping in Germany and find I can wear a European 36-38 instead of the 40-42 I wore the last time I was there.